Page 43 of A Midlife Marriage

Caro sat down, her smile as thin as wire.

‘Six am on a Saturday morning,’ Neil was saying, ‘and I didn’t recognise any of them.’ He turned to Caro. ‘R for rural Network,’ he said, ‘and this is important, because you tell me, what three strangers were doing sitting in a van, outside the brickyard at that time in the morning?’

Caro pressed her lips together. ‘Is that a rhetorical question?’ Her irritation was obvious and rude.

‘A what?’

‘Well,’ she said tightly, ‘as we obviously have no idea what they were up to, I’m presuming you’re not actually expecting an answer.’ Her face ached, her nerves were razor thin and every cell throbbed with resentment. As she glanced up, she saw Tomasz watching her.

Oblivious, Neil re-filled his glass. ‘I’m just saying you’re going to need your rural network. Malcolm, from the stables, clocked them and called Jamie to let him know he better get down to the yard pronto. That’s the beauty of a place like this. Everyone knows everyone. We look out for each other. You’ll find they have your back up here.’

‘I see.’ Her lips barely moved. She was thinking about the day she’d walked back from the station. The men outside thepub.Did some shopping in the big smoke?In London, in her flat she could be gone for weeks, and often was, without anyone noticing. Like Spencer, who she supposed would be back in New York by now. The thought slipped in easy and light as a feather. She put her glass down.

‘I’ll miss that,’ Laura said. Caro looked up. Laura wore a wraparound dress in a size too small and a fabric too thin to offer support. Her chest sagged, her arms were covered in freckles and the thin gold necklace she wore had irritated her skin, so patches of red bloomed along her throat. ‘Have you met many people so far?’

‘Not so many.’ Tomasz smiled.

Probably, Caro thought to make up for her curtness just now, which only irritated her more.

‘We’ve been to the pub a couple of times,’ he added. ‘But I don’t drink, so…’

‘You don’t drink!’ Neil guffawed. ‘Not at all?’

Tomasz shook his head.

‘Well, the rugby club in Alston does a fantastic 80s disco every other month.’ Laura looked to Neil. ‘I can’t think of anywhere else, can you?’

Caro nodded.I’ll take you for cocktails at One World. Show you a view of my town.She stood up, as much to silence the voice in her head as anything else. ‘I’m sorry,’ she started, and having started, had no desire to stop. ‘I’m not feeling wonderful.’ She looked to Tomasz, but his head was dipped. ‘Maybe you could carry on without me.’

No-one spoke.

‘Yes.’ Caro picked up the bottle she had just placed on the table. ‘Anyone for more?’ she said, ‘before I go?’ But it had only been Neil and her drinking, and Neil had just filled his glass and …

‘Leave it, Caro.’

Slowly she put the bottle down again. She’d never heard such a tone in Tomasz’s voice before.

‘I think,’ Laura started as she folded her napkin. ‘I think we’d better be going. We can finish another time.’

But Caro didn’t speak, she was looking at Tomasz, who was looking back at her as if he didn’t even know her.

29

‘That was lovely,’ Helen lied, as she watched Libby rub a flannel over Ben’s orangechin. The bolognese had been edible, and not much more. But that, she thought, was only to be expected. Libby had never shown any interest in cooking. She’d yet to learn that a Bolognese sauce was more than meat and a tin of budget tomatoes.

‘Do you think so?’

‘Yes.’ Helen smiled.

‘It’s not as good as you make it.’

And there was such a plaintive tone to her daughter’s voice, such a plea for reassurance, it had Helen frowning. Libby had always been straight as an arrow. Walking easy, talking in sentences with a confidence that Helen had known did not come from her. It was heart-breaking to see, in unguarded moments like these, how vulnerable she really was. To understand how difficult life was for her right now. ‘Libby,’ she started, pushing her plate aside. ‘I’ve been thinking. This flat …’ And she raised her arm to wave at the tiny living room.

‘What’s wrong with it,’ Libby said defensively.

‘Nothing.’ Helen shook her head. ‘Nothing.’ But she’d barely started and already she’d taken a wrong turn. ‘Nothing’s wrong with it. It’s just small.’

Libby didn’t speak.

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