Page 49 of Hidden Desires

Autumn nodded, glancing down. Jackson knew the tears were about to fall from the look on her face and decided to change the subject. “So what did you have planned for us to do?”

She blinked them back. “I want to go bowling.”

“Oh, have you ever played Jackson in a game of bowling? The boy needs bumpers to get the ball to the pins.” Davis stepped away and grabbed his drink. He glanced over at Jackson. “And my sister was the best in the league.”

Autumn met his eyes. “If you don’t want to, that’s fine. We’ll do something else.”

“Bowling is fine.” Jackson gave Davis a look, warning him to shut his big fat mouth. “Gives you an excuse to teach me.”

Autumn seemed happy enough with that and left them to get ready. Jackson rubbed his brow. “Davis, do me a favor and keep your big mouth shut.”

“What did I do?”

“She’s still sensitive about the baby. Just don’t talk about it unless she brings it up.”

Davis waved him off and parked his butt on the couch again.

He knew a million and one things were going through her mind. Not only was she grief-stricken, she saw Peyton as the child she always wanted, the child she’d never get to know. Jackson saw it in her eyes when Davis talked about her doll, making fun of it almost subconsciously mocking her. He knew he meant well, but sometimes Davis just didn’t use his brain.

* * * *

Autumn held Jackson’s hand as they walked through the park. Davis was right, Jackson needed kiddie bumpers. She smiled at the act he put on, knowing he only wanted her to guide him. He probably thought it made her feel needed.

“You’re a terrible liar.” She pulled him to a cozy remote area where they could sit in the grass and watch the geese swim on the lake. “I know your hiding something from me. Might as well spill it.”

Jackson sat with her between his legs, arms holding her close. “I was just thinking.”

“About what? The baby?”

He pressed his face into her neck. “Among other things.”

She was an emotional wreck ever since the doctor told her what happened. She understood his need to protect her but hated that he walked on egg shells because of it.

“Tell me.”

“You miscarried on the same day my mother died.”

She remained quiet, letting him talk about it and not pressing him for information.

“My mom was pregnant when she died, with a little baby girl. Chloe was her name.”

Autumn laced her fingers with his. “Chloe’s a beautiful name.”

“Yeah.” He licked his lips. “My mom let me help her pick it out. She wrote down three names she liked and I got to choose out of those three which one we’d call the baby. I chose Chloe.”

“How old were you?”

“Nine.”

A million questions ran through Autumn’s mind, each one being something she knew she couldn’t ask him. She wanted to know about his past. She wanted to understand his background, where he came from, who brought him into this world and made him the man he is today. She wanted to ask these things but at the same time she never wanted to talk about it. His past brought him pain, and no matter what age, losing a parent is hard.

“Look, I didn’t mean to bring a rain cloud in on our sunny day. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up.” He kissed her and she laid her head back against his shoulder.

“Jax, there’s no such thing as a ‘perfect’ day. Being with you is my perfect day, and honestly, that’s all I can ask for.” She turned in his arms. “I want you to know you can tell me anything, Jackson. Don’t hold back your feelings because your afraid you’ll upset mine. I hate that you’re dealing with so much pain by yourself. I know it’s in the past. I know losing a parent is hard, and you’d do anything you could to spend just one more day with them. But talking about it might help clear the air.” She framed his face with her hands and kissed him. “You’re a good man, Jackson. A good, honorable man who deserves to be happy no matter what happened in the past.”

She stroked his cheeks with her thumbs. “I love you so much, even if you don’t think it’s possible and even when I’m mad at you.” She smiled at him and he gradually returned the favor. “I love the look I put in your eyes when we’re together and alone, being casual or intimate. You make me feel so special with that look, Jackson, and I could only hope I reflect the same.”

“I’ve got to do something.” He glanced away from her, tears filling his eyes. “Something by myself.”

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