Page 106 of All Your Firsts

“I know. I’ll do anything.”

“It’s gonna cost you.”

“I’ll pay with my life,” I say as I hold the phone tighter to my ear.

“I was hoping you’d say that,” he says, and I can practically feel his Cheshire cat smile from the other end.

Twenty-Five

Rosie

Irun through the pouring rain until I get to the forest line just beyond the houses where Vic lives. I can feel the freezing cold seeping into every inch of my body, numbing my skin and chilling me to the core, yet I pay it no mind.

Everything feels distant and empty except for the overwhelming pressure in my chest.

How could he deceive me with every word, every action, every touch, every kiss?

Each breath I take feels shallow and strained, leaving me feeling suffocated and unable to regain control of my breathing.

As I pace the edge of the forest line, I try to focus on the earthy scent of moss and dampness that permeates the air. In my struggle to stay present and avoid being consumed by a panic attack, time loses its structure, melding into a confusing blur of emotions.

I don’t know where I go from here.

I feel sodamn alone.

What made me believe I could be happy? How could I have been so naive? I was a fool to hope for more.

The sudden ring of my phone startles me. I hesitantly look, only to see Jess’s name.

“Hello.”

“Rosie, Vic called and said you might need me. Are you okay?”

No, I’m dying inside.

“Can you pick me up if you aren’t busy? I’m outside of the houses Vic lives in.”

“Can you share your location?”

“I will.”

The moment her car pulls up, I jump in. “I’m so sorry for the inconvenience... and your wet seat.”

“Never apologize for needing help. Here.” She shrugs out of her jacket and hands it to me. “You must be freezing.”

“Thank you.”

“I made you a hot chocolate from the shop. Chocolate helps everything.”

I grab it and take a gulp. It’s warm, and the chocolate tastes delicious as it melts in my mouth.

“I swear I don’t deserve your friendship.”

“Don’t you dare! You’ve been a great friend to me.” She looks over at me. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I wish I could erase this morning and go back to last night.”

“Oh shit, it’s one of those...”

---