Page 15 of In the Light of Sin

People may have died too early when they cared about me, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t the one who did the killing.

Chapter 4: Sarge

I pushed open the door to Poppy Oaks, where I told myself I wouldn’t ever be caught dead. Bright-colored things of all shapes, sizes, and smells clashed with the permanent black cloud that constantly rained down on me. If I stayed in here too long, I’d end up drowning all these flowers the girls were so carefully trying to grow. I don’t exude any sort of glowing rays of light. On the other hand, Joslyn radiates warmth and light straight into everyone and everything she comes in contact with.

Everyone except me. I wouldn’t fucking allow it. I’d extinguish her light before I ever allowed it to affect me.

I stepped further into the shop, ignoring my negative and nagging thoughts. Deep down, I’m wondering if it’s too late to stop her incessant light from trying to infiltrate my cold exterior. She was living up to that nickname I’d given her. She is always such a ray of fucking sunshine. Whether I welcome her in or not, she’s always there.

I wasn’t going to change for anybody., especially not for her.

Turning in a slow circle, I finally made a beeline to a vacant area on the wall I could lean against. The overwhelming floral scents were hitting me like a freight train. Crossing my arms over my chest, I took several deep breaths through my mouth, trying to chill the fuck out. I didn’t belong in a place like this, and neither did Grim, who was currently grinning like a damn fool at his fiancé, Nyla. She was fixated on wrapping up a large bouquet of red roses in a frilly white tissue paper situation.

Joslyn smiled at them when she heard the bell go off at the front door. Her emerald green eyes lit up instantly as she turned in my direction. Her rose-colored lips spread into a smile rivaling the sun’s intensity. “Sarge!” The excitement in her voice immediately pissed me off. My dark clouds were warming at her proximity, but I willed them to hold strong and steady. I have got to figure out a way to keep a thicker shade between us. She is downright blinding, and I cannot handle her enthusiasm. “I heard a bike coming down the street, and I was hoping it was you.”

I halted my steps as Grim shot a look at me and then over to her. “That’s why you came from the back? You heard it from that far away?”

She looked sheepish. “Yeah. With my hearing aids, I can hear things better than normal hearing.” She turned to me, still beaming. “Every time I hear a motorcycle, I always hope it’s you.”

My now racing thoughts trumped Nyla’s adoring coos at her comment. If she can hear bikes better than anyone and is excited to come running outside, thinking it’s me, that’s trouble. Picturing her bounding out to a bike that wasn’t mine unknowingly—No. She was way too trusting for that shit.

She shouldn’t be greeting anyone other than me. What if it was a trap, and she stupidly went outside thinking it was me? That idiotic heart of hers was going to get her killed.

An image of Joslyn on the ground, surrounded by her own blood, made my blood still and my mind blank. That couldn’t happen… I’d never allow it to happen.

But she had no sense of self-preservation. She put everyone’s feelings before her own. A natural-born people-pleaser with a heart of gold.

There’s a reason why true crime documentaries describe the victims as ones whose smiles lit up a room. They drew the most involuntary attention to themselves. People-pleasers don’t realize the danger until it’s too late, making them the prime targets for psychopaths.

What better addiction than replacing someone’s joy with fear that you instilled.

She needed someone to take care of her and balance the lack of fear she had for herself. She would give her last dime to somebody even if it meant she would have nothing.

I knew that for a fact, even witnessed it firsthand.

I didn’t care about her. I just couldn’t have something happening to her, or anyone else, on my conscience, knowing I could’ve prevented it.

Just like I could’ve prevented their deaths.

I couldn’t survive someone dying on my watch again. That’s all there was between Joslyn and I. I made sure the Bloods didn’t get to her, and she stayed the fuck away from me. And when she thought I was opening up to her, I humbled her real fucking quick.

I stepped closer to the group, my eyes locked on Joslyn, but I was still aware of the other sets of eyes lingering on me. Grim was fucking annoying the way he was now. Before Nyla, it was dead stares and fake laughter. Those qualities were still present, but not as often.

Wouldn’t know what love did to people. I’m not sure I ever want to find out. Nothing good comes from being loved by me.

“What are you doing here?” Joslyn asked, helping Nyla wrap roses in the tissue paper.

“Needed to talk to Grim,” I grunted, turning in Grim’s direction. “It’s done.”

His face steeled as he nodded. “Good. But still doesn’t explain why you’re here, could’ve just texted.”

Bastard. Aren’t brothers supposed to have each other’s backs?

“Don’t have to explain myself to you,” I seethed under my breath as I turned to walk back out the front door. The door opened as I was about to step towards it, revealing two women who were laughing… until they saw me.

Their eyes rounded as their bodies both came to screeching stops. I remained rooted in my spot, refusing to feel bad for intimidating them. I watched one shiver as she grabbed her friend’s forearm, pulling her back out the entrance without looking back. I gnashed my teeth together as I heard deep laughter from behind me.

“And Nyla swears I’m the one that scares off the customers.” Grim cackled as he wrapped the ribbon around the bouquet he just finished. “You’re the human equivalent to bug repellent, brother.”

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