Page 53 of Paladin's Hell

It’s not long before we’re both ready and heading out. Despite Moira’s constant criticism of Paladin, which is strange seeing how she’s not met him, she’s quite good company. Treating me more like an adult than Ella and Slick, presumably as she’s got no parental responsibility for me. We go into town, I buy some new jeans—Slick had set up my own bank account—and Moira then led me to an Italian restaurant for food. As we ordered plates of pasta, I realised I was becoming comfortable with her. When she asked, it wasn’t intrusive, and I found myself opening up.

“It was a mall, like this.” I wave my loaded fork toward the window. “I was out with some girls my age. Mom couldn’t care less what I was up to, where I was or who with. There was this cute boy, Sy, he seemed to single me out. I was flattered.”

“What girl your age wouldn’t have been? How old were you then?”

“Just coming up to my fourteenth birthday. Sy and I, well, we kept meeting up, minus my friends. He made me think I was special.”

Her lips press together. “Giving you the affection you didn’t get from your mom?”

She’s hit the nail on firmly on the head. “Ella, well, she’s a lot older, but we’d been close, you know? But she’d stopped coming around. I didn’t know it then, but she was dealing with her own problems. I had no one at home.”

I continue eating. Therapy had made me see what had happened wasn’t my fault, but it’s good to know Moira’s understanding that too. That I’d been targeted, a young girl with a single mom who’d got fed up with being tied down with a kid. “After a few weeks Sy took me to meet his uncle. It was him who started buying me presents. Then…” My voice falters.

“He wanted payment.” She’s right. He had.

“He raped me, but tried to persuade me it was his way of showing affection.” Now I lay down my utensils. “Then the threats started. My mom might have become distant, but I never wanted anything to happen to her. They threatened to hurt her if I ever told. I had to do anything they wanted. I was drugged, don’t have much recollection of all the things that were done, but his friends…”

Her hand comes out and covers mine. “But you did tell, eventually?”

I shake my head. “Nah. I was too scared. Ella came around. Realised something was up. She already knew Slick, went to him for help, and the Satan’s Devils rescued me.” My brow creases. “I don’t know the details of what happened, but at least I was told the men who hurt me are dead. I do know that they were the Herreras, and that’s why they wanted to take me for revenge. Because they blame me for the deaths in their family.”

“It wasn’t your fault, honey,” her fingers squeeze gently. “Not your fault at all.”

It’s taken me a couple of years of therapy to get to the place where I can accept that, even now, some days I still can’t. “I know. But what they stole from me…”

She stares at me for a moment. “Paladin rescued you? That’s why you care for him so much?”

“That’s what I remember. He was a prospect then, patched in shortly after. When I got to the clubhouse, I was in a state, all I could recall was him carrying me out of that house. I, er, I sort of latched onto him. I didn’t want to let him out of my sight.”

“Clearly he didn’t want to let you out of his. He ever behave inappropriately?”

My jaw must drop. “No. Never. And Slick and Drummer, well, it would never have been allowed.”

She shakes her head. “Still think there’s something fishy about an older man lusting after a young kid.”

“He’s not that much older. He was only nineteen when I first me him. And he didn’t lust after me.” He’d always been the perfect gentleman.

“Not then, perhaps. But now?” I don’t understand. My face shows it. “You must have changed, honey. You must have grown up since then.”

I shake my head in confusion. “What do you mean?”

Her mouth curves and she winks. “You’re a pretty girl, a young woman. He’ll have the hots for you just because you’re female. But what about you? Does he make your heart race when you see him? You get tingles down your spine?”

I’m confused. “Nah, he’s Paladin. I…” My voice falters. “I don’t know what you’re getting at, Moira?” Then I scoff. “The things you’re talking about only happen in romance novels. This is real-life. Pal’s a good man. He’s a great friend. He’s always been there for me.” Even if there are reactions I should, but don’t get when I see him, that’s surely down to my past.

She looks down at her empty plate, her eyes widening slightly as though she hadn’t realised she’d eaten it clean. “Gonna say something, Jay, that you might not want to hear, but just think on it, alright? Man you’re going to spend your life with? Sure, he’s got to be your friend, but more than that. You’re sixteen now, in a short time you’ll be seventeen and of the age of consent here in Colorado. Boy’s gonna be expecting you to take the next step. But if you’re not looking forward to that, if he’s not the one who turns you on, maybe it’s not fair to keep him hanging.”

As she pauses to take a breath, my head is shaking.She’s wrong. Paladin’s the one for me.

“I’m not a virgin,” I tell her. “I know what goes on.”

“I know. That’s a pity. But what you were forced to do, you should never be made to, or make yourself do if it’s not what you want. All I’m saying is you’ve got space now. You can start a new life, make new friends. Let yourself see if it is Paladin you really want.”

Again, I shake my head. “Want is the wrong word, Moira. After what happened to me, I doubt I’ll ever want any man to touch me. But yeah, Paladin will probably expect it. He’s a man after all.”

Her face flushes as if I’ve said something to upset her. “Then he’s not right for you, Jay.”

I shake my head again, but she’s put doubts in my head. He is my one, isn’t he?

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