Page 52 of Seven Rules for a Perfect Marriage

‘Ours isn’t perfect by anyone else’s metrics,’ Jack adds, slipping his arm around my shoulders. ‘But it’s perfect for us.’

‘So is it a bit misleading to suggest that if a couple just follows Seven Rules, they’ll be happy?’ she goes on. Suze straightens in her seat. We’re not famous enough that she can provide a list of questions that we are and are not willing to answer, but she’s not above giving a journalist a dirty look or, if she’s feeling really pissed off, asking, ‘Is that relevant?’

‘People seem to find that our method really helps,’ Jack answers before I get a chance to. He’s doing an incredible job handling this. I shouldn’t be surprised. He spent years asking people difficult questions for work, and he’s learned from politicians, celebrities and world leaders how to answer cleverly. Weirdly, I wish his parents could see him like this, how sharp and brilliant their least praised youngest son is. ‘We hear from hundreds of couples a month who’ve been struggling long-term, and who’ve found that buying the book and working through the rules has been a lifeline for them. I don’t think anyone buys it thinking it can fix every problem they’ve got, but the fact that they’re trying at all is half the battle, right?’

‘The book’s only been out for a week and you’ve heard from hundreds of couples?’

Jack smiles. I think he might actually be enjoying this. ‘We’ve been developing our method on social media, and have offered free online activities and worksheets for almost two years now.’

Kayla looks mollified by this and moves on to questions about how we grew our social media account, whether we worry about influencers being a short-term trend, and how we see ourselves progressing going forward. Her eyes glaze over a bit when I’m talking about my degree, and I can hardly blame her, I’d find it boring if I wasn’t me.

‘Have we got everything?’ Suze jumps in, which is the universal PR language for ‘your time is up’.

‘I think so.’ Kayla nods. ‘So I’m going to have a quick chat with the couples who’ve been on the retreat, get some background, and then that’s it.’

‘Perfect.’ Suze gives her approval.

‘Oh, last question,’ Kayla adds, once Jack and I are on our feet. ‘Some of the forums online have a lot of speculation about your not having kids, some people saying there’s trouble in paradise. Any truth to those rumours?’

I freeze.

Jack looks appalled. ‘Sorry? Are you asking if our marriage is on the rocks?’

Kayla holds his gaze. ‘You used to be a journalist, right? You know I’d be mad not to ask.’

Jack gives her a wide, sweet smile. ‘Of course. But no, there’s no truth to the anonymous comments made in an online forum which deliberately facilitates conspiracy theories and fantasies. And I think it’s a bit problematic to conflate not having children with being unhappilymarried, don’t you? I think you’d risk alienating a lot of readers there.’

And with that, we leave the room. I take his hand and squeeze it tightly. ‘That was incredible,’ I say. ‘You were brilliant.’

‘I was not.’

‘You were!’

In the hallway, I step closer to him and wind my arms around him. ‘Thank you,’ I whisper.

‘You don’t need to thank me,’ he replies.

Back in the makeshift photography studio, we find Sue and Ken posing for the camera, laughing their heads off as they do James Bond poses. Grant and Stuart are holding hands. Chloe is sitting, leaning into Ben. Verity and Noah are on the same sofa. We’ve done well, I realise. We really have done well.

Like the circus coming to town and then leaving, the make-up artists and photographer and assistants tidy their things away, and they and Kayla disappear into their cars as quickly as they arrived. The house is eerily silent in their wake. And then it’s finally time for goodbyes.

Will and Cait, who seem to appear from nowhere and who, I’ve just realised, seem to move in complete silence, bring us all into the library. Everyone settles down for the last time, and we ask everyone to tell us what leaving the party together means to us. I find myself, yet again this weekend, with a tear running down my cheek when Ken and Sue kiss after telling us that they can’t wait to start having adventures together again.

‘I’ll tell you a secret,’ I say, when it comes to my turn. ‘Jack and I weren’t supposed to join in this weekend. Theidea originally was that we’d just be around, helping out. But I’m so glad that we did. I feel like we really needed to recommit to each other and refocus on what really matters. So, for me, leaving the party together means that we’re going home more together than we were when we got here. More unified. More connected.’ I look over to catch Jack’s eye, expecting us to share a conspiratorial smile. But he’s looking out of the window.

‘Right,’ says Suze. ‘We’ve only got the house until five so we’d better start moving.’

I thank Will and Cait for their incredible work behind the scenes all weekend. ‘It’s been amazing,’ says Cait, her face still completely impassive. ‘I found the parts I observed really moving.’

‘So did I,’ adds Will, again totally monotone. I have no idea what I’m supposed to say to this because it seems staggeringly unlikely that they were even listening, so I give them a weird bow/curtsey.

Then there’s lots of hugging and swapping of phone numbers and more hugs. Suitcases dragged downstairs, people remembering that they’ve left their phone chargers plugged in, and finally, they get into their cars. Jack and I stand in the doorway of the beautiful glass house, waving as each of the cars slips away into the afternoon. It’s a little warmer out here than I’d expected it to be. Like spring is coming.

‘Well done, both,’ Suze says. ‘Brilliant work. Honestly. You should be very proud of yourselves. And joining in with the activities was a master stroke,’ she continues. ‘I’d have said no if you’d pitched it – risk management and all that. But clearly, it’s gone down a storm. Well done.’

‘How did the interviews go, with the couples?’ I ask, because that’s the stamp of approval we really need. ‘Did they seem like they’d had a good time?’

‘Perfect. Lots of nice colour, they said some great things about you and the method, and it all felt pretty genuine.’

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