Page 62 of To Hell With It

ChapterThirty-Four

Ididn’t have a window seat on the flight to New Zealand. I was on the end, which suited me fine because I didn’t feel so boxed in and I could get to the toilet quickly if I needed to. It turned out the man with the big beard and stinky shit was on my flight too, but I figured he probably wouldn’t need another one because most people only have a poo once a day, right?

Wrong. This man needed to shit four times. FOUR TIMES. And I knew this because my seat was in the last row nearest to the toilets and he left the same smell every time the door opened. I honestly didn’t think I could feel so dirty without touching someone but he took my OCD to another level. I felt like I wanted to pour my sanitiser up my nose and down my throat and I actually did the third time he got up (not down my throat, I dabbed a bit on my finger and rubbed it just inside my nostrils to take away the stench that clung to them). It actually worked until he got up and did it again.

The only plus side to sitting where I was and going through what I went through was that there was no one else sat next to me. I had a whole seat space between me and the woman by the window, and she was quiet and clean (I saw her wipe her hands). She had her headphones on and I swear she’d taken something for the flight because she didn’t open her eyes the whole way there. So I closed mine too.

When I opened them, I’d landed in New Zealand.

ChapterThirty-Five

Once I’d got my luggage, I made my way straight outside. I decided I would go to the toilet when I got to my hostel – that way I knew it was just me using it.

Una was right. The bus stop was right beside the main entrance, a little way down, and I only had to wait five minutes for a bus to appear with ‘Auckland’ lit up at the top. It occurred to me then that the only bus I’d seen for many years was to Clonmel.

There were only five people getting on, six including me, and I made sure I was the last on so that I could choose a seat away from the others. When it was my turn, and with my hand sanitiser wedged in my back pocket, I kept my mind on the shower that I planned to have as soon as I got to my hostel.

‘Single to Auckland, please,’ I said and I waited for the bus driver to print out my ticket, which I politely declined. A quick scan of the seating arrangements – a young couple huddled together at the back, another in the middle and a woman behind them – meant I could park myself exactly where I wanted to be – standing up, ready to exit first and get the hell off the bus. It was like I was living one of Mairéad’s visuals in real life, except this time I had to stay on the bus, which I did, with my eyes on my phone and my mind on anything other than what I was doing.

Eleven text messages appeared on the screen from Una followed by one from Niall. I knew what Una’s were going to be before I’d even opened them.

He came over….

He said cheating on me was the biggest mistake of his life (damn right it was) and that he didn’t even like Carmel.

I asked him again if he’d slept with her and guess what he said?? Yes! Can you believe that?!!

I could.

Then he said he really missed me and wanted to give things another go.

I told him I would never be able to trust him again and that he’d lied to me about Carmel, and he actually said that lots of men wouldn’t even admit to doing it and that it showed I could trust him and wait for it … that he’s one of the good guys!!!

He said he only did it because we’d had that big row (do you remember the one about him going to the strip club for that stag do?!) and that he felt like I didn’t trust him (no shit, Sherlock) and that he was so drunk he couldn’t remember much of it at all.

Not too drunk to get his cock hard enough to put it in Carmel’s vagina, though, I thought. I carried on reading.

Anyway, I told him he had to go, and he refused!! I was livid. It gets worse…

He’s only bloody got a girlfriend!! They’ve been together for a year!!!! He said she’s nothing on me and that he’s not happy. He even said that he would end things with her if there was a chance of us getting back together. As if.

He was so drunk, Pearl. I made him a coffee because he was in no fit state to walk home, but then there were no taxis so I said he could crash on the sofa…

Then I don’t know what came over me (probably the fact that he took his top off and I could see my name on his chest, remember that tattoo he got of my name under his nipple? He’s covered it up with another tattoo but I could still see it). He looked good. And I thought of how annoyed Carmel would be… And also that it would be my revenge because I don’t care about him anymore and he obviously still wants me (can’t blame him)….

I hesitated before I read her last text. A part of me wanted to believe that she had more sense but I knew she didn’t. I knew what was coming.

So I slept with him, and then took a photo of him asleep naked and sent it to Carmel.

I wasn’t shocked, but I was disappointed. I opened Niall’s text as a distraction.

Window shut.

Window shut and what? Did he do everything I asked him to do? A vision of muddy footprints and dirty taps flashed through my mind. What if he’d looked around the house? What else had he touched? I’d have to wipe everything when I got home.

Thanks. Did you take your shoes off?

No.

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