Page 6 of Nothing is Free

“You knew?” I ask, looking around I note Mercy’s pack, and Quincy, Beckett, and Malcolm all look stunned from the bomb drop. Of course, she knew, and from the anguished look Mercy gives me as she cries harder, she knew as well.

“She told us two weeks ago,” Faith whispers, looking down at the table as if it can relay the meaning of life to her. “She wanted to surprise you after the gala. She wanted to get Mercy’s big night out of the way.” Faith wipes her eyes and glances up to offer me a sad smile.

“We will find her, and we will bring her and our unborn baby home,” Dez says to everyone in the room.

The dam I’d been holding back breaks at the memory of coming home last night to find a huge teddy bear sitting in the middle of this very table. Between his furry paws the bear held a positive pregnancy test, with a t-shirt that read, “Babyof the pack,” pulled down over his round, tawny-brown belly. A ten-ton weight presses down on my lungs, the memory of Omari’s whine is like a gunshot to the chest. Suddenly I can’t breathe, panic and fear grip me, my chest is aching as I walk away from the table and our guests. I can’t let them see me fall apart. I need to be the pillar for them all to pull strength from, but I won’t lie to myself. I am afraid. What if. . . He could be doing anything. . . No, I can’t let my brain go there. A baby. Our baby. She was giving us what we wanted: a family. Our beautiful, selfless Beta, her love and trust she gave to us freely and I would give my life to get her back. I would give all my wealth away because it means nothing if something happens to her and our baby.

Stopping at the foot of the staircase that leads to our bedrooms, I pause. I close my eyes as I feel her out through our bond. Anxiety. Fear. Longing. Gut wrenching longing. Not just hers, but his as well. Omari. The bond between them has only become stronger these past few months. He’s emotionally hemorrhaging, broadcasting his distress, calling out to her soul, pushing his sorrow out into the world in search of her. Putting one foot in front of the other, I climb the stairs. I may not be able to hold her, but I can hold him instead. Or let him hold me.

CHAPTER 4

FREEYA

I’m going stir crazy. I can’t sit here in this room and do nothing. I’ve never been one to sit still. Even as a child I was always scolded for not sitting still. “Children should be seen, not heard, you silly girl.” My mother’s voice echoes through my head unbidden, making me clench my fists from the mere time wasted on that thought. I need to be active, working, anything other than wearing a semi-circle groove into the floor, especially now. Shaking out my hands to release some of the anxious energy, my thoughts turn to my pack. I can feel Omari, my mate calls to me. The incessant desire to gnaw off my ankle just to break free and run to him is strong. I’m jittery, twitching like an addict in need of a fix, the distance and the time apart is only making it worse. I need all my mates, but being away from my Omega has left me with a permanent ache in my chest that won’t go away.

Is this what it means to have a true mate? There isn’t enough research to confirm or deny our behavior over the past few months. Google wasn’t much help. I even managed to drag Omari to the library. We sat for hours after combing through shelves only to find a few books on the subject.There aren’t many documented accounts of true mate pairings like ours to give us any solid answers. It’s all speculation and guess work. So, we’ve been winging it. The bond between us has only gotten stronger.

Mercy suggested I take a leaf from her own book and write it down. “What better way to help others, Free,” she’d said after making the suggestion. I took her idea and ran with it, and I’ve been documenting our journey since after Christmas. I can only be apart from him for maybe a day before he’s sniffing me out like a bloodhound. Literally, I have no doubt, if it ever came to it, Omari could find me amongst a crowd of thousands.

“You smell like champagne and roses, Petal,” he told me once. “Champagne and roses, the smell of sensuality and sin.” Those were his actual words. Yes, crazy shit. Betas don’t really have strong scents, in fact, it is hardly anything to write home about, but finding out that bit of information was just another step toward learning more about our mating. I know without a doubt I love Omari. I also love my Alphas, but I hadn’t let the words fall from my lips yet.Coward.I don’t want to think about the toll my absence is taking on them, especially Omari. Nope, worrying will only send me spiraling and I need my wits about me.

So far I’ve spent my time walking, no, pacing, that’s a better word. I can’t sleep. When I close my eyes, I am plagued with memories of my years at home with my family. Or the days I spent with Damyn and the other members of the pack I was promised to. The door inside my mind that held those thoughts back is now wide open. The good, bad, and the God damn ugly; I can’t shake it.Thanks,Damyn.Now, I’m walking around like a zombie, with the niggling feeling of ants crawling under my skin, the constant itch to do something, anything to be free of these four walls.

I pace the semi-circle around the bed. The sound of the dragging chain behind me makes me want to pull my hair out and I love my hair. My lack of a hair bonnet and my silk pillowcase has me looking like I stuck my finger in an electrical socket. Captivity does not look good on me.

My last trip to the toilet had me throwing up the sign of the cross at the sight of my dark circles and ashy skin. The worst part, it’s only been three days. The only way to mark the passage of time is the three meals a day Damyn rolls in on his trusty cart. Since he injected the tracker into my neck the first day, he’s been quiet. Brooding asshole can’t look me in the eyes out of guilt, I’m sure of it. I can only assume he’s trying to give me time. . .to. . .what? I don’t know, forget. Forgive? Please! I want to slap the pitiful expression off his face. Stockholm syndrome, my ass. Not this Beta. Three days and I am so antsy I’m ready to make a shiv and stab my way out of here. Damyn has left nothing to chance though. He won’t even let me keep my toothbrush.

