Page 40 of Cleats and Pumps

I thought about my story as I lay in bed staring at the ceiling. Should I write my whole story? Should I expose my feelings as well as Amos’s? The journalist in me would say yes, and even if it cast me in a bad light, the truth should be spoken or, in this case, written. But the other side of me, the vulnerable side, wasn’t keen on the idea.

I fell asleep thinking about the dilemma around being honest with the world. I’d need Amos’s permission to tell the whole story. I’d need to accept that I would be the center of a lot of unwanted and likely negative attention.

By the time I woke up and climbed into the shower, I was ready to tell the truth. I would take precautions to ensure nothing I wrote could be stolen or hacked. But, yeah, more than anything else, I needed to come clean. To tell my story because I wanted to be honest with myself about what’d happened between Amos and me.

Well, more about what happened betweenmeand Amos. Ultimately, I knew it was me who’d pushed Amos to that level of involvement. Something I was ashamed of, and if writing it exorcised that demon, maybe… just maybe, it’d free me once and for all.

26

Amos

“Um,havetheyeveractually practiced?” I looked at Jake and cocked my eyebrow.

He smiled and shrugged. “When’s the last time you motivated a bunch of high school boys to apply themselves?”

I looked back at the team that played like shit. Like, uber shit. The first day I’d come to practice, the boys had been intense. They had a hundred questions, and now we were on day five of summer practice, and my being there had lost most of its excitement.

Jake had forced each of the boys to sign a document saying they wouldn’t let anyone know I was there. The threat was that I’d leave if anyone did. I’m not sure any of these kids cared though. They just didn’t have the oomph necessary to win at the sport.

“Okay, well, if you’re willing to let me, I’d like to rip them a new one. But only if you don’t mind me stepping in,” I said, causing Jake to smile.

“I’ll call them in now.”

I nodded and mentally pulled up lectures of coaches from my past. None of my coaches had been warm and fuzzy. They were the opposite and definitely not someone to expose to the public. They, however, knew how to play football.

As soon as the team was in front of me, I sat and stared at them for several long moments. “Who wants to play this game? Raise your hands. Whowantsto be out here playing?”

They all raised their hands, and I smiled inwardly.Got you.

“That’s some raw bullshit right there. Not one of you wants to be here. Not one of you is even trying out there. You’re pretending to practice, pretending to play. My advice, Coach?” I said, looking at Jake, wanting to draw him into the conversation. “My advice is that you resign and go find a team that wants to fucking play this game. I think I know a couple of teams that might be interested in a coach that puts so much into a team, and it’s obvious these guys couldn’t give a damn.”

Jake nodded sadly. “Yeah, it doesn’t seem worth it, does it?”

I shook my head. “Nope. Well, I guess that’s it. Thanks, Coach.”

I stood to go, and when I turned around, all their faces were somber. “What? You’re serious now? All of a sudden, you seem to care?”

None of the kids said anything. “Tony, you’re the quarterback; you’re supposed to be leading this team, motivating them, promoting their spirit. It seems to me all you do is moan about the heat. Yeah, it’s hot, but guess what? It’s always hot when you put the equipment on, and you all live in the freaking desert. Omar, you’re almost as big as me, yet you tackle like someone afraid he’s going to break. Logan, you could be one of the best wide receivers I’ve seen, but you don’t seem to care. None of you seem to care.”

I looked at Jake. “I’ll be in the clubhouse if you want to chat. I’m sorry, but if I’m going to dedicate this much time to a team, I want them to give a shit.”

I walked away. Jake was a great coach. He’d been a star of his football team back in his day and had returned to the area to coach because he loved the game. The problem was his team hadn’t won anything in a long time, and that’d created a negative cycle that he needed to break if it was going to get better.

I figured I could be the bad guy here, let him off the hook, let him motivate the guys to try to keep me on board. I didn’t have a clue if it’d work, but it was worth a shot.

I had only been in Jake’s office fifteen minutes before I heard the guys come in and head to the showers. I leaned back in Jake’s chair and waited for him to come in and tell me whether or not they took the bait.

Jake came in frowning. “I’m sorry, Mr. Clark,” he said and shut the door behind him. His face bloomed into a smile a moment later. “Wow, you’re an amazing actor. They’re terrified you’re leaving,” he said quietly so no one listening could hear.

I shrugged. “Hey, if it gets them motivated—”

“They are terrified. I think mostly it’s because they don’t want you to go back and tell the press they’re the lazy little fucks that they are.”

I had to force myself not to laugh out loud. We needed to keep the aura of frustration in place.

“Okay, I’ll skip tomorrow. You’re going to work the crap out of them, and if they meet my quota for reps on the field, I’ll consider coming back.”

“I’m skeptical this will work, at least long term, but hey, it’s worth a try.”

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