Page 26 of Cleats and Pumps

I wanted him. Having him in my arms, even though we were both drunk, felt like magic. I wanted to kiss him, nuzzle into him, and breathe him in, but it was Tommy, not a one-night stand. I couldn’t… I wouldn’t treat him like that when I didn’t know my own mind.

As I watched him leave, my heart died. I might not understand what was happening emotionally or sexually, but I did understand I was losing one of the most important people I’d ever known.

I went out to find him shortly after he walked out, but he was nowhere to be seen.

I texted him, but he didn’t respond.

Tommy, don’t go, okay? Come back, and let’s talk this out.

Still no response.

By noon, I was getting worried, so I texted Owen.

Me: Have you heard from Tommy?

Him: Yeah, he got a ride back from San Antonio with his cousin. What happened between you two?

Me: Long story.

I asked when he’d be ready to go.

Him: I won’t, at least not for a while. I’m riding back with my date from yesterday.

I cussed. I was hoping at least Owen could help me navigate the emotional shit.

I drove back to campus with a slight hangover from the night before, which didn’t help my mood.

When I got back to the fraternity, I went directly to the room, but I could tell Tommy had come and gone. He’d already taken most of his stuff with him.

I didn’t hear from him for a week, but when he finally returned my texts, he said he was coming to get the rest of his stuff.

I tried calling him, but he didn’t pick up. He did text again.

Him: I’m sorry, Amos,I’d prefer not to face you yet. Okay? I just finished my last class, and I’m hitching a ride to Corpus Christi. I’ll spend the rest of the summer down there and work stuff out in my head. I’m sorry, but it’s too much for me to deal with right now.

I tried to call him again, but he ignored the call and my texts.

Owen was no help. He called me a dumbass and said I needed to get my head out of my ass before I lost him for good.

I tried to text Tommy off and on over the rest of the summer, but he ignored me. I was excited when the fall term was about to start because I was sure we’d reconcile then.

I called Owen to ask about him, and Owen hedged. “Yeah, buddy, it isn’t good. He took that whole thing really bad.”

“Why won’t he let me talk to him? I could at least apologize.”

“I’m not sure you apologizing again would help matters much…” Owen shook his head and sighed. “It seems he’s pretty hung up on the fact that youkeepapologizing.”

I knew it. I guess Tommy was ahome with a white picket fencekind of guy. He wasn’t one to settle for less. I already knew that about him.

Late August, when the semester started, I combed the halls looking for him but had no luck. Finally, I went into Owen’s room and said, “I’m not leaving until you tell me what’s going on with Tommy.”

Owen’s room was turned upside down. He pointed to the bed and said, “Help me move this over there.”

I stared at him the entire time. He made me move a couple of other heavy items until we could sit down. Then he motioned to the empty chair as he sat on the unmade bed.

“He’s not coming back, at least not this semester.”

I jumped up. “What? You’re telling me this now after making me move your damned furniture?”

---