Page 100 of Redemption

I raised a trembling hand and knocked.

CHAPTER THIRTY

Jack

The knock on the door had me throwing a blanket over the diorama I was making.

Daisy had already been by this afternoon to see how it was shaping up, so I doubted it was her. I wanted it to be Kat but I also didn’t know what I would say to her. It was probably Leo wanting another guys’ night, but I wasn’t in a sociable mood.

I was stunned when I opened the door and saw Kat on the other side. She looked at me with wide eyes, her expression so open and hopeful. She was wringing her hands together and I realized she was nervous. I’d never seen her nervous before. Her long blonde hair hung over one shoulder in a thick braid and her white sundress contrasted beautifully against the deep tan she’d gotten from all our work in the sun.

I knew her feet were tucked into those damn pink cowgirl boots but I don’t think I could have kept my hands to myself if I’d looked down and seen them. I kept my stare straight ahead and locked on hers.

“Everything okay, Katarina?” I asked, concerned that she actually needed my help and wasn’t just here to talk or for anything else.

“Are you alone?” she asked, peering behind me.

I frowned. “Yes?” I must have imagined the look of relief that flitted across her face before she smoothed her expression.

“Can I come in?”

I stepped back to let her pass, her floral scent drifting on the breeze behind her and making a beeline for my nostrils. I cleared my throat, willing myself to pull it together but I just wanted to grab her, bury my face in her neck and take a deep inhale.

I closed the door and she looked around the room and I panicked she would spot the diorama and want to know what it was so I stood on the opposite side of the room to make her face me.

“What’s up?” I folded my arms over my chest.

Her eyes latched onto the action before she swallowed loudly and met my stare. “I, uh, wanted to apologize.”

“No apology necessary,” I replied curtly.

“Jack, please let me?” Her brows dipped in, pleading with me and I was helpless to resist, I nodded. “I’m so sorry I blamed you for telling my sisters about the problems with the ranch. I shouldn’t have doubted you. I know you wouldn’t do that, hell I realized it right away, but I just couldn’t face you. I was a coward, and I let things fester and I’m sorry.”

She twisted her hands together again and spoke softly. Each one of her words was like a soothingbalm to my tattered pride and aching soul. I felt the weight lift from my chest, pleased that she knew my character and knew I wouldn’t have done that to her,couldn’thave done that to her.

“Do you…” she began. “Do you think we could pick up where we left off?”

God, I wanted to, I did. But that fight in the pasture had highlighted more than one issue between us. She was right. I hadn’t forgiven myself for what happened to her mother and I didn’t think I could. It would always loom between us, like a dark presence, and I didn’t want that to bleed into any good times we would have, even if it killed me to stay away from her.

I scrubbed a hand along my jaw, my heart pounding as I said the words that tasted so foul. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Oh…” Her expression smoothed but the light in her eyes dimmed, and I hated myself for doing that. I didn’t say any more, couldn’t, because all I would do was drag her into my arms and beg her to love me, beg her to tell me that it would all be okay, and we would have a happy life together.

But it was just wishful thinking.

She stared at me, and my heart cracked and shattered into pieces the longer I had to look at her. I saw the tears form and they wrecked me. She ducked her head, staring at her hands and a moment later, a tear fell. My hands gripped my biceps to stop myself from reaching for her.

“Kat…” I rasped, my throat hoarse from all the words, the emotion I was holding back.

“Okay well, like I said, I’m really sorry and I hope we can continue to work together,” she said, her voice wobbly and then she was hurrying out the door.

The cabin was silent, empty. I seethed at myself, at theunfairness of life for putting this beautiful, perfect, wonderful woman in front of me, so close yet so out of reach.

“Fuck!” I shouted, stepping forward and swinging my hand, knocking the diorama to the floor. My skin vibrated with anger. I needed a release. I needed a drink but I didn’t do that anymore and I wouldn’t again, which left nowhere for the anger to go.

I paced up and down, stomping my feet against the creaking floorboards. I went for a run, hoping the exercise would tire me so my anger would dull but it remained, sizzling away and only growing worse.

When I got back to the cabin there was a woman on my porch, leaning against the side, one leg cocked, the foot resting against the wall. I’d only met her today, she was Kat’s best friend which meant she was someone I wanted to get on with but judging by the look on her face, I was already an enemy.

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