Page 100 of Ryder

“I love that you’re here,” he says, kissing my hand once more.

I glance sideways. “I’ll always be wherever you need me,” I whisper. “Never forget it.”

He smiles, the gentle creases around his eyes make me want to drag his ass back to the Airbnb and make him forget about this shitty day, but there’s plenty of time for that later.

“I know. That’s why I love you.”

I smile at his words. “I love you, too.”

We head in, albeit both a little tentative about this whole scenario. I didn’t have much to do with Stu growing up, but everyone in Greenlark knew he was trouble. Looking back, I wonder if we just didn’t see the signs. I know back then I didn’t really think twice about what he could be going through. I mean, I didn’t know Ryder was being hurt. Now that I think about it, it makes my skin crawl that those boys had to put up with what they did, and still Ryder’s mom did nothing. I tamper down my feelings, remembering this isn’t about me. If Ryder needs closure, or to talk — or whateverthisis — then so be it. I may not always agree with him or his choices, or know why, but that’s his right.

The church looks nicer than I remember, no doubt thanks to Stu’s pioneering efforts at restoring the building with his fundraising. I’m blown away.

Everyone has embraced Stu and his commitment to the community. I like hearing about how people turned their life around and became a better person, I just never expected that Stu would be one of those people. Good for him if he truly is telling the truth.

It’s quiet when we step inside. The old church looks new with its freshly painted cream walls. The pews gleam, the cherrywood has either been fully restored, or sanded and varnished within an inch of its life. The church has the usual ethereal feeling, and being that it’s a weekday afternoon, nobody’s around. The lull of quiet hangs over us; the only sounds are the odd creek here and there where we walk on the floorboards.

“Feel like you’re going to burst into flames?” I joke, wanting to lighten the mood. It’s been a while since I’ve stepped inside a church. We weren’t overly religious when we were growing up, but we did go to Sunday mass over the holidays and Easter.

Ryder glances at me sideways. “Might need that holy water after all.”

I smirk, a rebuttal on my lips when we hear, “Ryder, Crystal?”

We both turn to the left and in the open doorway at the front of the room stands Stu. He’s wearing jeans and a nice sweater. The first thing I notice is how much he’s changed from when I saw him last. He’s still tall, lanky, with a mop of blonde hair and blue eyes, but he seems to have lost the scowl he wore so well. I’ll also admit he’s good looking; the years have done him more justice than I thought possible.

“Hey,” Ryder says awkwardly, inadvertently squeezing my hand.

I can see how nervous Stu is; he looks a little pale as he wipes his hands on the front of his shirt, and he opens his mouth, but no sound comes out.

“How have you been?” I add, trying to fill the awkward silence.

He walks toward us, and we meet halfway, stepping out from the pews.

“Good, thank you.” He eyes both of us. “Thank you for coming. I’m sorry… about your mom, Ryder. If there’s anything I can do...”

“We don’t have to pretend she was a good person,” Ryder says. “So let’s just not do that. She wasn’t and I’m okay with it.”

He swallows hard, then nods. “So, how does it feel being back to Greenlark?” A small smile plays on his lips as I study him. He’s definitely not the same guy. All the arrogance in his features, the anger and annoyance so obvious in his tone as a teenager, have all gone. In place is a respectable looking, almost shy man who shoves his hands in his pockets and looks like he wants to run away. This isn’t the Stu I remember.

“About as good as it was leavin’,” Ryder says, a smile on his lips. “You did okay, though. Crystal has been readin’ up on you all afternoon.”

I shoot Ryder a ‘thanks very much’ glare, but he ignores me.

Stu runs a hand through his hair. “Well, I went to jail before I turned my life around, almost killed someone and then I saw the light, so to speak.”

“No shit?” Ryder says in a surprised tone.

“Come through to my office if you’d like,” he suggests. “It’s a little less… intimidating than standing here.”

I smile wistfully as Stu leads the way out of the church and down a small corridor to his office. This must have been a renovation because I don’t remember the parish being this big when I was a kid. There are several rooms that jut off the hallway, and we bypass a small kitchen.

“When I got out of jail, I knew I could go one way or the other,” Stu carries on. “And I didn’t wanna end up like my old man. I’d had the wake up call I needed pretty swiftly during my time there. I realized that the only person who could change my situation was me. It was as if someone turned a lightbulb on inmy head. Once I got over the hurdle of my own head telling me I couldn’t, I just went for it.”

We stare at him for a few wordless seconds. Me, the skeptic, the woman who can smell horse shit from a mile away, believes him. Once we get to his office, he motions for us to go in first. “Please.”

“It’s really great that you turned things around,” I tell Stu, glancing at Ryder. I can see the conflict on his face and the worry in his eyes. He doesn’t want to be duped, I get that, but Stu has no reason to lie. And I read most of his achievements online all afternoon. “Honestly, nothing has surprised me more, in a good way.”

He gestures to the chairs in front of his desk as he sits behind it. “I appreciate that. It wasn’t easy, I’m not gonna lie. I hit a lot of roadblocks along the way, but the real transformation was in finding who I really was under all that anger and rage.”

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