Page 17 of Cleats and Pumps

2

Amos

Iwalkedinandscannedthe room. Something I did when I didn’t know a place very well. “Always know your surroundings.” My dad had taught me as a young boy. Being Black, or in my case biracial, and living in the South, we learned to know where and when we were welcome.

My scan of the room had only just begun when I laid eyes on him: short, built like a runner, but dark, I assumed Latino, with piercing brown eyes. I’d never had a gut punch like that just by seeing a guy… or a girl, for that matter.

I didn’t hesitate. Instead, I walked over and introduced myself. He turned his intense eyes on me and blanched.Shit. I’d scaredhim.

He stammered a bit, then his buddy came up and introduced himself as Owen Reed. Then the guy—I mean, what do I call him, sexy? Attractive?Jeez, get ahold of yourself, dude— introduced himself.

His voice matched his appearance. I’d say smart, educated. I knew I was making too much of hearing his voice, but my mindwas spinning just from talking to him. Was it my first man crush?

Owen took the lead and almost talked our ears off as I kept glancing back at the guy.

I liked Owen. If I hadn’t been so infatuated with Tommy, I’m sure we’d have hit it off, but I just wanted to hear Tommy talk.

So, I was honest when Owen asked me why I was considering the open fraternity, telling them it was because of their stand on the LGBTQIA thing.

Tommy’s face lit up. “You’re gay?” he asked.

I smiled—I don’t know why his question struck me as wonderful, but it did. I wanted to tell himyes, I’m gay, or at least gay enough to ask him out, but instead, my doubts crept back in. I answered like I usually did. “I don’t know.”

Tommy’s face fell, and I figured he thought I wasn’t being honest or I was some closet case or something. Truth is, others had asked me, and most of the time I didn’t give a fuck what people thought, but I didn’t want Tommy to think badly about me, so I said, “I want to pledge a fraternity that’s more open-minded,”

He seemed to like what I said, and his face bloomed with a beautiful smile. Oh my God, that smile. It could completely upend me.What was it about him?I wondered. I decided then and there to enjoy whatever it was that made this guy special, as much and as often as I could.

3

Tommy

“Ifthiswasaromantic comedy,” I admitted to Owen, “Amos and I would’ve gotten together during our freshman year.” Owen just shrugged and made a noncommittal sound, like he usually did when I griped about Amos not being that into me.

Unfortunately, for me, at least, we never even talked about us being anything but friends. In fact, we fast-tracked to best friends. Owen and I were close, of course but Amos and I… well, we were joined at the hip, as my grandma would say.

Amos gave so many mixed signals that I finally realized he must not like me or even guys at all. I mean, he was honest about it, telling me he hadn’t come to terms with his sexuality. He didn’t date anyone, male or female, although plenty of people, including me, were interested.

So I forced myself to keep Amos in the friendzone and began dating the dumbest men on the planet. Unfortunately, Owen and Amos thought my run of bad dates was funny. Screw them. Owen wasn’t much better, although he was at least attracted toguys who weren’t total meatheads. I swear some men I went out with were dumber than…well, rocks were smarter.

Amos was a drama major, which was strange for a football player, but by that point, I’d learned Amos was a contradiction. He marched to the beat of his own drum— something I admired about him.

I became a journalism major in my sophomore year, so Amos and I ended up in several classes together. In fact, we spent so much time together studying and hanging out that Amos suggested we should become roommates. Before I could think better of the potential for disaster, I answered, “Sure, why not?”

I ignored the number one reason why not: I still massively lusted after him, thinking of him exclusively when I beat off in the shower.Fuck, what was I doing?

Keeping your straight friend in the friend zone, I reminded myself. I wish I could, but obviously my porn-centric mind hoped he would eventually put the moves on me.

Once we were roommates, he and I became even closer. I figured we were as near to married as one could get without having sex. He was the first guy I turned to when I needed support and the last guy I wanted to see before falling asleep.

I’d be a liar if I said I didn’t dream of those big beautiful arms wrapped around me, keeping me safe, or all the things I imagined doing to him. But as time went by, I’d become so attached to him, I swore I wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize our friendship.

4

Amos

“Dude,Idon’tknow.Why is this so hard?” I asked Josiah, who’d once again listened as I lamented how I felt about Tommy. I’d called my brother the day after we met and told him I had weird feelings about Tommy. Josiah laughed and said any normal person would just ask the dude out.

“I’m not normal people,” I said jokingly, not finding much humor. I was frustrated that my sexuality and who and what sex I was attracted to seemed so confusing.

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