Page 6 of A Midlife Marriage

‘Yes. She will be having lots of sex. It makes anyone content.’

‘Oh, well I didn’t ask ––‘

‘It’s the best skincare a woman can use.’ And suddenly Marianne leaned to her screen and turned it left to right, showing her profile as if she were posing for a stamp. ‘Haven’t you noticed my face?’

Frowning, Kay tilted her head. She wasn’t sure where this conversation was going, but now she’d been asked, Marianne did look well. Very well. And yes, she did have a glow, maybe even similar to the glow she’d had back in Vegas, during a brief fling with her old flame, Tony. ‘Are you seeing someone?’ she asked, a small smile forming.

‘Notsomeone.’

The stress on theonehad been unmistakeable, still the conclusion was slow to arrive. Did Marianne mean more than one?

‘Friends with benefits, Kay.’ Marianne smiled. ‘That is what the young people call it.’

‘How many friends?’ she gasped, the question flying out of her mouth like a missile. Why on earth had she asked that? And what was an acceptable number anyway? Two? Three? Fifteen?

Marianne’s face darkened. ‘You and I talked about this, Kay.’

‘Did we?’ Her jaw fell slack. There had been many conversations with Marianne over the last twelve months, for which Kay was, and always would be deeply grateful. In a way, because their friendship had been new, it had been easier to open to her than to Helen or Caro and together they had trawled the depths of the deepest subjects. But friends with benefits? Sex, with more than one man? No, she couldn’t recall touching on that.

Marianne turned away from the sun, bringing her hand up to shield her eyes. ‘We agreed that we needed to get out more. Make new friends.’

‘We did,’ Kay blustered. ‘But...that’s not... I ––’

‘So, I joined Tinder.’

‘You joined Tinder?’

‘And you should too.’

Kay opened her mouth, nothing came out.

‘It’s very easy,’ Kay. Look.’ And before she could respond, Marianne had swiped her phone and opened her Tinder account, so now Kay was looking at the profile of a handsomely proud, and confident middle-aged woman.

‘Oh,’ she whispered, as Marianne swiped through the photos. There she was, her friend, in all her glory. One of the pictures had been taken in Vegas. It showed Marianne leaning against a ranch fence, horses grazing in the background, looking for all the world as if she were about to saddle up and ride off. Kay threw her head back and laughed. She’d taken this picture herself; Marianne never made it anywhere near the saddle!

‘Did you …’ she started, and then paused, remembering the afternoon and the way she had tried to frame the photograph. ‘Did you cut Tony out of that last picture?’

‘Of course I did!’ Marianne said. ‘Magic eraser, Kay. It’s brilliant. Imagine having it in real life? You can just rub out anything you don’t want around anymore.’

‘I thought you said you weren’t good with tech stuff.’

‘If I have to, I have to.’ Marianne shrugged. ‘And I know I don’t look quite like that in real life, but if I put a picture of myself without any filter, do you think they would come? Anyway, by the time they’ve made the journey, they don’t want to go back empty-handed, if you know what I mean.’

Kay didn’t speak. She did know what Marianne meant, but she had no idea how to respond.

‘Are you shocked?’ Marianne broke the silence. ‘It’s not so many friends like this, Kay.’ Her voice was quiet. ‘But you remember Tony and Vegas?’

‘Of course I do,’ she whispered.

‘It didn’t matter that it didn’t last.’ And even though there were only mountains to hear, and flowers to tell, Marianne too, whispered. ‘It was enough that it happened, Kay. He awakened something in me. And it’s nice. It’s so nice to have a cuddle.’

The sting of truth was so sharp it pricked Kay’s heart, and her heart pricked her eyes and tears smarted. A cuddle? She put her hand to her mouth. When was the last time she had had a cuddle from anyone other than her parents? Years? A decade?

’It’s even nicer to wave them goodbye and not be left washing their socks for the rest of your life.’ Marianne stood up. ‘I thought, why not? I’m only fifty-five. I have, I hope, many years left. Why not?’

But again, Kay had no answer, and Marianne had no response and the distance between them was fragile with miscomprehension.

‘I have offended you, Kay. I didn’t mean ––’

---