Page 132 of To Hell With It

‘What do you mean then?’

‘I mean maybe you could give him a blow job, and then he’d see you instead of Maggie Ryan?’

‘You’re sick in the head.’

‘I’m just saying. It might help, that’s all.’

‘Why didn’t you give him one then if you want to help so much?’

‘I probably would have done if he’d not gone all weird on me.’

‘Really?’

‘Probably.’ Una shrugged.

And I felt jealous then, but I didn’t tell Una that.

‘Right, well fill your boots,’ I said but I didn’t mean it. I didn’t want Una filling anything with Niall.

‘Maybe you need to fill yours.’ She laughed.

‘Maybe,’ I said back.

ChapterSixty-Four

It was Thursday and I’d told my mum she didn’t need to come around because I was fine. By fine I meant I didn’t need her to check up on me because there was nothing to check up on. To be honest, I was still trying to work out if I should tell her about Maggie Ryan and Mr O’Callaghan or not.

Since Maggie Ryan was her best friend and she’d already broken up with her husband, I wasn’t really sure what telling her would gain? I’d never told my mum about my penis thoughts, so what good would it have done? Apart from probably ruin a perfectly good friendship.

Anyway, maybe Maggie had been madly in love with Mr O’Callaghan? Maybe he had been her Fionn and she’d been his fair maiden? And if that was true, I didn’t want to make life even harder for Maggie than it probably already was. Besides, I had my own issues to work on. I didn’t need Maggie bloody Ryan’s as well.

I had been home for nearly a week when Mrs O’Callaghan phoned to ask if I could come into the shop because they were short-staffed, but I didn’t mind because it was raining and I had nothing else to do.

I’d rearranged the window (Mrs O’Callaghan had been stocking more homemade stuff since Mr O’Callaghan had died). Ellie had started making her own soap using wildflowers from the village, so I’d put a pile of it on some straw just to make it look more rustic. She’d also supplied some chutney, so I put a few jars next to Sally’s eggs on the other side, which again were laid out (no pun intended) on some straw for extra effect.

The rain battered on the window like an angry person trying to get in and I was glad to be inside. It was so loud I almost didn’t hear the shop bell ring when Niall walked in.

It was the first time I’d seen him since I’d come face to face with his penis.

‘Hello, Niall,’ I said as casually as I could.

‘Hello, Pearl,’ he said back.

‘How’s your penis?’‘How’s it all going?’

‘OK thanks. You?’

‘Good.’

‘Good, good.’

I didn’t know what to say then. My eyes kept shifting to his crotch and he must have noticed because how could he not? And then I remembered Mairéad’s offer, which saved the day really, because it broke the ice at just the right time.

‘Niall?’

‘Hmm?’ he said from behind the till but he kept his eyes from me.

‘I’ve been seeing someone.’

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