Page 1 of Seven Rules for a Perfect Marriage

The Launch Party

Jessica

Before I was a little bit famous, I used to find private dining rooms fascinating. On the rare occasion I’d end up at a restaurant fancy enough to have one, I’d spend the evening straining my neck, trying to work out who’s inside and why they’re special. Only it turns out, now that I spend quite a lot of time in them, dining rooms are usually a disappointment. Cold, boring even. Sometimes I’ve found myself in one for a work event and I spend the evening feeling left out, missing the hustle and bustle of the restaurant. But tonight is different. This is where the party is. The room is filled with thirty of our favourite influencers; it is loud and warm and wonderful. Each time the door opens, as the waiters bring in another bottle of wine, I can see people out there trying to look inside, trying to work out who we are and what we’re doing. For the first time in my entire life – and even though my imposter syndrome is never gone for long – I feel like I’ve made it.

Anyone who catches a glimpse will see the carefully decorated table, laden with fat white pillar candles and out-of-season flowers. And they’ll see me, hair blow-dried, make-up professionally applied, wearing two sets ofshapewear under the dress lent to me by some designer I can’t pronounce, sitting next to my handsome dark-haired husband who has rolled up the sleeves on his shirt and slung his perfectly tailored (also borrowed) jacket over the back of his chair.

I’m trying very hard to drink in every detail of it, to stay completely present, because I don’t know if I’ll ever get to feel like this much of a big deal again. As I scan the room, Clay stands up, tanned and beaming. In fairness to him, even if he had been lying on a sunbed somewhere for the last couple of weeks, you’d never have known it. He’s an absolute shark of a manager, replies to every single one of my emails within seconds. And in the run up to this, there have been alotof emails. Clay clinks a knife against his glass and the table falls silent.

‘I’ve known Jessica and Jack for a while now.’ He smiles, looking at us. ‘And I have to say, being around them is absolutely –’ he pauses for dramatic effect – ‘sickening.’

Everyone laughs.

‘Seriously,’ he says, after he’s waited for the laughter to subside. ‘When you’re in the same room as them, you feel it. There’s an energy, a sort of force field. I’ve never known two people who are so much in love, let alone after so long together. In fact –’ he pauses again, clearly very much enjoying the spotlight – ‘they’re perfect. But unlike most perfect couples, these two have something very special and very unusual. They are willing to tell the rest of us how we can make our own relationships just as successful as theirs.’ He picks up a book. It’s the same book that’s dotted all over the room. A pale purple hardback with embossed blue letters. He holds it up triumphantly.

‘Fifty thousand pre-orders,’ he announces. ‘Due to be published in fifteen countries. Film companies are making offers as we speak. And all because Jack and Jessica have found the secret to a perfect marriage. Or rather, the Seven Rules which make a perfect marriage.’ Applause breaks out and Clay waits for it to subside before he goes on. ‘Even I might be able to make a relationship last longer than two weeks with their help. Anyway, we brought you all here tonight to celebrate, so I will just say, I’ve never been so proud to represent anyone.’ He raises his glass. ‘To Jessica and Jack.’

Everyone else choruses, ‘To Jessica and Jack.’ There’s a little pause as Suze, who works for our agency, gets up and wrestles with an enormous gift-wrapped box. Jack and I look at each other in surprise. We rip the paper off like excited children and reveal a beautiful framed print.

Seven Rules for a Perfect Marriage

1.Ignore the old advice, and go to bed on an argument – staying up fighting never helps.

2.You are your partner’s greatest cheerleader, act like it.

3.100% honesty, 100% of the time.

4.Sex and intimacy have to be a priority, even when life gets in the way.

5.Self-care isn’t selfish; make time to make yourself the best possible person.

6.Your parents are your family and your responsibility.

7.Always leave the party together.

‘Something to hang over the marital bed,’ Clay jokes. We both laugh and I lean over the mess of wrapping paper to kiss Jack while someone snaps a photo of us.

‘Thank you,’ I say, beaming. Someone calls ‘Speech’, and while I wasn’t really intending to say anything, they’ve all made such a fuss of us, this is so much more than we deserve, I feel like I sort of have to. So I get to my feet, a little unsteady on the shoes that the stylist convinced me to wear.

‘Thank you, Clay,’ I say, giving him a grateful look. ‘You’ve been the most fantastic manager imaginable. You’ve changed our lives. Jack and I are so, so grateful. And while I would hesitate to describe our marriage as perfect ... I know we both agree that our relationship is the most important thing in our lives. And we really hope that by sharing what works for us, we might be able to help other people. Putting those rules together took years, and lots of mistakes. I just hope we might be able to help some other people get there quicker than we did!’

Everyone claps and takes pictures as I raise my glass.

‘Was that okay?’ I murmur into Jack’s ear as I sit back down.

Jack slips his hand in mine. ‘Perfect.’

Rule One

Ignore the old advice, and go to bed on an argument – staying up fighting never helps

Jessica

My cheeks are aching as I say goodbye to the last of our guests. Clay takes yet another picture of me hugging a woman whose posts I comment on every week but who I had never actually met until tonight. Eventually, everyone is gone. I ease the shoes off my feet and drink in the aftermath of our party. The table is strewn with glasses and bottles, the tablecloth ringed with red wine stains, and the room is softly quiet.

‘I think we can call that a resounding success.’ Clay smiles.

‘Do you think so?’ I ask. ‘I really hope everyone enjoyed it – did you hear that one of the girls was saying she posted this afternoon and she’d had more people clicking through to the book than any of the cleaning products she’s shared?’

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