I sigh, pausing my pacing, my hand instinctively lays over my flat stomach. I am still in shock over the news.

“If it was just me to think about, I would take the risk,” I whisper to the little bean growing inside of me. “I missed seeing their faces when they got the news about you,” I say, holding back a sob, refusing to cry about something I had no control over. I hurriedly wipe the stray tear from my eye, that for the life of me I can’t will away, and start pacing again. I’d wanted to wait until the gala was over to tell them because I knew they wouldn’t want me to overwork myself. I was ready for them to become overly protective, especially Omari. Mercy, Faith, and I had made plans for me to work from home. All that was left was the big reveal. What should have been a happy moment. . .

“How many tests are you going to take, Free?” Mercyasked as she walked in from her bedroom, lifted herself onto the bathroom counter and waited. This was why we were besties, for moments just like this. There was no way I was going to hide this if I took a test in the penthouse. So, here I was peeing on pregnancy test sticks in my bestie’s bathroom, a few feet away from where she shared a bed with her Alphas. #winning.

I leaned forward and peeked around the tiled privacy wall. “As many as I need to be sure.” I smiled nervously at her then resumed the fine art of peeing without getting it everywhere.

“You really want this, don’t you?” she asked. From the serious tone of her voice, I guessed it was the time for real talk.

“Don’t you?” I countered, throwing her question back at her. Anything to keep her talking so she didn’t have to listen to me empty out my bladder.

Mercy sighed. “Nate and Trey would love to knock me up,” she said almost dreamily, then chuckled. “Lox and Knight think we should wait. Those two are happy to keep me all to themselves. Possessive Alpha-holes they are. So, it’s split down the middle. Personally, Smooth Bourbon is my baby at the moment. The business is my primary focus, so, I can wait. Everything is still fresh and new, you know. I think we need to take this time to relearn each other, and then, who knows.” She tsks and chuckles to herself. “Now, ask me that when I’m in heat and you would get an entirely different answer. . .stupid heat haze,” she grumbled, making me laugh.

“I’ve always wanted a family, the pack, the children, the works. Shit, it was practically beat into me daily by my mother. You would think my childhood experiences and the way I was treated by my parents would have me running for the hills.But, no, I can’t explain it, Merce. The bond, the connection we all have. I know you might think this is too soon, but I feel it. I knew I wanted a family with my pack the moment Omari went into heat before Christmas. I ditched my birth control, but I didn’t tell them,” I said, pausing as I flushed the toilet, reappearing moments later with my six sticks in my hand. Mercy watched; eyebrows lifted in question as I lined them up beside her. I turned on the faucet and washed my hands as I continued to speak. “I didn’t want to disappoint them if it didn’t happen right away.” I shrugged, answering her question before she could open her mouth to say anything.

“Free—”

I held up my wet hand to stop her. She dodged the water droplets, grabbed a hand towel off the counter and tossed it to me. “Look, when you’ve been told half your life you’re worthless, sometimes the insecure beast inside me roars to life, making me feel. . .well. . .just that. I didn’t want to be the Beta they mated who couldn’t give them the family they desired.” The defeat in my voice made me angry at my parents all over again but I pushed down the pain and faced my best friend.

“Freeya. . .Avion, Dez, Vic, and Omari will love you regardless of you giving them a child. They are besotted with you, I see it?—”

“Will they though? A family is what Omari wants most. What they all want.” I gestured to myself. “What I want. What I can give them.”

“They didn’t mate you for your uterus, Free. You mean more to them than that. Don’t doubt the bond between you all. Omari is your true mate. He would want you if you grew another head and became a humpback.” She grinned like a loon, which made me laugh. I knew she was right, but mypersonal trauma, my past, was always there waiting below the surface, making me doubt everything.

I glanced down at the stick. Picking it up with shaky hands, my mouth fell open. Two lines. Positive. Holy shit. Picking up two more of the sticks, I waved them in front of Mercy, making her grimace in disgust. “Well, it looks like you will be getting the title of godmother sooner, rather than later.” I raised my eyebrows suggestively and smiled.

Mercy’s eyes widened in surprise. “A baby? Oh God, Free. Shit’s about to get real.” She jumped from the counter and crushed me in a hug. “You’re going to be a mom,” she squealed.

If I close my eyes I can still feel Mercy’s hug from two weeks ago. It feels like an eternity has passed since then. Now, I am not sure of anything. Every time the door to this room opens, my apprehension grows and my anxiety spikes anew. Damyn’s intentions are always in question. I can’t trust him, not now; I would be a fool if I did. How long will it be before he decides to claim me for himself? The thought makes bile rise up in the back of my throat. I’m already mated but that has never stopped some Alphas from taking what doesn’t belong to them. It’s the nature of our society, the reason why there’s Omega trafficking. He thinks he’s entitled to me, all of me, including my unborn child. I’ve had days to think over everything he told me. How he protected me from my parents, kept me safe, Mercy safe. I can never repay him for those years he spent watching over us. He can’t expect me to throw myself at his feet out of gratitude for it. I didn’t ask for his protection, I am not beholden to him because of it. He can’t have me.

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