Page 60 of Cleats and Pumps

“No, Amos, quit that. No, you didn’t do the wrong thing. I’ve never known you to do anything more right, more perfect for you. It’s just I… I’m having a hard time putting all the pieces together.”

I smiled. “It’s a huge adjustment from linebacker to diva, I know.”

Tommy shook his head. “No, that’s not what’s throwing me. You’ve probably always walked that line.” He paused a moment, taking a drink from the water the server had just dropped off.“Amos, you’ve never gone after what you wanted. Not yourperforming… well… not a lot of things.” He shook his head, then continued. “Football was the only thing you were willing to consider, to look at in your life. I just never thought you’d choose this over your football career. And before you say anything, I know you were offered another contract with another team. I figured the news that came out next would be you accepting that contract, not… well, not becoming a Broadway queen!”

I chuckled. “It’s been a long time coming, but I’m ready to live my life, not a life others tell me how to live. I love football, and I think I always will. I know I won’t give it up, not entirely, but Jake already said I’m welcome back there anytime. I’ve also looked up a few other charity organizations who do training with at-risk kids. I, well, I can totally pursue that passion and be on Broadway too.”

Tommy smiled, his eyes giving away concern… and pain. This caused me to take a deep breath, then let it out slowly. “You’re right though. I’ve never gone after what I wanted… not my performing, not my lifestyle, and not my sweet Tommy. Football kept me from going after you too. I’m done with that. I fully intend to pursue you with all I have in me.

“Tommy, I want you to be my boyfriend, to live with me, to make a life with me. Then… well, then when it’s been enough time, then take you to some swanky restaurant, maybe in Paris, and propose. I’m going to beg so hard that you’ll feel too guilty to say no. All of it. I’m going to pursue you until you are mine forever!”

Tommy snorted. “Amos, you are such a freaking mess, but yeah, I’m yours. It’s probably insane, but when you finally take me to that swanky restaurant, I’ll probably say yes. ’Cause I doubt there will ever be anyone I want more than you.”

It was my turn to wipe at a tear. “How is it that six months ago, I was facing the loss of everything: my career, my family… Now,I’ve got it all. Everything I’ve ever dreamed of handed to me on a very battered silver—well, maybe more like copper platter?”

Tommy shook his head, “Okay, you don’t get to make analogies, but you do get to kiss me. Like right now, please!”

I might be a lughead, but I didn’t need to be told twice. I moved over to Tommy’s side of the table, scooted in close, and took his face into my hands. “I love you, Tommy Sanders, with all my heart and soul.”

I kissed him then, and all the loose pieces inside me began to come back together. When we pulled apart, I smiled. “I’m not feeling like a party tonight—how ’bout we go back to my place? I have a lot of years worth of things I want to do with that body of yours.”

Tommy swallowed hard and nodded. “Best idea you ever had!”

45

Tommy

IsatacrossfromAmos,legs crossed on his sofa, my laptop in hand. “Dude, you can’t say, ‘It was fun,’ to a group of Broadway fans. You aren’t just a jock any longer and one-liners won’t cut it.”

Amos chuckled, like he always did when he didn’t want to answer my question—something that hadn’t changed in the years since we’d been roommates.

“Feelings first. How did it feel?”

Amos took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Okay, so when we almost made it to the Super Bowl, we lost, but in that last game, I caught the ball as it was thrown from thirty yards away. I’d fumbled similar catches many more times than I’d caught them. But… when it mattered most, I caught that damned ball and ran my ass off down the field. The opposing team came at me like angry hornets after someone who’d knocked down their nest.

“It was surreal. In that moment, I wasn’t trying to win a place at the Super Bowl, although that was important to me, of course. I wasn’t playing for money, or fame. I wasn’t even playing to win.I was just playing the game. I felt like my world had righted itself as I ran down that field.”

He paused for a moment, then smiled. “When I crossed the line, making my first and only touchdown of the night, I felt like everything I’d ever done in football— all the training, the sweat, blood, tears, the hiding, the pretending— right in that one moment had been worth it. Even if our team hadn’t won, that was my defining moment in football.”

I watched him as he continued to think. “My career was in the toilet and really not for anything I’d done. Just because some idiot reporter…” He stopped and shook his head. “Sorry, didn’t mean that.”

“You did, and it’s appropriate. Keep going.”

He smiled and nodded. “Just because someone found out information about me that wasn’t anyone’s business but my own. So when I was on that stage, auditioning, I had the same feeling I had that night on the field. I wasn’t performing to impress anyone. I never dreamed I could get the part, because I was a football player, not an actor, and certainly not a singer. At least, that’s what I had believed about myself.

“So I was there to have fun, and, Tommy, I really did! I can’t even begin to tell you how much fun I had at that audition. Then”—Amos squeezed the bridge between his eyes—“they asked me to sing about my dad.”

He turned toward me then, looking me in the eye. “Have you ever had something so profound happen to you that your broken pieces came together and fixed themselves? Even when, if only for a moment, you’re whole again?”

I thought of the night Amos had made love to me in the small New Mexico town. “Yeah, I know that feeling,” I said.

“That’s what happened while I sang the lament for my father. I… I don’t know how else to explain it.”

I let out the breath I was holding and leaned over to kiss him. “You couldn’t have explained it better than you just did.”

“Do you kiss all the men you’re interviewing? ’Cause I might get jealous.”

I kicked him lightly with my bare foot but didn’t respond to the question.

---