Page 70 of The Arrangement

"Isn't that your regular? Cheryl or whatever?" The woman's close-cropped hair looked like it had been cut recently, but it was definitely her.

Sarah barely looked in the direction of the woman before shrugging, "Oh yeah, it does look like her."

I made a face. "It's obviously her."

Sarah rolled her eyes. “So I couldn’t help but notice tall, dark and handsome Sebastian staring at you all night.”

I shrugged, pushing around my oatmeal that had suddenly lost its flavor. “It’s nothing, Sarah, he’s just my neighbor.”

Sarah choked back a laugh. “Well, your neighbor looks like he’s got it bad for you.” I could feel her eyes on me as she waited for a response, but I took a sip of my mimosa instead. “Georgia, when was the last time you had a relationship or even got laid?”

I threw back my head. “Sarah, I don’tneeda relationship to be happy!” Sarah’s eyebrows pushed together before straightening the salt and pepper shakers in the middle of the table.

“And are you?” she asked softly, looking at me below her thick eyelashes.

“Am I what?”

“Happy?”

I opened my mouth. And then I closed it. Then I cleared my throat. “I don’t need a man to be happy. Iamhappy. I can take care of things myself, I don’t need anyone else to do it!”

I sighed as Sarah sat back, crossing her arms while regarding me with an annoying look of self satisfaction on her heart shaped face.

“Georgia, you can take care of things. You are. But Jesus, aren’t you exhausted?”

This time I looked at her confused. “Why would I be exhausted?”

Sarah rolled her eyes as if what she was about to say was beyond common sense. “You stayed in a two year long loveless relationship because you didn’t want to hurt someone's feelings. Admit it.”

I took another drink from my flute, my mouth suddenly dry and the heavily poured mimosa just serving to burn it further.

“It just didn’t seem right to break up with him; he was a good guy,” I replied, the thought of Dylan flashing through my head quickly with no emotion attached. The thought of him brought up the same feelings as seeing my usual pharmacist or grocer. Nice, but nothing more.

My friend leaned forward, taking my hand in hers. I prickled at the touch; as much as I loved her, physical intimacy always felt a little weird to me, and no, I didnotwant to bring that up in therapy, thank you very much.

“Your happiness didn’t give you that, right? You stayed because itfelt better to you to make sure someone else was happy over your own wants and needs.” She sighed, leaning back and taking her own glass. “I didn’t say slash his tires and ruin his credit score, I am just saying it’s not selfish to think about yourself.”

Pushing my oatmeal away from me, I wrapped my arms around myself. “I have my grandmother to think about.”

“I’ve met your grandmother, and I know for a fact she would be devastated to know that you put your life and happiness on hold to care for her.” Sarah paused, her eyebrow ticking up for a moment. “Life is too short not to go after what we want. Maybe, just maybe Georgia Clark, you could let someone take care of you for once.”

I openedmy mouth but closed it tightly as the waiter came to gather our items, and we left. The car was warm, and she had seat heaters, so I was nearly lulled into a nap as Sarah pushed on a podcast. We drove home in near silence. I feigned a slight headache so she wouldn't think I was upset or acting weird, because I wasn't.And I wasn’t quiet because I was thinking about if I was happy or not. Or that the last time I did feel happy was around Sebastian. Or the bookstore. Or my grandmother. But Sebastian? Fuck, he was becoming part of it, and I didn’t know how to process that.

I shut my eyes tightly, pushing back the burning sensation behind my eyelids when I remembered his hurt expression. The way the hurt had morphed into an emotionless mask as he left the hotel room. Because I fucked up. Because the thought of being really vulnerable with someone made me panic, made me want to run. This was just supposed to be a distraction, a stupid way to make money and fuck the guy I had been daydreaming about for the last year and a half.

Blowing out a breath, I dodged Sarah’s glance and pushed on some sunglasses.

I was fine. I was just fine.

It waslate evening when I returned home, greeted enthusiastically by Hannah winding herself around my ankles as I tried not to step on her before scooping her up in my arms. All I wanted to do was take a hot bath and crawl into bed, but no. Tonight was restock night at the coffee shop, and it was the last thing I wanted to do.

But I remembered my plan: get Grandma's housing paid for a calendar year. Get completely caught up on bills and actually have a savings account like an adult.

I swallowed hard around the lump in my throat as I thought about Sebastian. No, no, we could still make this work. It was a stupid mistake, a lapse in judgment. I couldn't even blame alcohol because we’d been barely buzzed by the time we got back to the hotel room. I remembered everything in graphic, full-color detail. And it made it all the worse.

Shaking my head to clear my thoughts, I wrapped my old wool coat around me and walked out to my car. The stupid bow was still in the backseat, just another reminder of that stupid man again—that stupid, beautiful, kind man.

Jerking the wheel harder than necessary, I pulled out of the parking lot and onto the road; the evening was a brilliant spray of golds and purples as the sun made its way behind the buildings, but I saw none of it behind the veil of tears I sniffed back.

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