Page 46 of Cleats and Pumps

I jumped into the shower after that and thought about Amos. I liked what he was doing here. It was impressive. Amazing, really. It showed resilience in the face of adversity, and even the homophobes would probably find that appealing.

I was proud of him, plain and simple. Amos Clark was a good egg, I thought, using my grandpa’s old saying for someone he liked.

Now, I just needed to get my shit together enough to have the conversation I knew was needed. He’d said he liked me the day I woke up at Owen’s. I needed to find out if that was real, or just some bullshit he was spouting to feel better about how we’d left things in the past.

I had no idea what I wanted the outcome of this conversation to be though. On one hand it was beyond exciting to think we had a future; on the other, it seemed like some romance novel wet dream.

I thought of the manuscript I’d written. Curing the demons— that’s what I’d been doing. No matter how tonight went, I was determined to accept things as meant to be. No more pining over a man who didn’t want me… If he did want me, then he’d need to step up to the damn table and show me.

32

Amos

“GodIloveenchiladas,”I said as I dug into the double order the server had just brought me. I liked this little restaurant because the few times I ate in public here none of the wait staff seemed to recognize me, and there was seldom anyone here, at least this early in the afternoon.

“You just love to eat,” Tommy said, snickering.

“Hey, I’m working it all off though,” I said defensively, although I knew he was joking. “So, you wanted to talk?” I asked and waited for Tommy to answer.

He paled a bit, then swallowed hard. “Amos, we’ve… um, you and I have, um… well, shit, you know how things have been.”

The crease that formed between his eyebrows when he was frustrated showed, and I desperately wanted to reach over and smooth it out.

“I know I fucked up…” I said and put my fork down so I could concentrate on him.

Tommy stared at me a long time before he took a deep breath and sighed. “Why… why did you fuck around with me if youweren’t interested?” he asked in a lowered voice, clearly trying to protect my privacy.

“I… I didn’t know what was going on with my sexuality, and I didn’t want to lose you. I was crushing on you hard, and you were my friend, my best friend, not to mention my fucking roommate. That night felt so good. So right, I wanted you so bad, wanted what we’d done. Then, I freaked out and lost you anyway.”

I forced myself to look Tommy in the eye, and I noticed he was getting misty-eyed. “You are telling me, after all this time, that you wanted what happened between us?” he asked.

I nodded and took a drink of my iced tea to wet my now very dry throat. “I didn’t… shouldn’t have…”

“You’re wrong…” Tommy said and wiped an errant tear as it slid from his face. “I was in love with you but didn’t know how you felt. The one time before that night, when I’d tried, you told me you weren’t interested. Told me you thought of me as your brother. All these fucking years, Amos, I’ve been blaming myself for forcing you to fuck around when you didn’t want to.”

I gawked at him. “Didn’t want to? I practically ripped your clothes off you. It’s all I could think about.”

“You should’ve told me… Amos, you shoulda…”

“You left…”

I didn’t mean it to sound like an accusation, but there was clearly some bitterness still inside me. He had never let me explain, not that I’d known what to say, but he should’ve let me try.

“I did… It hurt too much to stay.”

I stared at him, then sighed. “We need a do over,” I said.

“Can we? Like for real, could we possibly start over after all this time?” Tommy asked.

“I want to; I’ve always wanted to.”

“But… your career?”

I reached over and put my hand over his. I was just about to tell him my career didn’t matter, only he mattered to me, when a huge group of boisterous guys walked in. Tommy pulled his hand out from under mine, causing me to frown.

I wanted to tell him not to, but hell, I knew my career would cause him a lot of grief if people learned we were dating. So I sighed and dug back into my meal. At least he didn’t hate me; that was worth a lot to learn. Hell, it was worth more than all the money I’d ever made playing football.

“Um…” I said after we finished eating, “I’m not ready for the night to be over. Can we please, you know… Why don’t you come over to my place?”

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