Page 27 of Hawk's Cry

I suspect she means maternity wise. “Fine. Though I’m getting swollen ankles.”

“Your doctor think everything’s progressing okay?”

They won’t be content with platitudes, so I give them chapter and verse on my latest check-up, having to admit that Eli hadn’t come with me.

Sam’s mouth thins. “Why not?”

I shrug and lean forward, pausing briefly to thank the waitress who’d brought a soda to me.

“He’s busy looking for work.” I cross my fingers under the table, knowing it’s only today he’s started searching for something, and though that’s what he’d told me, I’m not entirely convinced that’s what he’s out doing.

Sam’s looking at me carefully. “Is Eli excited about the baby?”

“Of course,” I tell them. “He can’t wait to meet him.”

“It’s a boy?” Mom claps delightedly.

“We don’t know yet. Eli’s convinced it is.” Or he used to be. Now I wonder if he cares what he gets.

Sam’s regarding me carefully. “How’s the baby’s room coming along?”

Another bone of contention. I force myself to say brightly, “We haven’t started on it yet. Eli thinks it’s too soon.”

“Olivia, sweetie, you’ve only got two months. It could even come early. You need to start thinking about what you need.”

Mom reaches under the table and delves into her purse. “What do you think about these? Sam and I want to buy them for you.”

She’s showing me her phone open to a page where there’s a beautiful crib. Then changes the screen and a stroller appears.

To be honest, it would be a weight off my mind if someone else chose them and bought them for me. I doubt if I can get Eli interested enough, nor could we spare the money to buy anything like this. Presents though, I hope he’d accept.

“I like those.” Or, at this point, anything will do. At least it won’t mean spending dollars we haven’t got, or delving deeper into the loan Drummer gave us.

“I’ll get them ordered then.” Mom looks pleased.

“The girls at the compound want to throw you a baby shower.”

My eyes meet Sam’s, then I look away. It sounds too normal, and while the idea is attractive, there’s one big flaw. “I don’t want to come back,” I say, hoarsely.

“Well you’re going to,” Mom says with determination. “You can’t stay away forever. Everyone will want to meet the baby when it comes. They’re your family, Olivia. Yours and Eli’s.”

Not Eli’s anymore though.

It’s as if I’ve spoken aloud when Sam looks at me sternly. “Look, Ollie. No one likes what went down. The brothers will have bad feelings for some time, no one can deny that. But Eli left. He took his punishment like a man. They’ll come around, eventually. But staying away isn’t the answer. You should both come back and tough it out. The girls want to see you, everyone does.”

“And your sisters.” Mom looks annoyed. “I don’t know why you say they can’t visit you.”

It’s hard to pretend everything’s well when it’s not. I decide to come clean. “I don’t want to upset Eli.”

Sam’s sharp. “He’s angry with us? Or, do you think he regrets what he did?”

“I don’t know, Sam. That’s part of the problem. We’re not really communicating now, or not talking about the things that matter. On the face of it, he’s gotten exactly what he wants, a chance to be a normal man, and not a Satan’s Devil. On the other hand, he’s not assimilating into civilian life, and doesn’t seem to want me to. But,” I give a quick smile, “things will be better once he gets a job.”

“Fuck, I hate this.” Sam might live with Drummer, but it’s unusual to hear her swear. “You’re two youngsters out on your own. You’ve got no family to fall back on. I know he brought this on himself, but he’s dragged you down too.”

“Come back.” Mom’s face reddens as she shares a glance with Sam. “Come back to the compound. This isn’t fair on you.”

“I can’t leave Eli,” I say fast. That’s the last thing I want to do. Part of the reason, and what I’m not going to share, is that I’m scared I’ll push him into the arms of another woman if I give him an excuse and the opportunity. But he might anyway. How do I know he’s where he said he was going today?

---