Page 25 of Sabastian

Chapter 14

Cameron

A year later

Ididn’t expect Samto be gone when I exited the shower.I needed a few minutes to myself and that was when I realized I’d had the best time with that young man.He must have touched something inside of me.Was it my heart?I had been so cold lately that I scarcely noticed I hadn’t been warm for anyone.He brought something out of me.I felt as if I was in my twenties again and experiencing a new relationship.That was when I first met Brett.I remembered his touch and the way I felt as if it was yesterday.

Brett had gone to a party and he was sitting all alone when I strode in and I couldn’t figure out why a man like him chose to be alone when there were goodlooking men and women circling him hoping that he’d look at them, but he didn’t.He gazed up and our eyes locked and at that moment I knew he was the man for me.

Just like I knew Sam or Sabastian was for me.It was strange because Brett was the same age I was now when we connected, and that jolt of electricity hit both of us at the same time the way it hit me and Sam.What the fuck was I thinking to let him get away from me?

I acted out of disappointment because I wanted the same type of relationship I thought I had with Brett.“It’s over,” I mumbled as I stared trying to wrap my head around loss.Now I’d lost what could have been an important part of my life.The time where I’d met a younger man whom I could have taught about life and protected him from mistakes I’d made in my journey of becoming a middle-aged man.

When I submitted my body to Sam, even though I was a top, it was my way of acknowledging it was time to surrender that part of myself to a younger man the way Brett had submitted to me.I’d enjoyed every moment of his lovemaking.

I didn’t know what I expected from him.I’d just met him, and before I could get to know and have a conversation where we could discuss our needs and desires, I’d fucked up something that started out so good, and ended with me being an ass.

I just wished I’d been more flexible, but I’d been uptight and upset since Brett left me alone and I had to learn how to date again.It had been a year now since I last saw Sabastian and I’d been miserable.I didn’t know another man besides Brett could make me miss him so much.Yet I didn’t try to find him because I’d been busy trying to hold together companies that had been in my family for fifty years.

My mother had turned over her controlling shares to me before she died and I had been running the Westlake department stores for the last twenty years.It was a small group of stores located in Dallas, and headquarters in New York.Lately with the economy in shambles, I didn’t need to lay anyone off because I kept the stores small and the people my team hired were young and they knew what to do to keep profits high.

Since I hadn’t dated since I met Sabastian, I couldn’t bring myself to even look at him for fear I’d do something stupid like call and beg him to come see me.Nevertheless, I threw myself into my work and made myself happy with that and a loveless life.

Because I couldn’t bring myself to get in touch with Sabastian, I wasn’t great to get along with.I was angry and now I didn’t know why.It was as he’d said, “it was a simple stupid lie” that came between something that would have turned into a great life.Sitting at my desk, I couldn’t help but look out at the skyscrapers and think about traveling to Italy with Sabastian and lying on the beaches, then sleeping the rest of the day with him in my arms and at night, dining out at a small restaurant, taking a walk and then back to our hotel rooms and making love all day and night.

I really needed a vacation, but I couldn’t find that person I’d want to share that with except Sabastian.

I was realistic to know it was me who destroyed this relationship before it began.I alone sabotaged it because I was afraid to love again.But now I couldn’t sit here and sigh about what could have been, especially since I didn’t want it with anyone but him.

My secretary strolled into my office after a small knock and he sat in front of me.“We need to go over these figures and discuss if you want to let anyone go.”

“This is a bad time to be laying people off,” I said to Don.

“Just thought I’d ask.I know how you are.You want to run the business like your grandfather and mother, but times have changed.Those young people you hired have turned this clothing company around.It’s about time you are selling things online—”

“But some people still like to come to department stores and try on their clothes.They have this boy...I mean man on social media and he goes to the stores and tries on the jeans and jackets, and purses—”

“He carries a purse?That’s interesting.I wonder if he’s cute,” Don said smiling, daydreaming with a curious gleam to his eyes.I hoped he wasn’t having the same fantasy as I had because I didn’t know what I’d do if I ever saw them together, or with anyone.

“I’m going to New York in a week for the holidays,” I announced.I liked to be in New York for the lighting of the Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center.I may even see a show—”

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