Page 93 of Avenging Devil: Part 1

If I return to my apartment, there’s a risk Duke will find me. But I’ve been careful about who knows my address, lying and giving my old one. I’d even lied on my hospital records. There should be no way he knows more than the name I’m using and that I’m somewhere in San Diego. Would he even set out with no more knowledge than that?

I know I’m banking my life on the answer being no.

Being equally scared of staying, and going back to my apartment on my own, the latter wins out, or at least, that’s how I’m feeling currently. If I manage to sleep, I can rethink everything when I wake up. Things often look different come the morning.

If I stay, would I weaken?

I pace the room, trying to get the image of Niran out of my head. If I’d met him before Duke, yes, I would have fallen for him. Who wouldn’t? He’s handsome, kind, thoughtful and considerate, and while I’m certainly not in the place where I think he, or any man would ever arouse me, if I were to get there, I’m sure I wouldn’t turn Niran down.

My problem is, I’d felt the same with Duke when I’d first met him, unable to see that it was all a ruse. I don’t know how I can shake the thought at the back of my mind that the same thing is happening again. But what would Niran get out of it?

Niran offered to leave his club for me.

The disrespectful way he’d thrown down his cut and the immensity of his offer had astounded me, and I can’t understand either gesture. Was it an indication of what I’ve come to mean to him? But why? Ever since he met me, I’ve been a hot mess. I’ve not led him on, nor for one moment let him think we could ever be more than friends. Yet he seemed set on providing his personal protection.

Or was it a ruse to get me to stay?

An offer to leave a club isn’t made lightly, and that’s if he even can. Knife would have had any man killed who’d expressed a desire to give up his cut. Are the Satan’s Devils different? Maybe they are, but they can’t be by much. Loyalty is earned, and once given, it’s one hell of a snub for whatever reason to wish to leave a club.

Does Niran really think that much of me?

If he does, I’m not in a position to reciprocate.

When I was with Duke, I wasn’t allowed to be me. Even with my first husband I was pretending to be the perfect wife. While I was pregnant, I had to think of more than just myself. I was going to be a mom with another person dependent on me.

That would have been fulfilling, and oh how I wish it had worked out. But sacrificing for a child is different to revolving your life around a man. Much as I miss my baby, and wish things hadn’t turned out as they had, there’s something inside me screaming this is my chance and I should take it. There’s something attractive about standing my own ground and starting a new life with the chance of it being whatever I make it. For that, I’d be right in turning Niran down.

But in the cold light of day, will the dawn remind me that I’m not unencumbered? I’ve a man intent on finding and hurting me. Alone means vulnerable in these circumstances, so maybe I shouldn’t be so hasty turning Niran away.

Maybe Niran and I could make a go of it. I’d be using him, sure, but perhaps in time, I’d find myself as a woman again, and hell, I’d be hard pushed to find a better man.

But who would Niran be once he was a Devil no more? Who was the man without his club? Even he must know taking on Duke and the Wolves by himself would be suicide. We’d be looking over our shoulders for the rest of our lives. We’d always be on the run.

It wouldn’t be fair to make him live that way. Duke’s closing in. Finding me once makes it almost certain he’d find me again, even with a new identity. Much as I hope changing my name again would be sufficient protection, I doubt it.

Without the support of the Devils, I’d be back to square one, and Niran dragged down alongside me.

Do I need them too?Much as I don’t want to admit it, only another MC would be able to take down the Wolves and get Duke finally off my back. But to get them onside, I’d have to agree to be his old lady.

No. No way. My body freezes when I even think it. My heart palpitates, and my lungs gasp for oxygen as if all the air has disappeared. Just the term has such strong connotations I don’t think I could ever shake myself free of the nightmares in my head.

As for Niran, I don’t believe he wants to be an old man, and certainly not mine. He’s either offering for hitherto unknown ulterior motives, or out of a misplaced sense of honour which it would be wrong to accept.

It’s been over an hour since Niran left, and I’m in no mood to go to bed. My brain’s whirring, trying to work out what to do for the best. I sit on the bed, holding the key to the lock that Niran had installed for me, still wondering what to make of his sudden declaration and whether I’m right to dismiss it.

No one has ever offered to give up anything for me. My ex before Duke hadn’t given up much, not even the women he’d kept on the side. Duke? Hell, he just slotted me into his life and carried on like he had before. Niran’s the one man ever to offer to make a sacrifice.

Loud footsteps sound outside my door, and the lock rattles as whoever it is passes.

“Hey, Kink!” someone shouts out, his words slurred.

“What?” is called back, slightly more soberly.

“You really got a bitch tied up in your room?”

“Sure fuckin’ have,” is called back.

The footsteps recede, and so do the voices.

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