Page 79 of In the Light of Sin

I was okay with waiting wherever as long as I got to see him afterward. My energy was spiked, and I felt like I could run a marathon in anticipation of seeing him. What was taking him so long? I thought he’d be out here by now. My guard was down, not even listening to Tyrant and Knight’s banter. My mood was high, my worries were low.

I took the hood down, wanting to live in the moment of this amazing life I was living. I didn’t think anything could bring me down right now.

“Joslyn?” That voice splintered ice in my bones and made me unable to move. The ice frosted over my brain, only leaving room to focus on him. Invisible hands began to touch me, and I felt held down even though I was standing up by myself. My heart began to constrict, my breathing shallow and fast. “Is that you?”

The shards of ice impaled themselves in my feet. I couldn’t move. Couldn’t speak. Couldn’t think. If I turned around, he’d really be there. Not just a broken fragment of a past I was healing from. I never used to be broken. All my pieces made a beautiful, intact mirror.

He was the hammer that shattered it.

“Little girl.” Disgust made bile rise in my throat. My throat burned, and the back of my eyes showed signs of inklings of tears forming. Why was he here?

Why now?

Why did he have to ruin everything again?

I felt like it’d been years since I’d moved, his unwanted words echoing inside, taking over the crickets chirping in the night. Tyrant and Knight must have noticed my change in demeanor. Was I shaking? It wasn’t cold. Sarge’s hoodie would prevent me from shivering even if I was.

“Joslyn.” My breathing was ragged, looking into Knight’s violet eyes. “You okay, sweetheart?” How do I tell him I was drowning in the air?

He straightened out his body, looking in the direction of a nightmare I thought I’d overcome. “Who the fuck are you?”

Tyrant was already at my back, guarding me from his predatory eyes. There was one thing he wanted… always only one thing he wanted. Jordyn’s words came back in full force. That she fucked him, and he had asked about me…

She knew what he did, and she still gave herself up willingly to him. She gave me up to the man who was the catalyst in my addiction and downfall.

I tried my best to conceal a sob, but it was loud off the trees. Drawing attention from the men close to my side.

“Listen.” Tyrant was rarely serious, but when he was, you better watch yourself. “Dunno who you are, don’t really give a fuck either. You need to go, though. It ain’t gonna be pretty if you stay.”

“I just wanted to say hey to an old friend.”

Old friend. Why did my skin feel so dirty? Did I rub dirt without realizing it?

“Considering you’re old as fuck, and Joslyn looks like she’s half your age, I doubt you’re a friend of hers,” Knight countered, being careful not to touch me but still remaining close to my side, silently letting me know he wouldn’t let anything happen to me. “Her man has a real mean temper, so you don’t wanna fuck with her. And since he’s not here? She’s under our protection, so either tell us who the fuck ya are or get gone.”

I couldn’t help it. I had to get a peek at him. I turned my head slowly, the world going in slow motion as my eyes glanced at him.

His wicked grin. The one I tried to drink away from my memory cockily on his face.

How could he smile? How could he live with himself?

“It was nice to see you again, little girl.” He turned, walking off into the comfort of the trees. He thrived in the darkest corners, his home in me for the past nine years. “Let’s catch up soon, yeah?”

His laughter reached my ears. The bastard had the audacity to laugh as he walked off. My head dropped, my head feeling light as my knees gave out. Knight caught me before I went completely to the ground. “Joslyn?”

I didn’t want him. I pushed back against him, not caring if he was my only anchor from being on the ground. My voice was weak, but my intentions were strong as I looked in every direction while still fighting against Knight. “I need Darin.”

“Darin?” Tyrant said to himself before his lips formed an ‘o’, running off inside the building and leaving me struggling against Knight. It was no use. Knight may not be as large as Sarge was, but he was still twice my size. My pushing wasn’t even on par with a bee sting to him.

My emotions hit me all at once: the grief, the pain, the memories. I needed to numb it. I didn’t want to feel this, and I just wanted it to be over. I wanted the nightmare I covered up with fake smiles and joy to be nulled. Tears slid from my eyes as my chest heaved, hard sobs taking over my body as I began to scream for anyone to hear me.

I was in pain. But no one ever believed me because they couldn’t see it. Why would this time be any different?

No one cared that the pain on the inside was what killed us.

“JOSLYN!” I barely heard his shout over my deafening screams. I was causing myself pain by wailing so loud that my hearing aids picked up on the loud frequency. But I didn’t care. I’d take the bleeding ears over my heart being torn at the seams again. He dropped in front of me, Knight gently lowering me to the ground as Sarge put his adversity to touching anyone aside to put his hand on my cheeks. He was blurry, but that was the damn tears that were building in my vision. He was still hiding from me. Why did he have to hide from me so much? “Fuck, baby, what’s wrong?”

My words were intelligible. How could I talk to him? To tell him everything that was heavy on my heart? If I did, he would run. He wouldn’t even want to touch me.

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