Page 118 of The Fate Of Us

She wasn’t mine. She deserved so much more than what I’d given her; seven years ofhatred… hatred that she didn’t do a thing to deserve.

I didn’t know what else to do as sleep captured me, dragging me into the darkness as myheart slowed down, my sobs became silent, and my world became bleak. Lifeless.

Every ember of fire had left my life, the one that had kept me warm, even when it shouldhave burned me alive.

Chapter thirty-two

Adaline

Theoceanbreezehasalways seemed to calm me. No matter what. Whether it was the four hour long coastal noises I'd play into my room to help me fall asleep at night, or the days I'd spend listening to the waves as they crashed over my bare legs.

It was probably why Icraved to be there so much as a child… the calmness to counterbalance my life, which was chaos.

It was one of the only things I was thankful for, about where my sister lived now—the drive along the PCH highway. It holds so many good memories, this coast. The millions and millions of tiny grains ofsand are like those memories; they’re the first thing you see when you get here.

Surprisingly, whenever my mind wanders past this beach, the waves, it doesn’tautomatically go to the bad things that occurred here. Instead, I think about the day we came here as a family for the first time, it was the day Goldie took her first real steps. It was one of the few times I’d looked at my parents with any real joy. I enjoyed being in their company. Enjoyed being a family.

I think about the first time me and Nate were allowed here on our own, the day we, tried,to go surfing. It was like there was a chunk of sunlight that the sun had chipped off itself to spare us all day, letting us exist in eternal sunshine. Like it knew we needed it.

I let my eyes casually take in the sand as I drive past, the salt air whipping my hair behindme, sunshine coating my face.

But, like most beaches, the sand isn’t the only thing that sits here. Soon enough, as I turnthe bend of the highway, that’s neatly carved into the cliff face, I spy the rocks. Boulders, actually, that had fallen here years before this lifetime it seemed, from how you could tell their bodies went far below the surface. Like an iceberg.

The sunlight casting over my mind becomes clouded when I spot them, lurking along thebeach like the bad memories that existed here too. There are obviously not as many as the good ones, but you can’t look at the sand and not see the rocks.

But the number of rocks seemed to be growing these days, thanks to the landslides thathad rattled my world, and that was what I hated. Big ugly things that took away from the natural beauty of the beach. But what could I do? It wasn’t like I could move them, destroy them. They were there for the rest of time.

Seven years wasted.

Seven years of hating me for no reason.

Seven years of being made to feel like I was the villain.

My foot dropped down on the accelerator, trying to quicken the journey down the coast,until rows and rows of beach houses blocked the view, making me forget it was there.

It’s been three days since the day everything happened. Literally, everything.

I hadn’t known so much drama and sadness and revelations and kisses could happen inthe space of a few hours, but the universe always seemed to be finding ways to surprise me these days.

I hadn’t spoken to anyone, not since I left that hotel room. I wasn’t going to count therun-in with Amber I had in the lobby as I left as a conversation. She called my name, I looked back, her eyes ran all over my teary face and then I ran out of the doors, dodged the crowd of paparazzi that lingered outside the hotel, and drove.

All night.

I drove until I felt my eyes getting heavy and realised that crashing the car wasn’t a suresolution to fixing anything, so I went back to the hotel, hoping that the camera mafia had left. They had, luckily, and I slipped past the hotel doors and ran straight to my room.

I didn’t sleep that night, or the other two nights that had just passed, if that already wasn’tobvious from the blue-ish half circles that had formed under my eyes. I hadn’t left the room either, living off over-priced room service and reading on the balcony. Vitamin D exposure and a few uninterrupted days of reading smut were the least I deserved, so I didn’t feel guilty in the slightest. But I needed to get out today.

And there was only one person I wanted to see.

Neededto see.

The only part of unplugging myself from the world that I felt a slither of guilt towardswas not checking in on Goldie after everything erupted at dinner. She was a Moore, though, having time to herself to straighten out the mental timeline and make sense of everything was probably what she needed. What I’d needed, too.

I just hoped that things hadn’t been silent in that house since I left. I hoped there’d beprogress. I hoped they’d listened. But… I couldn’t be sure.I couldn't be certain that people could just change overnight.

I shook the thoughts out of my head as I approached the gates and guard that blocked offthe street where they lived, passing her a friendly smile and being signalled right on in. The gravel on the driveway popped under my tyres as I pulled into the house, my eyes taking in the mansion where so much had happened, and I’d only spent a few hours here.

Again, I shook the thoughts out of my head. I wasn’t here to dwell on what hadhappened… I was here to see what the future held, what the plan was.

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