Page 23 of Avenging Devil: Part 1

The next day at work, it’s Grumbler who questions me, even calling me into the office to do it. “That woman of yours, she made her decision?”

“She’s not my fuckin’ woman.” I shut that down fast. “She just needs someone to be there for her. Her situation couldn’t be worse, Brother.” I sit down on the chair on the opposite side of the desk. “What she does next is something she needs to decide for herself, and I can’t stand the thought that I can’t help her.”

Grumbler’s jaw clenches. “There but for the grace and all that. This could very well be me and Mary, you know?”

I do know, but if it were, they’d have each other to lean on. Maybe that’s why I’m driven to be something like that for her. Because I know the rock he’d be for his old lady.

He shakes his head. “Mary’s worried as fuck.”

“I’m sorry, Grumbler…” I know Saffie’s situation has to have hit hard with them both. Are they thinking,this could be us?

Suddenly he sits forward. “I’ve tried to dissuade her, fuck knows that Saffie might not want a pregnant woman around right now, but Mary would like to go see her.”

Grumbler’s first instinct could well be right. Saffie might not want a glowing, happy, pregnant woman in her space. I start to dismiss it and hope he can dissuade her. Then I remember, Saffie already knows Mary is hypothetically grappling with similar issues, and it’s just possible Mary’s thoughts might help. I do what I can, but it’s not the same as having another woman to speak to.

“Saffie’s got the day off tomorrow,” I tell him, coming to a decision. “I’ll ask Saffie. If she’s says it’s okay, I’ll take her with me. It’s up to her, though.” I add, warningly.

“If you take Mary, you fuckin’ look after her,” Grumbler growls, showing he’d rather I had turned the offer down. “She’s told me about that apartment block—”

It’s horrendous I know and hasn’t improved by my increased familiarity. “Trust me,” I interrupt.

“’Course I fuckin’ trust you, Brother.” Grumbler turns away and breathes deeply. When he turns back, his eyes plead with me. “Keep her safe. She’s my fuckin’ life, Niran.”

I’ve seen them almost from the start of their relationship, been there through their highs and lows. I envy them for their happiness with each other. There’s no need for him to explain.

Chapter Nine

Saffie

Is it wrong that I’ve grown to depend on Niran being here for the past few nights when I get off work?

That first night, I don’t know what drove me to let him back in after he’d seen his companion out. I put it down to being at the lowest point in my life, and uncaring what happened to me. The news I received had been the worst. Nothing could hurt me more than that, not Duke’s fists or anything else he’d done to me.

So I hadn’t been cautious. While I knew it was far too early to trust Niran and some sense of self-preservation screamed I was doing wrong by letting him stay, I’d opened that door to him.

Niran is far stronger than me. He could overpower me easily. I wouldn’t be able to physically throw him out. Balanced against that there was something about him though, a sense of caring which I’d never experienced from a man before—giving without thought of receiving.

He hadn’t made a move on me. Well, of course not, I’m pregnant with another man’s baby, and with a constantly tear-streaked face, hardly look my best. That first morning when I appeared without the wig I use as a disguise, he hadn’t even noticed. If I needed more indication than that, he didn’t really see me at all. There have been no lewd glances, no checking out of my body. I don’t care if he regards me as unattractive, if I thought otherwise, he’d have been met with rejection. I certainly don’t want him as a man, but as a friend who seems to want nothing from me? Yes, I was desperate for that.

Despite how caring he seemed, I’d expected him to reconsider. I hadn’t expected him to be waiting for me that first day after work. But he was.

I’d had the worst day, battling to keep an insincere smile on my face, trying to deal with time-wasting customers, pretending all was well in my world when it was anything but. The act I’d kept up for eight hours immediately dropped the moment he put his strong arms around me.

I’d leaned on him, physically and emotionally, as though he was my rock, and he soaked it all up.

He didn’t probe, didn’t ask questions to which I wasn’t prepared to give answers, and in return, I settled for what I got. I didn’t need to know any more about him, other than he saw nothing wrong in me using him for a prop.

I’ve become used to him being here, used to just sitting without talking, giving me time to unwind and unpack my thoughts.

One moment, I think I’ve come to a decision, that I should take the sensible course and end what can have no future. Then, the doubts come into my head.What if, despite the odds, the doctors are wrong?

Perhaps I need to get a second opinion. But I keep putting that off. I know I’ve got to do something, but part of me prefers living in limbo, delaying the soul-destroying choice I must make.

When he tells me Mary wants to come visit, I hesitate at first. What good would it do to see someone in my situation, but unlike me, someone who’s carrying a healthy baby? I’m not sure I could cope. But then, I remember she’s told me she’s faced a similar question since she first knew of her pregnancy. While things are looking good now, she knows there’s a chance she might end up like me.

Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to get a female’s perspective, to listen to someone else’s thoughts. A bit reluctantly, knowing such a conversation would make me face things I’d rather not face, after some hesitation, I’d agreed.

Now it’s like the first day again, both Mary and Niran in my space. At least this time I’m up to playing hostess. I place some cups in front of them. Decaf for her and me, the real stuff that Niran had bought and now resides in my kitchen cupboard, in front of him.

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