Page 52 of Avenging Devil: Part 1

True to his word, in half an hour he returns, this time with everything she requires. He’s also brought a few beers, which restores some of my faith in him.

“Need anything more, just call me.”

As I nod, I have a thought. “Come back first thing in the morning, Kid. We might need more errands run.”

“Sure thing.” He mock-salutes me, turns around and leaves.

A flushing toilet tells me Saffie is awake. Holding the bag, I turn, but before I can call out, I hear her bedroom door closing again. Going over, I knock gently. When she calls out “Come in,” I enter, then I wave what’s in my hand.

“Your supplies, ma’am.”

She sighs with relief and holds out her hand. “Thank you so much. What do I owe you?”

“Don’t worry about it.” I hadn’t paid Kid yet, but doubt it cost a lot. “I’m about to order some food. Want anything?”

“I still feel a bit nauseous from the anaesthetic. I think I’ll just try and sleep some more.”

Sleep a little, maybe. Recriminate with herself, yeah, I suspect she’ll be doing that a lot.

“You want to talk, or just be held, you call out for me, you hear?”

She gives a tired nod and turns away but then back almost immediately. “Just for the record, Niran, I’m glad you’re here.”

“Saffie,” I start. “I know it’s hard. I know it will take forever to get over. I know it must have fuckin’ hurt and I can’t begin to imagine the pain. But as I told you before, I don’t think you had a choice.”

She stares at me for a moment, then her chin raises a little. “Thank you, Niran. That helps. I know some people would think I should have carried on and waited to see what happened, but it would have just been torturing the both of us. It’s just going to take me some time to get over. I—” she breaks off, sobs, then covers her mouth as though to stop more following. “I just don’t know where to start. I miss him already.”

“He’ll always be here,” I tell her as firmly as I can, hovering my hand just over her heart, not touching her, but leaving her in no doubt of my meaning. “But he’s at peace now. He won’t have a world of hurt to look forward to. As a mother, you made one of the hardest decisions in the world, but it was his best interests you had at heart, not yours.”

Words can do nothing to heal a soul. She needs time to come to terms with her loss. She’ll go through different phases before she gets anywhere close to normal again—sorrow, anger, regret, and finally acceptance. I might only have lost a leg, but I know that only too well.

But she’ll get there. I’ll be right there beside her to make sure of it.

Chapter Eighteen

Saffie

Niran says all the right words, but I don’t deserve to hear them. I feel so damn empty, a shell of my former self. So full of guilt for whatever I’d done to cause my child such harm and the one thing I couldn’t do, give him life.

I don’t want to eat. I don’t want to talk. All I want to do is curl up and mourn. I feel so alone. For no reason other than needing company to take me out of my head just for a moment, I go back to the living room, but stop when Niran takes out his phone. I wait while he places an order for pizza.

I note he’s ordered a lot, far too much even for a man his size, probably hoping it will tempt my appetite, but food is the last thing on my mind.

When he ends the call, he frowns at the device in his hand. “You got a charger?” he asks.

“Not one for that.” I point at the model he’s holding that’s a competitor to mine.

He mumbles to himself something about theprospect,tomorrow,andfucking companies slowing old phones down,then focuses on me again. “You look done in, darlin’.”

“I can’t sleep.”

He stands, approaches me, but without my say so, he doesn’t attempt to get close. “Whatcha need?”

There’s nothing I can ask for. No one will give me my baby back. My nightmare isn’t over but just beginning. I shrug.

“You go back and lie down, sweetheart. Try to get some rest. If you need anything, call me, okay? If you get hungry, I can bring you some pizza.”

Lying down doesn’t help, but I don’t call Niran, and don’t go out to see him again.

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