Page 90 of In the Light of Sin

Her sigh was shaky as I pulled out, ready to shove myself back inside, when I saw our cum fall on the comforter and cascade down the back of her thigh. Her legs were shaking before she collapsed, her body rising and falling with each heaved breath.

Wanting to touch her more than to fix myself up, I picked her up before pulling the comforter down the bed, placing her on the mattress before getting on the other side… covering both of us with the blankets. We stared at one another, her face flush and eyes bright… until she saw me. Panic set in as her eyes began to dim, and her lips became wobbly. Her eyes shone even though the room was dark. I pulled her tight to my chest, her tears soaking in my clothes. Her heartbeat was thumping against her chest as she choked on sobs, trying to calm herself down. I ran my fingers through her hair, attempting to soothe her, but I knew nothing I did would work.

This was a consequence of a mind-shattering orgasm; your high forced you to feel everything. Including the things you didn’t want to.

“I got you, Sunshine,” I whispered against her head, heart hurting with each sob that escaped her. “It’s me. It’ll always be me.”

I held her until her breathing slowed, falling asleep in my arms where she should’ve been this entire fucking time. I made promises to myself, and I was nothing if not a man of my word.

He took her innocence. I’d show him what God he should truly fear.

He made her cry. I’d make sure his tears were red.

He made her paint a smile on her face. I’d make sure he never stopped smiling.

He made her lose herself. I’d make sure he lost his worthless fuckin’ life.

I would save Joslyn Monroe.

Even if it cost me myself.

Chapter 22: Joslyn

Sarge was acting off.

It was like he was trying to get away from me all of yesterday. Yeah, we had sex. But even that was quick when he usually took his time caressing every part of me. My heart felt heavy as I thought that Sarge didn’t want anything to do with me after I told him the truth about what had happened. Even the way he held me after sex, he was rigid. He’s never acted like that before.

I had to step away from the floor at work yesterday and have a good few cries. When I came back out with a reddened face, they looked at me concerned, but I just told them what I was struggling with, finally letting Jordyn go… which wasn’t a lie. I hadn’t talked to her since the mall incident. Every time I even thought of it made my stomach churn violently. She knew what Douglas did to me, yet she still slept with him and was willing to rat me out to him.

The inside of my cheek stung as I bit into the muscle, trying to keep my emotions in check and trying to focus on the numbing pain I always felt as the wind whipped past as I rode on the back of Sarge’s bike. I shouldn’t care. Blood family didn’t mean a goddamn thing if the only thing you shared was genetics. So, why was I struggling with it? Was it because the last few years of my life were work, school, and making sure Jordyn didn’t OD in our living room?

If I told Sarge how I felt about Jordyn, what would I say? My own thoughts were ripping my heart out? My thoughts were consumed by the girl who wanted to feel nothing, and how I craved that compared to the internal struggle of a past no one knew besides me, him, and everyone who took advantage? That I didn’t think the man I was giving everything to could handle how messed up I used to be?

My eyes burned. I couldn’t talk to him about it. I didn’t need him to get angry in case I was wrong. But I didn’t feel like I was. It would be just my luck, falling for someone just for them to leave because of how messed up I used to be. They said the past didn’t matter, but everything we’ve done has consequences. Some of the consequences aren’t felt until years later when you’re actually feeling the semblance of happiness for the first time since you crawled out of the dark hole.

They all did.

But every other person wasn’t Sarge. Would I even survive if who I used to be was too much to accept than the person I am now?

I sniffled, burying my face as far into his back as I could, preparing for one of the very last rides with him. My ears stung, the helmet amplifying the pain, but I ignored it like I always did just to be able to hold him like I always wanted to when he let me ride with him. He refused to let me be on the back of his bike without a helmet for my own safety, but I hid how the crushing sound affected me. If I got the surgery, would it still be like this? I’ve been going back and forth with my decision, being exhausted with the options but wanting a better quality of life. I’ve researched and listened to online webinars with the pros and cons. Sarge told me I didn’t have to get this, that my being deaf was something that required fixing. He would be by my side, regardless of my decision.

It’s me. It’ll always be me.

My lips turned up ruefully.

I wish I believed him.

* * *

“Joslyn, Darin. It’s nice to see you again.” Sarge growled when Dr. Regal shook my hand. When he reached for Sarge’s, he just flopped down in his chair. The doctor gave me a look. I couldn’t do anything but give him an embarrassed shrug. Sarge wasn’t a people person. “Anyways… let’s get started, shall we?” I sat, almost twitching in anticipation. This could be the biggest meeting of my life. A life of finally being pain-free with a sense most people took for granted. “Basically, this is a meeting to tell me how you’re feeling about the surgery, any questions, and then scheduling.”

“Will you be the one performing it?”

“Yes.” He shot his eyes over to Sarge knowingly. “And I’ve performed hundreds of these surgeries with great success.”

His right arm shot out, forearm resting on the back of my chair protectively as his mouth spewed menacing words. “If she doesn’t wake up, neither do you.”

“Darin,” I scolded him, Dr. Regal’s skin turning pale. Could he not be himself for an hour? This was important. “Threatening the doctor is not a good idea.”

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