Page 23 of Like First Love, Again

Mia couldn’t bring herself to say that she and Tori hadn’t just grown apart, Tori had dumped her without a word. Her pause was too long. Daniela put her cup on the coffee table and leaned forward.

“What aren’t you telling me?” Daniela searched her face before tipping her head to the side. When a guess materialized, she looked ready to discount it. “Don’t tell me you didn’t know.”

Mortification leaked from Mia in a long sigh. “I found out at your house. Freaking Ashley Mora?—”

“She hooked up with Ashley?” Daniela shrieked.

“No!” Mia’s skin caught fire. “They had friends in common,” she added, instead of saying that they’d dated the same woman.

Leaning back, Daniela was quiet. Her silence made Mia desperate to know what was going on in her head. If she could choose a superpower right then, it would have been mind-reading. She was sick of not knowing what was going on.

“What?” Mia pressed.

“Nothing,” Daniela lied. Badly.

“Dani. What?”

“I’m not one to go spelunking in people’s business, Mia.”

Mia blew past her disclaimer. “What people? What business? Can you talk in full sentences, please?”

Daniela cringed like she was embarrassed. “I mean we all just assumed you two were…you know.”

Heart pounding so hard it was beating in her eyes and obscuring her vision, Mia’s mouth lost every ounce of moisture.“You knowwhat?” She needed to hear it. Needed it said out loud. Needed everything out of vague shadows and assumptions.

“It’s not a big deal,” Daniela said with a wave like she was clearing a smell. “It’s in the past, and we shouldn’t have been speculating?—”

Mia’s throat was so tight, it was hard to breathe. “D?—”

“Oh Lord, Mia. We thought you two were on the DL in high school, okay?”

“On the what?” Blood rushed in Mia’s ears, making her voice alien and strained.

Daniela’s neck flushed hard. “On the down-low. Hooking up,” she clarified.

“Who thought that?” Mia pressed her clammy palms to her thighs.

Daniela laughed. “Literally everyone. I mean, nobody cared. It’s not like y’all tried that hard to hide it.” She stopped laughing and looked at Mia for several beats. Her expression softened. “You really weren’t?”

Mia shook her head, her feelings a tangle in her chest. “What made you think we were together?”

Daniela reached for her coffee again, and Mia peeled her racing heart off the roof of her mouth. “I don’t know,” she said with a dramatic sigh. “Maybe because you guys were constantly together…constantly sleeping at each other’s house… I don’t know that I ever saw either of you get to school or leave without the other. You were always going off to be alone… And I mean, you were always touching her, Mia.” She chuckled.

“Well, yeah, we were best friends,” Mia replied with what sounded perfectly reasonable. “You and Emmanuel were like that. You went to Port-au-Prince with her family every summer,” she countered.

Daniela tipped her head to the side like she took pity on Mia’s sweet soul. “Yeah, babe, but I wasn’t always bailing onmy boyfriend to go sneak off to a tree with Emmanuel.” Her response was a lethal finishing move.

“It wasn’t a tree,” she replied weakly because she had nothing else. “It was a roof.”

When Daniela was gone, Mia collapsed on the couch. Her heart wouldn’t slow down. Wouldn’t let her catch her breath. She closed her eyes and tried to reset her nervous system, but memories broke through like sword-wielding raiders.

Was it weird that she always gravitated toward Tori in a crowd? How she’d scan every room until she found her? The way her entire body relaxed the moment Tori appeared, like a switch being flipped. Like coming home. Why was that so odd? She loved her. Friends loved each other.

Their sleepovers floated to the front of her mind. Everyone had sleepovers in high school. They weren’t any different.

As soon as she thought it, Mia acknowledged that she’d never slept better than when she was with Tori. When she was wrapped around her, palm pressed against the warm skin of Tori’s stomach. The steady rise and fall of her chest more soothing than any meditation app on her phone. The scent of her skin had been better than any sleeping pill.

Even now, all these years later, Mia remembered how it felt to trace abstract patterns on Tori’s skin while they talked about nothing and everything. To feel Tori’s muscles jump under her fingers when she laughed.

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