Page 57 of The Fate Of Us

Her hummed laugh echoed throughout the room before she asked, “Are you still having thedream?”

I nod without looking at her.

“And the panic that wakes you up? Does it still mean nothing?”

This time I met her stare, shaking my head as I squinted at how bright the sun hadgotten. “No.”

“Oh?” Her eyes were full of intrigue.

“Yeah. Ever since signing the contract for the shoot, it’s taking me back that morning,and then I’m spending the drive to set wondering why I thought signing it would be a good thing. Why I thought I could do this.”

Like always, Alice lets a few moments of silence pass between before offering upanything. Partly so she could jot down whatever I’d mentioned. Partly to give me space to add things. But I think she did it to make me confess something I hadn’t told her before, not that there was much left to—

“And do you still have it?”

The words echoed in my head, like they do every time that question leaves her mouth.

I don’t need to answer her, though. The way I’m avoiding eye contact is answerenough for her that the Polaroid is still imprisoned in my office.

Without even looking, I felt her presence deflate, sympathy coating the sigh that lefther as she asked, “Why, Nate? Why do youstillkeep it? ”

I reluctantly drag my eyes up, the room not as bright as it was a moment ago. Myhands clasp together, resting on my lap in a way that I’m hoping Alice can’t tell is to stop my legs from shaking. “I keep it…”

I lose my words. My go-to answer feels foreign on my tongue.

I keep it to remind myself to never fall in love with her again.

I say the line in my head. Over and over again.

“I keep it… because…“

The words get lodged again, making me wonder if lying to myself, to Alice, aboutwhy I keep it won’t do anymore. I wondered if lies could expire. I wondered if they could stop working when it was finally time for the truth to come out.

My eyes fall to the floor, deep breaths flowing in and out of me in the way I’dpracticed as a kid. I gnawed on the inside of my lip, a slight copper taste invading my mouth as I tried to come up with another excuse. Anything to avoid what I’d avoided saying for years…

But what good was that doing?

After a moment or two, I finally uncurled my spine and settled back into the leather,one final breath leaving me as I locked eyes with Alice.

“I keep it because I'm still in love with her.”

Alice didn’t miss a beat before she asked, “And keeping the picture of her kissing theguy she said she hated reminds you of that?”

I shook my head. “It reminds me that I’m pretty sure there’s not a thing on this earththat Adaline Moore could do to make me stop loving her. She could kiss Asher, or anyone, right in front of me, and not an ounce of the love I have for her will fade.”

Alice’s attention drew to the outside world, like she was weighing up the endlessquestions she could ask me to burrow further into my mind, before knocking her head to the side and shrugging. “So… why stay away from her, Nate? Why don’t you just talk to her, tell her that you know about what happened and why you ignored her for years—”

“Because she doesn’t love me anymore.”

Her eyes narrowed. “She told you that?”

I shrugged back at her. “No, but the picture—”

“Then you’ve got your answer there, Nate.” She dropped her notepad and pen on oneof the armrests, her hands clasping and falling into her lap.

“This whole preconception that she’s never truly loved you, and still hates you, is just that… it’s guessed. Because you haven’t both sat down and talked about what happened during that time of your lives, meaning that both of you have been wandering around each other with millions of unanswered questions in your heads.

“Having no answers to those questions makes you guess, and that, Nate, is what’skilling whatever you two had. Assumption will be the death of you if you don’t pull her aside and finally tell her how you feel.”

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