Page 56 of In the Light of Sin

I was half in awe of him noticing, half embarrassed that he was telling the truth. I don’t think he’d noticed the changes in my body since he hadn’t said anything about it. But I was feeling the physical and mental effects of it. “Yeah, mine don’t fit right anymore.”

My shirts grew a little tight around the chest and waist while my pants began to dig into the skin of my stomach, making them uncomfortable to wear. I couldn’t exactly afford a new wardrobe, so I went for the next best alternative: Sarge’s clothes.

He froze. “You’re pregnant?”

I vehemently shook my head. “No. But birth control can make you gain weight.” He didn’t respond, making me slightly worried he was going to be disgusted by me. All my life, I’d never worried about my weight, but now I was gaining and had no idea how to stop it. “Does… does that bother you?”

“Ask me again, and I’ll tan that ass of yours.” His words were sharp, making me whip my head to him. He walked over to me, upper half hunching over to get closer to me to make sure I heard his message to the depths of my soul. “I’ll worship every curve you gain, Joslyn.”

Heat pooled between my legs, and my teeth sank into my cheek as I tried to calm my scalding thoughts. He worshiped me already. The memories of how he got off last night at my parent’s house using nothing but friction made me crave something more.

“You worship me plenty.” I tried to sound seductive, sauntering towards him. We were in his room at the MC, his arms resting at his sides, legs stretching the fabric of his jeans, which were always tight fitting on his thick legs. My eyes dipped to his hips, noticing his bulge increasing in size. When I got close enough, my hand palmed him, feeling it increasingly harden beneath my touch. “How about I worship you?”

His only response was to widen his legs to accommodate me.

I pushed the blanket off of me, walking around the edge of the bed. He took a step back, giving me space to kneel in front of him. I was about to fall to my knees when my phone vibrated in my pocket. I fished it out to silence it when I saw who it was from.

Jordyn: Come to the mall with me?

I was shocked, unable to look away from my phone. She was the last person I expected to hear from. She never talks to me unless she needs a verbal punching bag. “Jordyn texted me.”

“The fuck she want?” Sarge’s stance went rigid, showing his displeasure with her contacting me. Not that he had any reason to be. He only knew Jordyn as a fuck up. He didn’t see her before her downfall.

“She wants me to go to the mall with her.” There was a flutter in my chest at her texting me and wanting to do something. She hasn’t done that since before our parents died.

“No.”

I snapped my head up at him. “No?”

“Exactly that. No.”

He thought he could talk to me in that commanding voice, and I would become an obedient puddle on my knees. He had another thing coming. “You can’t tell me what I can and can’t do.”

He stepped forward, the tip of his combat boots grazing the tips of my toes. If he wasn’t over a foot taller than me, we would’ve been chest to chest–and maybe I would’ve been more intimidated than I was right now. But I couldn’t focus on anything other than him telling me no to something I’d been praying for for years. How sad was that? The fact that my sister texted me and asked me to go to the mall brought me so much joy.

“Not a damn coincidence that she’s texting you after we went to your parents’ house.”

I couldn’t deny that, but I also couldn’t deny the thrill I felt at Jordyn wanting to go to the mall together. “I want to go, though.”

“Why do you keep crawlin’ back to her?” He didn’t understand the vice grip guilt had on my heart every time I saw her. “This is a fuckin’ trap.”

“Even if it is,” I don’t know if he had any siblings, but if he did, he’d understand my side of this. I was hoping the weight of guilt he kept from his sin would be enough for him to empathize with my point of view. To feel wanted by the only family you had left? What I wouldn’t give to re-establish that connection. Trap or not, I was going off my unanswered prayer and greatest impulse. “My sister is more important.”

“Than what?” He cocked his head. I could only imagine how his face looked when he was this furious. Smoke was practically coming from the darkness as he bellowed his words, rage engulfing me like a fire. “Her friends want you dead, Joslyn.Shewants you dead.”

“I know,” my retort was weak. I didn’t have a response worthy of sympathy for the predicament I was putting myself in. I knew Jordyn’s track record of being kind to me was non-existent, but I couldn’t help but hope that maybe… just maybe this time would be different. “But it’d be suspicious if I didn’t go. Especially after going back to our parents. Maybe—”

“You’re makin’ it hard to protect you.” His words were as sharp as a whip. “Makin’ all these damn excuses, only thinkin’ of other’s feelings than your own safety.”

I looked down shamefully at my feet, my pale pink painted toenails clashing with the polar black color of his combat boots. Something so simple yet understanding washed over me that we were so different. He couldn’t possibly understand. “You don’t know what it’s like to ruin someone else’s life.”

“I know more than you think,” It was barely a whisper but I still heard it. I snapped my head up to him as he stepped back, putting distance between us. “So that’s it,” his tone dropped dangerously. Sarge’s voice has always been akin to despair, but now it was gravely like it was finally at the depths. “You’re goin’ just like that. After everything she’s done to you?”

My silence was enough of a response for him.

And my silence was his undoing. His growl was akin to thunder with his barely contained rage. He turned on his heel, my shoulders drawing in as he opened up the door, the knob putting a hole in the plaster of the white-colored wall. His shoulder straightened when he inhaled, body tight as his head twisted to the side. “When she fucks you over, don’t call me cryin’. She doesn’t give a fuck about you. This little shopping spree she wants to have with you ain’t going to change that.”

He was speaking the truth, but my hope for Jordyn outweighed it. “I have to try.”

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