Page 39 of In the Light of Sin

She was the sun, and I was the ever-encroaching moon who would eventually consume her whole, even just for a moment.

Reaching down, I brushed her messy hair off her forehead. Compelled, I leaned down, pressing my lips to the area. My rough lips are a contrast to her smooth skin.

The first thing my lips touched in years had been her sweet cunt when I ate her out the other day. Now, here I was kissing her forehead like a fucking prissy boy. Fucking hated the way Joslyn was making me do things I’d punch any of the other guys for even talking about. I really thought Grim was a pussy until Joslyn started to consume me. I’m terrified that I can understand it now.

But I wanted to keep her safe. She obviously had no qualms in making it hard for anyone other than me to accept the task.

If anyone asked what the sound that escaped me was, I would’ve denied it was a laugh. I flicked off the light, looking at Joslyn. The corner of her lips turned up as she buried her head into the pillow. My heartbeat picked up as I heard a distinct ‘Sarge’ leave her lips huskily.

I had to leave the room before I did anything more to her than I’d planned. If I thought she was encroaching in my mind before, tonight just proved that she’s now a permanent fixture. But I couldn’t help the image on display. I couldn’t help but silently sear this image of her into my brain while she slipped off to sleep. I don’t know what I preferred more—this everlasting moment of her constantly looping in my head or the scarring nightmare that I purposefully lived, which kept me grounded in my lonely reality.

Stepping fully into the hallway, I shut her door quietly. I had to get out of that room, or I’d make my decisions on temptation instead of logic. Walking down the hallway, I looked down at my deformed hand. My pinky and pointer fingers are missing down to the knuckle, the remainder scarred and rough. A plan formed in my mind, but it was one I didn’t think I could follow through with. Not now. My hand clenched as Joslyn’s face appeared in the depths of my mind.

She was smiling. She was blissfully happy.

She should always be smiling.

As her imagination began to dance around further through my daydream, she looked toward me. She beckoned me, reaching out to touch me. I leaned against the hallway wall, shaking the image from my head.

Her smiles can’t be for me. Her heart needs to remain her own. Her life needed to be rid of me. Because one day, I was sure to rip it away from her.

Permanently.

* * *

“Fuck, Joslyn.” Grim was breathing heavily, hands on his knees, when we gathered at the clubhouse the next night. Last night, I’d told the club she was fine and resting. I only updated them to stop Nyla’s incessant calling and worrying. But tonight, I’d brought her with me to the compound to face the music she deserved after her antics. “Scared the fuck out of us.”

I didn’t give Joslyn a chance at a worded response. My fist in Grim’s face. He was used to getting hooked by men of my size, so he stood upright, but that didn’t mean there wasn’t any damage. With narrow eyes and a trail of blood spilling from his bottom lip, he bared his teeth, and I noticed half of his front one was missing.

“You chipped my damn tooth.” His hazel eyes morphed to anger as he looked at me, literally spitting blood on the clubhouse floor. “You know I’m gettin’ married in a week, right?”

“Don’t fuckin’ care.” I didn’t. I trusted him with Joslyn’s safety, and he was unbothered with putting measures in place to keep her safe. “Keeping her safe was your only job. You failed.”

“She’s a grown-ass woman,” he bit out, taking the cloth Nyla held out to him, dabbing the blood running down his chin, and glancing at Joslyn with an aggravated stare. “I shouldn’t have to hold her hand when she damn well knows people are out there tryin’ to kill us.”

“Not so easy to keep someone from climbing out of your window, is it?” Law mocked from his perch in the corner of the room.

Grim whipped around to shoot him a death glare, body vibrating with annoyance. “Don’t you fuckin’ dare, Law. I still owe you an ass beating for that.”

“Not a smart move, Joslyn.” Prez stepped in as he crossed his arms, eyes narrowing at her. “You know there’s people after you, right?”

“There’s always someone going to be after us.” She emphasizes that she wasn’t the only one involved in this mess. “That’s the lifestyle you guys chose to live. You didn’t choose a simple nine to five. This is dangerous for not only you but everyone that gets tangled in your webs. Innocent or not.”

“Speak for yourself, honey.” Tyrant lit up a cigarette, breathing the tobacco in before giving Joslyn a pointed look. “You didn’t exactly choose a good route for yourself either.”

“I didn’t,” she snapped, turning her face to look at Tyrant. She didn’t shy away from her past mistakes. “I fucked up with my past, and it’s affected my future more than planned.”

“Everything we do has a consequence. Whether that’s good or bad is to be determined. And it’s certainly not your judgment to make.”

“Not every negative consequence is bad.” She shook her head at Prez’s words. “One bad decision teaches us more than ten good ones ever will.”

“If you live long enough to learn it,” Prez chastised. He tolerated a lot, but one thing he didn’t was people doing shit like Joslyn did last night. “With the way you throw yourself in unnecessary predicaments, you won’t have the privilege of redeeming your sins.”

I could tell she wanted to say something. It was at the tip of her tongue, but she decided against whatever she was going to say. Instead, she glanced briefly at me. I wasn’t sure anyone caught it. “I’d rather help others make up for their own.”

I knew that was what she was doing. And in doing that, she was only gonna add more to hers. One day, she wouldn’t be able to take it.

It brought me back to her bitch of a sister and what she was willing to do to Joslyn to help out people who ruined other’s lives to get themselves off. I bit the inside of my cheek so hard I tasted the metallic tinge of blood.

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