You win. Because it’s real.

Not just stubble and vibes.

Rhys:

So you’re saying…

accidentally Slow-Burn my way into her heart

by pretending to be gay?

Is this… is this a reverse Hallmark movie?

Darcy:

More likeGay Not Gay: The Long Game

Tagline: “He wasn’t gay, just emotionally illiterate.”

Liv:

Starring you. With supporting corgi.

Rhys:

This feels like sabotage.

Darcy:

It’s not sabotage if it works.

Liv:

We’re giving you low-stakes proximity.

You want her? Be near her. Be decent. Be funny. Be you.

No pressure. No big declarations.

Trust us. Let her like you without the pressure.

Give her time to be the first one to see it.

To want it.

Because when she does?

Darcy:

You’ll be right there. Stubble and all.

Rhys:

…I’m going to need more pup cups.

Sir Stumps-a-Lot barked from the couch like a furry general approving the war plan.

“Okay,” Rhys muttered, pulling out his phone calendar. “Phase One: brunch proximity. Phase Two: organic emotional revelation. Phase Three… survive.”