Page 14 of In His Arms

“Jess, you didn’t know.”

She pushed away from him. “Yeah, Alex. I did. I chose a man over my dying father.”

“Hey, now.” Alex’s frustration got the best of him. He knew she was emotional but their decisions had nothing to do with the outcome. “You did no such thing. Jessica, there is no way on earth you could have known he would die tonight. So stop beating yourself up about it.”

“But if I’d been there, I could have—”

“Done nothing, Jessie.” He swept his thumbs beneath her eyes. “Sweetheart, there isn’t anything different you could have done.”

“No,” she whispered. “But I could have at least said goodbye.”

Lena came up beside them. “Jessie, it’s ok, sweetie,” she whispered. She stroked Jessica’s cheek, nothing but compassion in her small movements.

Jessica moved away from Alex. “I’m fine, Mom. You’re the one I’m worried about.”

“Don’t worry about me, Jessie.” She lifted her head, swiping away her own tears. “You’re my baby and I love you. That’s what keeps me strong through all this. If I know you’re all right, I’m fine. Your daddy would never want either one of us to be in pain, sweetie. We have many people here that love and care for us and are willing to help us thorough this.” She looked over at Alex. “Can I have a few moments alone with my daughter?”

Alex nodded. “I’ll be back in a couple of minutes. Do you need anything?”

Jessica curled into her mother’s arms. “No.”

“All right.” He wanted to kiss her, but instead left without another word.

****

Jessica spent the rest of the day away from him while she helped her mother plan the funeral. He called her around two in the afternoon and invited her to dinner in an effort to spend time with her. Thankfully, she didn’t push him away like she had at the hospital. He invited her to his house since it seemed less chaotic. They had dinner together, though they didn’t talk much. She didn’t cry on him, but he saw her sadness.

“Are you okay?” Alex asked as he sat across from her at the table. They’d finished their dinner and he couldn’t stand the silence anymore.

“Not really.”

“Do you need something?”

“I need to tell you something.” She stared over his shoulder, refusing to meet his eyes. “Mom said she didn’t get to tell him goodbye either. He fell asleep and then started having respiratory problems. She called an ambulance, and the last she saw of him alive was when they loaded him in the back of the ambulance.” He reached out to touch her cheek, and she finally met his eyes. “I’m sorry if I made you feel like I blamed you. I don’t. I just don’t know how to deal with everything. I don’t understand it.”

He moved around the table and wrapped her in his arms. “Don’t apologize, sweetheart. You aren’t going to push me away that easily.”

She lay her cheek on his shoulder. He held her a while, simply because he thought she needed it.

“Alex, I need to tell you something else.” She pulled away from him.

“What?”

Jessica fiddled with the moonstone ring, licking her lips in hesitation. After all they’d been through, now wasn’t the time to keep secrets. He waited patiently for her to continue, his own curiosity building. What did she want to say?

“I love you.” Though she continued to speak low and thoughtful, her declaration of love went straight to his chest. “I always have. Ever since you gave me the moonstone ring at the bagel shop. I didn’t realize it until last night, when we made love, that I felt this way. I mean, I’ve always loved you, but not in the deep emotional way—you know, between two lovers.” She licked her lips. “I just wanted you to know that.”

She finally raised her head, tears glistening in her eyes. She gave him a sad smile, one that nearly broke his heart. Silence stretched between them, tension filling the car. Where did he begin?

“Jess.” He dropped his head while he continued toying with her keys.

“No.” She held up her hands. “It’s okay if you don’t feel that way about me. I told you because I wanted you to know, not because I expect you to say it back to me.”

He looked up with tears in his eyes. “I do love you, Jess. With all my heart. I don’t know when or how, but I fell in love with you. I can’t stop thinking about you, ever since I came back to this town, and honestly, I never want to. You’re it for me, Jess. The one I feel I should spend the rest of my life with.” He swiped at his eyes. “What is up with me and all this fucking crying?”

She scoffed and pulled him into her arms. “What a way to ruin a beautiful moment with your dirty language.”

He kissed her, his tongue sweeping inside her mouth while his hands cupped her face. “Come on. Let’s go home.”

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