Page 26 of Hawk's Cry

“I don’t mind.” My anger has fled, sorrow chasing it away. “How can we make things work if we’re not together, Eli?”

“We’re hardly apart,” he scoffs. “I’m only going to be spending the nights in the guest room. Now I’m not doing shit for the club, we’ve got time together during the day. Hell, we might like the break at night. It will stop us getting on each other’s nerves.”

He’ll never get on my nerves. He must be speaking for himself.

“Once you get a job, Eli, you’ll be gone during the day. I may too, if I find something for me.”

“Told you before, not having you go to work. Hell, I was worried enough when you disappeared today.”

I spin around. “Then you shouldn’t have pissed me off.” Hell, he makes me so angry. “And it was only because you didn’t know where I’d gone. You could have picked up the phone and called if you were that worried. We’re citizens now, Eli. That means I go out and do citizen shit. Go to the grocery store without an escort, get a job like any woman wanting to support her husband and child.”

He growls. “And I told you, you’re not supporting me.”

“I didn’t mean totally, for goodness’ sake. We’re in this together now, you and me. I want to play my part. Isn’t that what civilian women do?”

He doesn’t reply. It’s his turn to spin on his heels and walk off.

I call out after him, “It’s about time you decided exactly what it is you want, Eli.” When he pauses, I add, “We’re out of the club. We’ve both got to forge a new way for ourselves.”

Chapter Ten

Olivia…

It’s been four weeks since we left the club and nothing much has changed.

I haven’t returned to the compound, and neither Mom nor Sam have come to the house because I’ve discouraged them. While I’ve been speaking to Mom daily on the phone, I’ve made up every excuse under the sun not to go back to the place I’d probably not want to leave. The reason not to have them visit me, was almost the same. It would be only too easy for them to persuade me to return with them.

I pretend I’m enjoying my new life, but the closest I get to that in actuality is that I endure it.

Heart’s house was originally chosen as it has no close neighbours, secluded and out of the way. The only person I tend to speak to in person, other than Eli, is the cashier at the grocery store I go to, and that’s only to tell her no, I don’t need help out to my car. Oh, there was a woman who asked with interest when my baby was due. But I’d stepped back and eluded her when her hand started to reach out, and I was suspecting she was going to take the liberty of feeling my baby bump the way some people expect to do.

Constantly I pretend to myself everything is well, while knowing it isn’t. Eli and I still sleep in separate rooms, and while we haven’t revisited the conversation concerning the lack of sexual partners in his life, I remain scared in case we do.

I haven’t been successful putting Mom off entirely. My excuses ran out when she sensibly suggested if I wasn’t going there, and that she couldn’t come here, then meeting up in a coffee shop in Tucson would do.

Meeting face-to-face will tell her everything she wants to know without me uttering a word. I don’t have a poker face and know she’ll realise things are not right in my world.

Eli doesn’t seem to care what I do, as long as he knows where I’m going and why. A habit born of years of the club looking after their old ladies, keeping them protected from enemies. Well, he’s not a Satan’s Devil anymore, so we’ve got no one we need to steer clear of. But I’ve humoured him, explaining I’m going out to meet my mom.

“I’m off now,” I tell him. “I’ll be a couple of hours.”

“I might be out when you get back.”

I notice the practice of saying where and who with doesn’t extend to him. Or not without me pressing. “Where are you going?”

He raises and lowers his shoulders. “What you’re always bugging me to do. Job hunting. Thought I’d try the Harley stores. See if they’re hiring.”

What Eli doesn’t know about Harleys isn’t worth knowing, or any make of motorcycle come to that. It’s a good idea, so I tell him so, wishing him good luck. His going job hunting is a good sign, isn’t it?

I even have a slight spring in my step as I approach the coffee shop where Mom and I are meeting until I enter and spy not only her, but Sam as well. It’s an ambush.

Mom stands and holds out her arms. I walk straight into them. We hug, both of us fighting tears, then she holds me at arm’s length.

“Bloody hell. You’ve gotten big.”

“Mom!” I bat at her arm. “You’re lucky I’m pregnant.”

“How are you, Olivia?” Sam’s eyes are full of concern.

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