Page 118 of In the Light of Sin

He didn’t have an answer to that. His one eye fixated on my new markings. “Hate you have to feel this type of pain.”

“I’m not,” I emphasized my words by lifting my burnt arm and touching his scarred cheek. “Because I’m not alone in this pain. And neither are you.”

“Not anymore.”

I leaned in, heart fluttering at his answer when there was a knock at the door. I looked at Sarge confused as his body steeled. “Who the fuck is it?”

The door opened. I didn’t expect anyone else besides Sarge but I was shocked at who I saw.

My sister.

Jordyn began to walk towards us, her shoulders slumped and hands rubbing her biceps nervously. Sarge stood up so fast the chair he was sitting on toppled over. “Get the fuck out of here.”

She looked up at him, yelping obviously not used to seeing his face. She swallowed her fear, trying her best to remain strong in front of him. “Sarge—“

“You don’t speak my name.” He snapped at her, hands shaking with the need to do bodily harm to her but wouldn’t because of Hex’s threats towards him. My sister was a bargaining chip for him doing my surgery and keeping it. “You need to fuckin’ leave.”

“I just want to talk to her.” Her voice was small and desperate. “I wanted to say goodbye.”

My heart sank. Goodbye? “What do you mean you want to say goodbye?”

She leaned over Sarge’s large body, eyes sad as she begged. “Can you please call him off so I can talk to you?”

I reached my hand out, thinking I should reach Sarge from this position on my bed but I overestimated almost losing my balance and falling out of the bed from the pain medication Hex had flowing through me to help with pain. Sarge was by myself in an instant, arms settling me back in the bed. “What the fuck do you think you’re doin’?”

His grumpy words weren’t going to deter me. “Let me talk to her.”

“No.”

“Sarge—”

“Remember the last time I let her talk to you?” I remembered, even though I was desperate to rid myself of the memory of her abandoning me at the mall with the intention of the Bloods picking me up and… I couldn’t think of that right now.

I sighed, putting my hand on his face knowing my touch always soothed him anger… for the most part. “I understand. This time is different, you’ll be right outside the door and I’ll yell for you if anything happens.”

He debated, jaw clenching as he whipped his head over to you. “Hurt her again and it’ll be the last fuckin’ thing you ever do.” He leaned down to me pressing his lips against mine before leaving the room, his glare never leaving Jordyn until the door shut and the room was cut off from him.

I turned my head looking at my sister. Right now I felt so numb, so naive. For years I’ve convinced myself that I deserved Jordyn’s abuse because it was my fault she got involved with the Cardinal Bloods in my place. I don’t know what she went through with them, but I imagined it was similar to my experience. I don’t know what happened to the remaining members, but her being here had to be a truce of some sort. One I wasn’t sure I was willing to have with her.

“Jos.” Her voice cracked trying to keep her tears inside. “I’m so sorry.”

No response from me as I tried to absorb her apology. That’s the one thing about people who show kindness to others. Once you break us… we break all ties with you. Family or not. Before, all I had was Jordyn, Nyla, and Oakley. