Page 28 of To Hell With It

And so when I saw Jack’s silhouette as he walked back around the corner, I knew before he had reached me what that meant. That he couldn’t go anywhere while the garage was shut. That he had to stay.

He strode towards me with a grin on his face and a glint in his eye, but all I could think about was whether or not Mr O’Callaghan’s penis was hard when he died, because surely it would stiffen up too?

ChapterSeventeen

It turned out that Mr O’Callaghan’s penis couldn’t have been hard when he died because that only happened when a man was hung or strangled, and I’m pretty sure Mrs O’Callaghan hadn’t strangled Mr O’Callaghan in his sleep, although the post mortem would confirm that.

My OCD had been in overdrive since Jack had arrived and left and then arrived again and I couldn’t get it out of my head. I had wondered whose penis would replace Mr O’Callaghan’s now that he was dead. Jack’s?

Everyone had bundled into the pub to talk about what had happened, apart from Niall, who had stayed with Mrs O’Callaghan to grieve. I’d wondered what Mrs O’Callaghan would do now that Mr O’Callaghan had gone, if she’d give it all up and do something other than run the village shop, although I couldn’t imagine her doing anything else, really.

I had left Jack in the pub with Una, who was delighted because it meant she could grill him about me. I made her promise she wouldn’t say anything embarrassing and when I was satisfied that she wouldn’t, I ran home faster than I had run in my life.

I pulled on my peach-lacy vest top with lacy straps and kept my jeans on. They’d ripped at the knee – I hadn’t bought them like that – but they looked trendy and made me feel sexy. Although I wished I had a tan to finish it off.

The vest was completely over the top for the pub (and for me) but in that moment I didn’t care if it meant Jack saw me in it. I’d yanked it down before I’d walked back inside the pub so that my breasts – what there was of them – were on display.

I found Una at the bar with a shot of vodka. Jack was talking to Sally at the other end of the pub.

‘What the hell are you wearing?’ Una gawped down at my chest.

‘What do you mean?’

‘What have you got down there, a pair of socks?’

‘Nothing, actually, they’re all mine,’ I lied and Una knew it was a lie because we’d seen each other’s breasts when we were younger. We used to compare sizes, but Una’s kept growing like mountains and mine had stopped before they’d peaked.

‘He knows what your tits look like. And so do I.’ She ignored my protests. ‘There’s no point trying to make them look bigger than they are.’

‘It was dark actually.’

‘Yeah, but he still felt them.’

‘Kind of.’

‘How can he kind of feel your tits?’

‘I kept my bra on.’

‘You kept your bra on? Jesus, Pearl, did you keep your salmon-pink jumper on too?’

‘Fuck off. There wasn’t time to take everything off.’ I cursed myself for going to check on the woodlice when I could have been having sex with Jack.

‘So basically, what you’re saying is Niall saw more of you in the porch than Jack did in your bed?’ Una laughed (I’d made the mistake of telling her about what happened with Jack and the porch and Niall finding me there semi-naked, and knew I’d never hear the end of it). ‘And then his poor dad died. Did you hear that Mrs O’Callaghan went downstairs, made a cup of tea, took it up to him, and didn’t realise he was dead until it went cold? Can you imagine that? She probably had a whole conversation with him while he was lying there. He must have been dead for hours. How could she not have known he was dead next to her? Have you spoken to Niall?’

‘Not yet,’ I said.

‘I wonder if he’ll take over the shop now? You could run it together, the dream team!’

‘I don’t plan on staying there forever,’ I lied. I hadn’t planned on doing anything else because it suited me just fine, but Una’s assumptions had annoyed me.

‘So does that mean you’re going to branch out and try something new?’

‘It means I’ll have one of those.’ I nodded to her shot of vodka.

‘You don’t drink vodka.’

‘I’m branching out and trying something new,’ I said sarcastically, and then ordered my own. Ian handed me the change in a napkin like he always did but before I had time to think about it Una placed her hand over mine.

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