Page 45 of Hidden Desires

She wiped her eyes and glanced away. “Everything is so cut-and-dry with you, isn’t it? Black and white with no gray in the middle.”

He wrapped his arms around her and rested his chin on her shoulder. “No. It used to be but it isn’t anymore. I don’t think you want pity, Autumn. You’re a strong woman and you’re very capable of standing on your own two feet. But when I try to be nice to you, you bitch at me and when I’m smart with you, you cry. So I’m caught up in the middle, trying to figure out what I’m supposed to do and what’s the right thing to say to you.”

Autumn pulled away from him. “I’m tired of talking. I need to get away from here.”

She stood and the world spun. She reached out for Jackson just as warm liquid ran down her leg. He questioned her, but his voice sounded so far away. Autumn closed her eyes and gave into the darkness.

* * * *

Jackson paced the hospital floors until the doctor came out for an update. Autumn came in with uterine bleeding and after an examination, the doctors diagnosed her as having a miscarriage. He sank into one of the nearby chairs with Kristin at his side, rubbing his back comfortingly. Davis called the Major and Nick, to let them know what was going on. Both said they’d come home as soon as possible.

It was around eight that night before Jackson could go in and see her. They wanted to keep her overnight for observation, a precautionary measure her doctor explained. He promised that if all went well throughout the night, she’d be released in the morning.

Autumn curled up on her side in the bed watching a comedy on the television. She didn’t see him enter the room. He walked to the bed. “How are you feeling?”

She shifted slightly, though she still didn’t look at him. “I’m cramping. The doctors said it’d last a while longer so I have to just tough it out.”

He pulled a chair to the bedside giving Autumn the space he assumed she needed. “Davis called your father and Nick. They said they’d be here as soon as they could.”

“I don’t need them here.” Autumn shifted again and sucked in a breath. Jackson watched her hand go to her stomach, her eyes closing as tears slid down her cheeks.

He pulled his windbreaker off, each of her sobs killing him slowly as she lay there in pain. He climbed in bed beside her, careful not to hurt her. She buried her face in the pillow as her body shuddered, the sound of her cries muffled. Jackson rubbed his hand the length of her arm. He waited for her to calm down, literally stopping in exhaustion. Eyes closed, she laid her head on the pillow she hugged.

“I want to stay all night with you.” Jackson kissed her shoulder. “But if you want me to leave I will. I really want to stay with you, though.”

Autumn didn’t say anything. She reached behind her and grabbed Jackson’s arm and pulled it around her stomach. She laced her fingers with his and hugged his arm against her.

“I don’t want you to go.” She kissed his knuckles tears falling to wet his skin. “I love you, Jackson. I don’t want you to leave me.”

Jackson laid his cheek against her, pressing a kiss to her neck. “Rest, sweetheart. I’m not going anywhere.”

* * * *

Autumn was discharged from the hospital early the next morning, and Jackson immediately carried her home. For the sake of her sanity, he asked Jeffery if he’d leave. He promised to keep them updated and requested he keep his father and brother updated as well. Davis kept his distance, working with the police on behalf of Autumn and helping when necessary.

Ever since Jackson put her in bed, she slept. He held her when she cried and convinced her to eat a little bit of food. The doctor explained her grief over the baby, and that it would take some time to heal emotionally. He also explained Jackson’s need to be there for her.

“I was suppose to meet with the detective today,” Autumn mumbled, waking up for the third time that day.

“I sent Davis. Don’t worry about it.” He rubbed her back, wanting to pull her closer to him for protection if nothing else.

“I’d really like to take a shower.” She pulled away. “I’m okay if you have something else you need to do.”

He brushed her hair from her face. “Trying to get rid of me again?”

She gave him a sad smile. “No. I just want to be by myself for a little bit.”

He watched her gather her clothes, a new set of pajamas, and walk slowly into the bathroom. After he was satisfied she was okay, he left the bedroom in search of something to eat. He wasn’t really hungry, but his stomach ached and he felt weak. He needed some energy and nourishment to keep going.

“Hey. How is she?” Davis stood in the kitchen, smearing Miracle Whip on two slices of bread.

“She’s Autumn. Buries everything deep inside until she explodes with emotion.” He took a seat at the bar watching Davis pile turkey lunch meat on the bread. “She hasn’t talked about it yet. She just cries, which the doctor said was part of the grieving process.”

He grabbed Davis’ sandwich and started eating. Davis didn’t seem to mind, grabbing two more slices of bread and lunch meat to fix another. “What about you, Jack? Are you doing okay?”

He chewed slowly. “I’m fine.”

Davis cleaned up his mess. “You’re allowed to grieve too you know. It was your baby.”

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