Page 27 of A Midlife Marriage

‘I’m sure.’

‘It’s such a refreshing change.’

Emir nodded.

‘And we make a good team.’

He smiled.

‘Yes, we’re pretty much decided,’ Caro said. ‘Pretty much decided.’ Her voice rang with falsehood, and she knew it. As an escape she turned to the window again, aware that Emir had taken out his phone. ‘By the way,’ she said, a few minutes later. ‘Is your mother’s name really Karen?’

‘No.’ Emir laughed. ‘Her name is Sharon.’

‘I see.’ Caro nodded. ‘And how is she doing? I remember you retired her to a flat in Malaga. Richly deserved I should think. A lady of leisure, lying in the sun all day.’

‘She never lies in the sun.’

‘No?’

‘No. She got herself a job as a cleaner again. She’s up at six, cleaning toilets. Loves it!’ As he spoke, Emir turned his palms upward, they were Caro noticed, a soft pink, like the inside of an earlobe. He clearly didn’t know anything about growing vegetables. ‘What can I say?’ He smiled. ‘It makes her happy.Like you and your courgettes. We must do what makes us happy.’

‘Yes,’ she said managing a smile. ‘We must.’

22

‘Sorry about the boxes. I meant to make a start but …’ As Helen turned to look at the wall of boxes in her living room, her voice drifted away. She hadn’t even tried to unpack. It defeated her, just to look at them. Four of the boxes were labelleddining roomand were full of her best plates, her best cutlery, her best glasses. Three more were labelledliving roomand were full of books, CDs, photo albums, ornaments. Four more contained bedding: single feathered duvets, dozens of pillowcases. Another two had gardening stuff. What was she supposed to do with it all? Her flat only had two bedrooms, no dining room, and no garden.

Kay nodded.

‘I wanted it to look nice, but I had this thing today and ––’

‘It’s fine.’

‘I was going to do salmon, but I can’t find my non-stick pan.’ Face flushed, hands on hips, Helen waved a limp hand towards her kitchen. ‘I might have left it with Lawrence,’ she said, looking at the boxes. ‘Believe it or not, I haven’t taken everything yet. I didn’t realise I had so much stuff. I honestly don’t know ––’

‘Helen!’

‘Sorry.’ Helen slumped. ‘I’m a little out of sorts.’

‘I can see.’ Kay smiled. ‘Is this a good idea? We could take a raincheck?’

‘No!’ Moving across the room, she flung the balcony doors wide open and tipped her head back. ‘I just need some air. That’s all.’

‘Helen? Are you OK?’

‘I’m fine.’ But Helen didn’t turn. She couldn’t turn. Couldn’t bring herself to look once more at the boxes she hadn’t unpacked, the flatpack shelving unit still in its delivery carton. The flat was a mess. Her long-dreamed about, much-cherished place of her own, was chaos and she couldn’t, for the life of her, summon up the slightest desire to sort it out. ‘I suppose,’ she said as she turned back, ‘I’ve run out of steam.’

Kay sighed. ‘Well, I know that feeling.’

‘No.’ Helen shook her head. If anyone had the right to have run out of steam, it was Kay, not her. She hadn’t run out of steam; she just wasn’t inclined to start the engine up in the first place. ‘The truth is,’ she said. ‘I think I’ve lost my domestic gene, Kay. If I didn’t ever have to cook again, I don’t think I’d care.’ Framed by the balcony doors, Helen ran her hands through her hair. ‘This thing I said I had? It’s a chance to work in Bolivia.’

‘Bolivia?’ Kay’s eyes widened.

Helen nodded. ‘It’s not much of a chance. In fact, after today I’m pretty sure it’s no chance at all but …’And shrugging she added, ‘I just can’t seem to be bothered with all this now.’

‘Bolivia?’ Kay opened her mouth to speak, but the loud buzz of the intercom interrupted whatever it was she might have said.

‘That’ll be Caro.’ They both spoke together.

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