Page 69 of A Midlife Gamble

‘He’s awake now,’ Marianne nodded.

‘You mean it?’ Shook said.

‘I do.'

'Then I will find a time and place to tell you.'

30

'Iwonder where Marianne is?' Helen murmured.

'Halfway across the Atlantic, I expect,' Caro murmured.

'Umm.' Pulling back from the window, champagne in hand, Helen stretched her legs out and glanced sideways at Caro, who was sat in the business class seat beside her. She looked well. A sheen of sun on her cheeks, and contentment in her eyes. She had about her an aura of relief, the kind of ease you might display sitting down at the bank of a river and getting your sandwiches out after a long, long hike. It was nice to see. Even the nervous habit of scraping her hair behind her ears seemed to have fallen away and Helen was happy for her. They were, she thought, sharing space more comfortably than they possibly ever had. All the anger and disappointment she’d been carrying had vanished and this was something they both felt. So much so for Helen, that she’d woken up the morning after the ranch trip feeling as if a slate really had been wiped completely clean. And then, just yesterday, watching with admiration the way Marianne had shoved Tony’s letter back into its envelope had been a small, but sharp, revelation. Because Marianne was right. Leopards can’t change their spots and the lingering suspicion she’d always had regarding Lawrence's behaviour around Caro hadn’t been suspicion after all. Somethinghadhappened. The wonder of it was, the reveal that had finally set her free… was that she didn’t care! With every last one of his spots on show now, there was, quite simply, nowhere left to hide from the fact that many years ago she had married an embarrassingly vain man, who had said what he’d said to Caro, not because it was true, but because he thought that Caro might think it was true. Which made it so much worse. If anything, the only feeling Helen was left with, was a sense of frustration at her own inaction.Whyhad she pretended not to notice Lawrence’s self-absorption?Whyhad it taken her so long to face up to the deep unhappiness at the heart of her marriage? Marianne had seen through Tony in five minutes and Kay had been right, she certainly did not need any knights in any kind of armour.

Yes, Vegas had been revelatory in so many ways and now, as the wing of the plane cast a lone shadow on the dry lands of the American southwest thousands of feet below, Helen made herself a promise. She would come back. She would fill that rucksack she bought just last year, buy some walking boots and finally, finally set off on the adventure she had for so long yearned for. ‘Nine and half hours,' she nodded contentedly, 'with nothing to do but eat, sleep and drink.’

‘And a movie or two,’ Caro said, unpacking earphones, cashmere socks, a padded sleep mask…

Helen eased her seat back. ‘Not too many. We’ve got things to discuss.’

‘We do?'

‘Yes.' Helen took a large sip of champagne. ‘Weddings need planning, Caro. Where. When. Etcetera etcetera.’

‘Oh, the when is easy.’ Caro lowered her voice. ‘As soon as possible. For Kay.’

‘Of course.’ Helen looked down at her glass and then levering her seat upright again, twisted to look across the aisle at Kay.

The seat next to Kay was unoccupied, and although business class was fairly spacious, they had decided that Kay should be the one to make use of the extra space an empty seat provided. It looked like she had. Her legs were stretched out and she’d inclined her seat back as far as she could, but her hand was on her chest, again. Caro had mentioned this new mannerism last night, and ever since Helen had been unable to stop seeing it. There was no point in asking. Every time they did, Kay answered that she was fine. And tired. And looking forward to getting back home.

‘How are you doing?’ she said now.

Lazily, Kay turned her head. ‘Fine. A little warm.’

Helen nodded at the jacket Kay still wore. She'd hardly taken it off the last couple of days. 'You can take it off now,' she said. 'It's been worn. You can say you wore it.'

'I can, can't I?' Kay said and smiled. She leaned forward to ease herself out of her Vegas jacket, smoothing her hand across the sequins as she laid it across her knees. ‘It was a good trip,’ she murmured. ‘I’m so glad we made it.’

Caro nodded. ‘It was.’

‘And now I’m going to try and sleep.’ As Kay reached up for the overhead light, her jacket slipped to the floor.

‘Here.’ Helen unclipped her seatbelt and stood up. Kay would never reach. She moved across, turned the light off, picked up the jacket and spread it over Kay’s chest and shoulders. ‘Go to sleep,’ she whispered.

‘Wake me for breakfast?'

‘Of course.’

And as Kay closed her eyes, Helen leaned froward to push her fringe back from her brow. Just as she had so many times with her children.

Slipping back into her own seat, she picked up her glass again. ‘Right,’ she said to Caro. ‘Shall we make a start?’ She was giggling as she spoke and looking back at her, Caro laughed too.

‘It’s far too early, Helen.’

‘It’s not. Are you thinking traditional, or more age-appropriate dress…’ She frowned. ‘What does age appropriate even mean?’

‘Nothing,’ Caro answered. ‘It means nothing at all.’

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