Page 134 of Can't Always Get What You Want

“That’s not true,” she whispers.

“Isn’t it?” I challenge. “Because it sure as hell didn’t feel like I mattered to you in that moment.”

“I panicked, Luca.”

“Yeah,” I say, stepping back. “Well now I’m panicking, too. Because I think this thing between us only feels real to me.”

She looks like she’s about to cry.

Not to be heartless, but good.

This is called a consequence.

“I’m a decent dude. I deserve better,” I say quietly. “You know I’m right.”

When I push up from my stool, she looks shocked.

“Wait—where are you going?”

I look at her, and this time, my voice is soft. Broken. “Home. To bealone.”

And I can’t get there fast enough.

I don’t remember walking to my car. I don’t remember unlocking the door of my black, shiny Range Rover. All I know is I’m behind the wheel now, interior dim. The only sound the hum of the engine and my heartbeat pounding like a war drum in my ears.

I grip the steering wheel.

My jaw aches from how hard I’ve been clenching it. My chest? Feels like someone took acrowbarto it. Cracked it open. Reached in and yanked my whole damn heart out without warning.

I stare straight ahead, blinking hard, trying to keep the stingin my eyes from turning into something worse. Rub them with my knuckles.

I’m not a crier.

Not really.

But this feels like…

Grief.

I seriously thought what we had was awesome. Except for that bullshit with her brother, itwas so fucking good. Perfect. The kind of connection that makes you believe in love at first sight and meant to be.

Made me hopeful.

I lean forward, resting my forehead against the steering wheel, emitting a long, slow breath that sounds suspiciously like a sob.

God, I’m so stupid!

I told her things I’ve never told anyone. Let her into the deepest, ugliest parts of me. And when it came time for her to do the same?

Nova couldn’t stand up for herself.

Or me.

Or us.

Pulling out of the small parking lot of the steak restaurant I thought was a safe place to meet, the neighborhood blurs past as tears threaten to fall down my face.

I shouldn’t be driving like this, but I don’t want to pull over to the side of the road and cry like a big, old jackass.

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