Page 18 of A Midlife Marriage

‘No.’ She took a sip of lukewarm wine. ‘Unfortunately, I can’t.’

‘And I heard about how you used to celebrate the end of term.’

‘Well teachers like to party too, Craig.’ Kay smiled.

‘I even showed her how to use this.’ He held his phone up. It was open at Spotify. ‘She was really interested. She likesQueen.’

Kay nodded. ‘I remember, and I must go over and chat. I haven’t seen her in years.’

‘Quite a mark of respect,’her father said, as she approached. He nodded at the table. ‘I hope you’re proud.’

‘Oh, Dad.’ But as Kay turned to look, she had to admit it was a good spread. A lot more than the Pringles and warm white wine she had been expecting. Nick hadn’t just pushed the boat out; he’d launched a whole flotilla for her party. And, if it was possible to count respect in sausage rolls and mini quiches (in her world it was), then yes, she was brimming over with pride.

‘Your father’s right,’ Lizzie said. ‘You’re very well thought of, and rightly so.’

Kay smiled. The noise level in the room was loud so she bent to lower herself to speak nearer Lizzie’s ears. As she did, her knee clicked louder than a castanet and she had to jerk upright again.

‘Get a chair,’ her father said.

‘That,’ Kay muttered as she pulled a chair into place, ‘is the first thing I’m going to do. Yoga lessons.’

Lizzie chuckled. ‘That’s what I said.’

‘And did you?’

‘Noooo.’ Holding her cup at her lips, Lizzie shook her head. ‘I did lots of other things, but I never did get round to yoga.’

‘That’s what I wanted to ask you.’ She didn’t pause. ‘What’s it been like, Lizzie? I don’t think I ever met anyone as dedicated to their career as you. What did you do? How did you fill your time? Did you miss it?’ Question after question tumbled out, her voice rising with each one. The quizzical look in Lizzie’s face, made the colour rise in her own. Kay stopped talking and looked down. She felt silly, like a child scared of a trip to the dentist,Will it be all right? Tell me I’ll be all right.

‘Kay?’

‘I’m OK,’ she managed, as she lifted her chin to look at her father. ’I’m OK.’ But he wasn’t fooled, and neither she could see, was Lizzie. And why would they be? She watched as without a word Lizzie stretched her cup towards her father, and he leaned forward to take it.

‘I’m OK,’ she said, uselessly.

But Lizzie had her hands now, grasping them with the strength of feathers. ‘There will always be things you’ll miss,’ she said, her head wobbling. ‘Those moments when you saw the spark in their eyes and you realised, you’d got it right. I never stopped missing that, Kay and neither will you. Working with children is special. We’ve been lucky to have had that.’

‘I’m scared,’ she whispered. ‘I didn’t think I would be, but I really am.’

‘And that’s natural, Kay.’ As Lizzie spoke, Kay felt the feeble squeeze of her hands. ‘Will you take a little advice from someone who’s been there?’

Kay nodded.

‘Start saying yes. No matter how scared you are – say, yes. You can’t spend all your life in this school.’

As the heavy truth of Lizzie’s words pressed down, Kay’s head dipped. It didn’t matter how much time was left, how much was still in the bank. What mattered, what she needed to concentrate on, was how much had been spent. How much it had cost her. Enough, that’s how much. When she’d started this job, she’d been twenty- two years old, she could do a full day in the classroom, go out in the evening, come back and mark books until midnight. She could wake up, leave the house in half an hour, be at her desk within the hour, and not forget a single thing along the way. She could still fit into size twelve jeans. Lizzie was right. She had to stop being scared.

‘You always knew me as a spinster,’ Lizzie said as she released Kay’s hands.

Surprised, Kay looked up. ‘I’ve never liked that word.’

‘Neither do I.’ Lizzie agreed. ‘But it’s the label I was given. I didn’t intend it that way. I was engaged once.’

‘You were?’

Lizzie nodded. ‘We had the church booked. I had ordered my bouquet and chosen my dress.’

‘What happened?’

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