Page 30 of The Fate Of Us

“No,” I shake my head at him. “Thank you, for doing this." I dropped my eyes to thetips of my shoes, pushing them together before meeting my best friend’s stare. “I’m actually, weirdly, looking forward to tonight.”

“Yeah?”

I nod. “Yeah, I am.”

Why? I had no idea. When I woke up this morning, the panic was nowhere near asintense as it usually was, and my heart wasn’t running at a thousand beats per minute. I had to sit up and question whether I was actually alive, which sounds morbid, but for a split second, it crossed my mind. And when I realised I was still breathing, my mind flickered to tonight, what it’d look like, and then an image of me and my friends… even Addy, laughing around the table and not singing that sinister song at me projected up there.

And suddenly, the air around me became clearer.

“Well, I know Flo will be happy to hear that,” he admits, ushering me into thehallway. “I am too.”

My feet stop moving as I turn over my shoulder to face him, a genuine smile creepingup both of our mouths. A wordless exchange: He was happy I was here, and I was happy I had friends who understood me.

He lifted his chin at me. “There’s cocktails on the coffee table, help yourself.”

I carry on my steps down the hall and make it to the living room, clocking Bagel atmy feet and giving her a few head scratches, Jacob’s steps echoing behind me.“Any Aperol this time?” I ask, enjoying the way I can feel a smirk breaching thecorners of my mouth.

He lets out a gruff laugh. “Nah, she still can’t stomach them. Too many memories,you know?”

I nod, knowing full well that Flo’s memories of that night differed from mine, Jacob's and Addy’s. “Yeah, I know.”

He points his thumb over his shoulder. “I'm just gonna go check on dinner, shout me ifyou need anything, man.”

I nod at Jacob as he strides into the door that I know leads to the kitchen, while I make headway for the cocktails he mentioned, stationed on the coffee table that sat in front of the floor-to-ceiling windows, giving me a perfect excuse to grab one and stare off into the fiery haze of the sunset that was blanketing the city.

I wanted to freeze time, like I always do when I find the comfortable parts of my day.I could happily sit and stare at this view for hours. It was pretty enough that I could lose myself in the pastel swirls of the clouds and forget about the voices swirling around me.

These moments were rare, especially on this date. I always felt my brain was cloudedwith thoughts and worries even before I’d cracked open my eyes, before I’d torn into a present or eaten a slice of cake. But for whatever reason, the hesitations and voices weren’t as loud today, and the urge to cancel on my friends at the last minute hadn’t appeared like I thought it would.

Part of me remembered Addy, how this day used to be just us two, doing whatever Iwanted. As my eyes traced over the silhouette of the New York skyline, I wondered whether it was because she was spending my birthday with me again. But that didn’t make sense. She’d been back in my life now for three years, and my past three birthdays had all been just how I’d expected them…

Then I remembered that Addy hadn’t been there last year, or the year before, or theyear before that. This was the first birthday I’d spent with her since—

My ears prick up at the undeniable sound of the door handle clicking open, the hum ofvoices I knew belonged to the other pair of best friends in our little rebel alliance slowly trickling in. I shift my body around but keep my feet bolted in place, my eyes trained on the end of the hallway, knowing that the echoed giggles of Flo and Addy would be in the room with me any second.

I sucked in a precious breath, like I was trapped in a room where water was rising,and that last breath would be one I’d hold until I was free or the last one I’d ever take.

It was then that I saw her, saw what she was wearing, and in that moment I realisedthat I was going to be holding my breath until the minute either she or I left.

"Oh fuck."I had to mutter under my breath, dragging my free hand through my hair as the memories of that dress invaded—

“Hey, Nate! Happy Birthday!” My head bobbed up as Flo pushed past Addy to get to me, her brown curlsflying behind her shoulders. I put down the drink that I hadn’t even taken a sip of yet, just in time for her to reach her arms around me and pull me in for a hug.

All the while I kept my eyes fixed on Addy… wearing that white dress.

I had to clamp my eyes shut, but all that did was provide my memories with a blankcanvas to project against. My head was full of scenes from the night she wore that for the first time, the night I caught her practically sprinting home just to hide it from me.

I opened my eyes as I felt Flo pull away, shaking my head free from all the nostalgictorment. I quickly lifted my eyes to find Addy, but she wasn’t there anymore.

I felt my eyes ping pong around the room before Flo’s smile quickly stole myattention. “You have no idea how much I wanted to buy you a birthday card. I literally have every birthday card I’ve ever received in a folder, somewhere around here.” I smiled at that, before she carried on. "But Jacob said that you hate them so I—”

“I don’t hate them,” I reply, hating the way her smile falls.

“What?” She pulled back, crossing her arms over her chest, rustling the silk of herdress.

“I don’t mind cards or presents, it’s just everything else that makes me… you know.”

Her bottom lip sank between her teeth, a laugh forcing through her nose as sheshook her head. Her eyes meet mine, the green that lived in them darkening. “I’m gonna kill him.” And before I could plead with her not to kill my best friend, she was already spinning on her heels and strutting towards the kitchen.

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