Page 10 of The Fate Of Us

We talked for another hour, discussing colleges, mainly Liberty Grove, which was the main campus right here in the city. Shetold me about the boy she had a crush on at the minute, some singer from London who was breaking the internet, before hanging up.

The urge to find things we hadn’t talked about was pressing down on my chest until themoment the line went dead. The thought of leaving her to battle this stage of her life on her own hurt me, and made that cocktail of guilt and shame eat away at me.

“I’m positive, Addy… I’m a fighter.”

Her words rang in my ears as my eyes fluttered closed, soaking up the sun that was nowpainting the room.

I don’t know where she gets her strength from. Don’t know what unlimited power source she gets it from to keep herself from crumbling. When I was her age, I would have scurried away to the deepest, darkest corner of the house at just the thought of expressing how I truly felt to my parents. I was terrified of letting them down, because of how badly I knew they wanted this for me.

At the time, I confused their drive for wealth as a passion for my success, and realising that now as an adult makes me want to hug my younger self and tell her it’ll all be okay. But I know she’ll be okay. Because it turns out my manifestations to become mycourageous heroines were so strong that Goldie turned into one.

I knew I’d be counting down the days until I saw her again, but for the life of me, I didn’tknow if I could wait six—

A ding erupted from my laptop, which was still resting on the hardwood floor. My eyesflew open as I arched my back to pick it up and open it on my lap again, the fluorescent screen making me want to squeeze them closed again. I dragged my mouse over to the envelope icon, noting the new email sign and opened it up, my heart started its descent again when I saw that the email was from my agent.

With the words‘FOREVER AND ALWAYS SHOOTING SCHEDULE’ filling up thesubject line.

Chapter four

Nate

IflipoverthePolaroid that’s in my hands, the edges seeming to slice the tender skin ofmy fingers, at the same time, my eyes burn into the picture of Addy, and how her lips are stuck to someone else’s. A mouth that isn’t mine.

My heart feels like it’s speeding down the freeway, with no intention of slowing down. My earsthump, turning red and numb within seconds, the only sound breaking through being the car horn outside. Most likely my dad trying to hurry me, after complaining all morning that if we don’t beat the traffic, we’ll never make it to Stanford before sunset.

But I needed one last reminder. One last look at the reason why I’ll never see Addy again.

Why I never want to.

As I’m staring off into the picture, my eyes getting lost in Addy’s hair, an alarm starts tosound. Repetitive and incessant. But through the beeping, I hear her enter the bedroom. I can tell by the footsteps and how the soles of her ballet flats tap against the wood.

“As much as I don’t want you to leave, you’re dad’s asking for you.”I float around toface her.“I might just tell him I couldn’t find you, so we can have a few more minutes, just us.”

Right on cue, my vision fades red. Pure, transparent anger.

My head becomes a split screen, projecting the day I saw this right alongside the other half of my dream.

I saw this Polaroid two weeks ago. We’d been out on Sunfall, the pier we'd claimed as ours, the one built on theshoreline just past Topanga Beach, right in the middle of Malibu. We found it when we got the wrong bus home from Santa Monica one day. Tiredness had tracked us down and knocked us out for a good half hour before we woke and realised we were nowhere near our homes in Palm Springs.

That night we were there, just as the sky was turning pink, Addy went for one lastswim. But before she jumped off the pier and cannonballed into the water, her foot knocked over her bag, a dozen lip balms, a bottle of sunscreen and a paperback book fell out as she did. So did the Polaroid I’d never seen before, as it slipped from between the pages of her book.

It was a photo of her, and someone else… Kissing.

My dream becomes whole again, my bedroom taking up the darkness in my head, my hazy attention descending back onto Addy.

“What is this?”I ask, tossing the Polaroid at her feet.

She looks down at it, her neck angling, like she’s trying to convince me she’s never seen itin her life, before springing her head back up at me, a smile so sinister, yet so soft, creeping on her face.

“You know exactly what it is. You ask me this every night.”Her smile turns wicked.“Forso many years, you’ve asked this exact question. You know what I’m going to say, Nate.”

“Tell me again.”The beeping gets louder, urging me to lean forward so I don’t miss whatI know she’ll say next.

“I’ve fallen for him, Nate. I’m sorry.”

The sound that bursts from my mouth wakes me, a gasp, a scream, both combined, alongwith everything else that disturbs the only full night’s sleep I've had in a while. My eyes barely opened enough to take in my surroundings, the familiarity of my room blurred by the sun that was glaring through the window. The thumping of my heart, however used to it I am, still makes me panic, my hands frantically covering my chest and pulling at the sweat-soaked white tee I’d drifted off in.

My mind becomes a map, torn and battered, as I try to search my thoughts for what wascausing the attack. But it was empty, hollow and deserted. The thoughts in my head always seemed to be, the panic surging through my body was always physical before it had a meaning. The pounding heart, the breathless breaths, the nausea that swarmed… it comes without warning, without a reason, always has done.

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