Page 48 of To Hell With It

I pulled out my checklist from my pocket. My to-do list stared back at me. I crossed out what I’d done and scanned what I still had to do.

Get into Una’s car.

Get to airport.

Get out of Una’s car.

Avoid shuttle bus, walk to airport.

Find exit points.

Avoid drink even if Una gets one.

Get to Departure Lounge.

Say goodbye to Una (don’t let her snotty cries touch my face or clothes).

Security bit: bags, etc., on conveyor belt system.

Find flights screen.

Find flight gates.

Find nearest café.

Pinpoint toilets.

Have a cup of tea (optional, avoid if possible).

Read my book.

Fifteen minutes before departure gates, go to toilet (allow an extra ten minutes for OCD).

Sit back down if time (no more tea).

Wait to be called.

* Niall’s gift *

Niall’s gift, I’d put it in my handbag because I didn’t want to have to dig around my rucksack for it. I was going to open it in the car but I’d been so distracted by my own thoughts I’d forgotten all about it. I’d open it once I’d found the café.

When I saw the security bit, I ticked it off my list and made my way towards the lady nearest to me who was stood on the other side of a conveyor belt. Then I focused on the task in front of me, and nothing else, and put my stuff in the tray.

‘And your shoes, please,’ the lady interrupted my mission.

‘My shoes?’

‘They have to go in.’

‘Why?’

‘If you could put them in the tray, you can have them straight back once they’re through.’

‘But I’m not wearing socks.’

She shrugged and I felt sick at the thought of my bare feet on the ground where so many shitty shoes, and gross feet, had been. I knew what that meant. It meant I’d have to wipe my feet before putting my shoes back on otherwise the insides of my shoes would be dirty from my dirty feet and then I’d have to wipe them too. That was how my mind worked and it was exhausting.

I took my shoes off, put them in the tray and made my way towards a man who was standing on the other side of the security walk-through. It had no reason to beep yet I still convinced myself it would. And I didn’t really care if it did because all I could think about was the fact I didn’t have any shoes on and I needed to clean my feet as soon as possible, which I did by the way, in front of everyone, because I couldn’t be bothered to try and clean the insides of my shoes afterwards.

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