Page 54 of The Fate Of Us

His eyes glassed over. I could practically see the memories from that time in our livesplay across his mind, the blue in his eyes shining at the same time it dulled.

There were moments during that shoot when I found myself not thinking about Nate.It was before he’d ever confessed that he liked me like that, so the guilt of picturing myself with someone else wasn’t as intense as it is now. And in the times that Asher was the version of himself that made my smile hurt in the best way? I could see a version of us that had potential.

Young love is all a bit like that when you think about it. You fall in love so often andwith so many different people, things, and places that, when you realise it, life just feels exciting.

I fell in love with Nate and felt nothing but peace.

I fell in love with a side of Asher and felt seen.

I fell in love with my sister’s strength and stayed curious about it.

I fell in love with my hometown and moulded a corner of my heart into the shape of itto keep it there.

I suppose I saved every crevasse and cave I could find in my heart for all thosethings. And I suppose I was naive, thinking that the love for those things was limitless. That it would always be there. Too far away from the harsh realities and the way life lets you down.

In the time between dipping my eyes to the table, the dull hum from the bar’s pianowading between, I explored the cobwebbed corners of my heart that had once held those things, those people, searching for the space I’d reserved for the version of Asher that I liked.

I didn’t have time to figure out whether the darkness I found was just in Asher’scorner, or whether that was just how my heart had looked since it had been broken.

The way Asher cleared his throat brought my attention back onto him. “But,seriously, how did he feel about you leaving home?”

I shook the thoughts free from my head, an unconscious smile tugging at my mouth.

“Oh, I uh… I don’t think he cared, to be honest.”

He let out a snort. “I doubt that. You two were inseparable; I’m surprised he didn’thide in one of your suitcases just to be with you—”

“Well, he didn’t.”I gritted out the words, anger and hurt weaving themselves between them. I barely letthe thought of Nate cross my mind before the sharpness of my voice echoed in there, my eyes locking onto Ashers in a heartbeat.

“I’m sorry,” I barely whispered, my eyes roaming his. Like I was drifting off into thePacific.

“No, no.I’msorry.” he muttered, edging closer. "I assumed you two were still…together.” My heart ached, flashes of the summer before he left invading my mind. “You don’t have to talk—”

“I’ve never told anyone what happened between us.” The words were out of mymouth before I could clamp it shut. “Not even Flo or Jacob… Emerson,” I clarified, before downing the rest of my martini and gently setting the glass back on the table.

I don’t know why I suddenly felt the urge to spill all my secrets. I don’t know why, ona date with Asher Hartford, I thought it’d be appropriate to explain the seven-year-long feud between Nate and me. I don’t know why I couldn’t stop the story from crawling up my throat, ready to be told somewhere that wasn’t just in my head.

But Martinis are a wicked little creation, aren’t they?

I raked my fingers through my hair, tugging free the knots as I breathed in threw mynose, my hands gripping the back of my neck. I held my breath, for one second, then two, before letting it all out, my hand falling back to my lap.

I raised my eyes to find Asher watching me, telling me he was ready to hear what heknew was haunting my thoughts.

“Wewereinseparable from the moment we met, when we were eleven… or twelve. Ican never remember. But we were neighbours, went to the same school, and after I threw a water balloon at him one afternoon,” Asher’s brow raised. “Long story,” I shuffled in my seat before I carried on. “After that, we lived in each other’s pockets. He was my best friend, and nothing could ever convince me that we wouldn’t ever fall out.”

My mind travels back to the endless summer nights by Sunfall Pier, our laughter-filleddays, our cinnamon bun-baking evenings, and mornings we’d walk to school to the sound of birds chirping. That one birthday of his, where we spent the day at Sunfall, reading. When I kissed him for the first time…

My eyes fall back onto Asher. “About a year after I met you, when filming finally finished, he told me he loved me.And I told him the same. I’d had a feeling that I’d fallen for him, and after one or two many evenings listening to me spill all my secrets and showing him all the parts of me that I kept hidden… it was bound to happen."

The memories wandered my mind again. “He was my best friend. He knew whatI wanted to do with my life. He knew every detail. And I knew him just the same.” I take a breath, my eyes dipping down Asher’s shirt before springing back to him, intrigue and anticipation swimming in his pale blue pools.

“But, the summer before he left for college, I saw him change. I don’t know whatcaused it, but he was just… different. And on the day he left for college, we made a promise to meet, a year to the day, on Sunfall Pier, the one just past Malibu, where we… fell for each other, I suppose. I was heartbroken that he was leaving, but I was leaving too; I had to leave, and he knew that. We had to let each other grow."

I felt my voice fade into a quiet stillness, like my body knew that admitting all thiswas killing me.

“Over that year, he never returned my calls, my letters, or my texts. Nothing. It was as ifhe’d just vanished, without any explanation. I was in New York, learning how to live on my own for the first time in my life, without rules, without schedules… without him. And he was… gone."

A humourless laugh ran through my nose, my shoulder knocking forward. “And I wasstupid enough to go back to the pier, one year later, and I was even more stupid when I thought he’d actually turn up.”

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