Page 110 of The Beta's Heart

“I understand. I know you try to listen, and that’s the most important thing you can do, sweetie. Just keep trying.”

As River relaxed more and more under her soothing words and gentle touches, luna turned her attention to me. Her eyes held a mixture of compassion and concern and—unexpected but definitely warranted—a spark of anger.

I understand why you were upset,she linked only me.Seeing someone you care about in danger is frightening, and it’s natural to react strongly, but you have to remember that River looks to you for guidance. He needs your patience and understanding, especially when things get difficult.

I know,I linked back, my voice heavy with regret.I just… Sometimes, I run out of patience and understanding. If Reau had died…

My voice dried up as I once more pictured the boy clinging to River’s belly with blood flowing down his arm.

It’s mentally exhausting, isn’t it? Always needing to be careful with him. Unable to stop him from exploding. Being left with a mess to clean up. Trying to re-regulate yourself afterwards only to realize this isn’t normal, even if it isyournormal.

She sighed as she pulled more of River onto her lap, and I wondered if she was talking about her life with Alpha Kendall Briggs. Before I could ask, though, she posed a question I didn’t want to answer.

Why were you so mad, Ty? Therealreason. I know it scared you because of Reau, but the anger’s a different story. Are you embarrassed because he gave them the reaction they wanted when he snapped?I opened my mouth to reply when she caught me by surprise and hit the nail on the head.Or is it because of how you feel when his rage takes over?

And I let out a sigh from the bottom of my soul.

How?

How did shealwaysknow?

Maybe some of the boys were right and our luna had a touch of telepathy, although I’d call it telekardia—reading someone’s heart—if there was such a thing. Either way, she seemed to have a sixth sense for what someone was feeling and thinking.

I feel like I fail him every time I can’t stop him from exploding,I admitted quietly,but I don’t care that he got into a fight, and Iwouldn’t have cared if he killed them. Being unable to stop him, though? That’s terrifying, luna, especially because he’s so powerful. He’s a hurricane, and there’s nothing I can do to control or stop him. Like what just happened. There was nothing I could do to save Reau! If Quartz hadn’t intervened, I would have had to watch that pup die because of us!

She didn’t respond right away, just sat stroking River’s damp fur as her eyes went far away. After a long moment, she nodded, her eyes dropping to the blood-stained grass and little pools of pink water.

Being helpless is probably the worst feeling in the world,she whispered,and those who have never experienced it cannot possibly imagine how soul-crushing it is.

We sat with that for a bit, each of us lost in our own thoughts until River’s breathing evened out, a soft snore escaping him as he finally drifted into a healing sleep. My heart clenched at the sight; he looked so vulnerable, so innocent, and I dreaded the question I needed to ask her.

Luna,my voice was barely a whisper,what if he goes on a rampage someday, and I can’t stop him, and someone innocent dies because of it? What if that someone is you? Or Peri? Or our pups?

He would never hurt me or his mates or his pups.

No one knows what he’s capable of in a rage,I argued.Not even me.

Yes, you do!she shot back. Wealldo now! We just saw it happen!

Luna—

On my way over here,she continued with determination flashing in her dark blue eyes,I saw that fight from at least four different points of view, including Angelo’s and Quartz’s, and you know what I saw? How River immediately switched from toying with those stupid brown wolves to protecting Reau, even though hehadto know he was giving up his advantage. That wasn’t the act of a violent, mindless beast who needs to be put down. That was a protector following his instincts, and his instincts are solid.

But his anger is so unpredictable, and it’s all the time!I half-sobbed.It’s not just every now and then, luna! It’s. Every. Single. Fucking. Day!

You’re exhausted, Tyler. At your next appointment with Dr. York, talk to him about finding ways to get some relief.

What, like respite care from my own wolf?I snorted sarcastically.

Yes. If nothing else, shift and let River have full control in a safe place with someone who can handle him. Then you can take a napor link Peri or one of your friends or just … I don’t know, take a mental vacation. Even if it’s only for a few hours, I think it would help a lot.

Who can handle him besides me? Who can understand him like I can?I shook my head fiercely.Nobody, luna.

Not true. I can do both. Ash and Sid, too, and Peri and Dove. Ash and I could take him to the lake or something, and I could watch over him and Sid as they swam and played. I know they run around together at night after one of your nightmares or mine, but this would be a deliberate time for you to take a break when you aren’t traumatized after a bad dream.

It’s a good idea, and River sure does love his Siddy.Then, desperate for reassurance, I asked,Am I even helping him?

Yes, and I can prove it. Think back to the first time River threw a tantrum.

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