Page 1 of In the Light of Sin

Prologue: Sarge

“They’re dead.”

I was conscious, yet I had no control over my body. The crumpled sheets of the hospital bed on my bandaged skin were uncomfortable. My eyelids refused to open, only letting the darkness seep into every crevice of my body. Nothing worked. Nothing physically hurt.

There was nothing except the devastation left behind that plagued my very being.

“They’re still picking up what’s left of them. There’s not much, though.”

I wish I had control of my arms to ram my fist into whoever is talking. I didn’t want to hear it anymore. I couldn’t stand the new truth they were telling me.

It should have been me. It’s all my fault.

Just let me die in fucking peace.

“You’re not going to die, Darin. That’d be too easy.”The presence shifted closer to me, my body refusing to move away from the guilt even though I pleaded with the almighty to put me out of my misery. Didn’t he know I prayed the entire time I tried to save them? He clearly didn’t give a damn about us. Now, here I was.

Alone. Broken. A shell of a man I barely was before.

A man God himself gave up on, and scars to remind me that he did.

I felt the heat of the person by my side as they got closer to me, hammering the nail into the new foundation that my life was built upon.“You’re going to live with their deaths every day. Every time you look at your mangled hand, every time you see your worthless fucking face in the mirror, I hope you see them. I hope you see their wives and their children. Children who are going to grow up fatherless and widows who have no other options.”

Please. Just go away…

“You were supposed to lead them.”The voice trailed off, my consciousness waning into the nightmares to come from their parting words. The echoes of their footsteps are something I won’t forget.“All you did was lead them to their deaths.”

I thought of them. The pictures they showed, the stories they shared. Unknown but hopeful futures. It was all we had any time we went on a mission.

Hope was all we had. We had to look forward to a future we weren’t certain of.

And now, because of me, the hope they had died along with them.

Why couldn’t they have taken me with them?

Chapter 1: Joslyn

I couldn’t hear. I could only feel the vibrations of the loud bass as it bounced around the room, as the tremors left ripples on the walls. Even deaf, I could tell this party was loud.

It was loud enough that it could drown out the cries for help, which was likely their intention.

The smell of alcohol and sex made my nose scrunch. Unease prickled at my skin from all the stares, the other patrons at the party wishing I wasn’t here or worse. I could tell by their not-so-subtle glances that I didn’t belong, which I didn’t. I didn’t then, and didn’t now, and have no desire either.

My eyes sought out my sister, who was currently cheering for someone chugging something through a funnel. She’s ignored me from the moment we stepped in here, not that I expected anything less. She didn’t want me here—I certainly didn’t want to be here. I was only here to save her… if I didn’t agree to this, there was no telling what the Souls would’ve done to her.

I could only think that they already had an unmarked grave for her waiting—stillwaiting. They don’t trust her. I don’t blame them. But I refuse to give up on her.

“She won’t stop abusing you until you quit enabling her, Joslyn.”

Darrell’s words bounced around in my head, an action easier said than done. The guilt eating at me fueled my consciousness, telling me I had to help her because of what I did.

I sighed, accepting my fate. This was just penance for my past discretions. My eyes traveled to an inebriated woman, her dirty hair swinging back and forth as she downed the rest of whatever was in her red solo cup. My mouth watered at the sight, knowingly. I quickly averted my eyes and tried to swallow the dry, cottony taste from my mouth. I’m starting to panic. I can feel it. I’m sweating and starting to breathe too fast. I need to stay focused.

I’ve mastered hiding my urges around Nyla and Oakley during our girls’ nights. I am able to lock away a part of me that has consumed my every thought during the dark times after my parents died and brought the Bloods into our lives. My stupidity keeps them here, and Jordyn makes sure they remain a constant of a past I wish more than anything I could take back.

If only I had just accepted what happened to me instead of drowning it out, maybe Jordyn and I would still be close. She protected me from everything instead of doing everything in her power to ensure I suffered.

I disliked crowds, but crowds full of drunken men were at the top of my‘I hate this’list. Feeling unnerved at all of the bloodshot eyes starting to focus on me from standing in one place too long, I decided to move. Just like everything else that was supposed to be simple, moving through the crowd wasn’t as easy as I’d hoped. Each body I passed stood stock still. Even when I tried politely tapping them in hopes they moved, they just smirked at me and stood more in my way, making it extremely uncomfortable having to shimmy through. I didn’t want to touch these people. Their bodies are slick with who knows what, and they have awful body odor. The mingling smells of malt, sex, and sweat make my already anxious stomach roll.

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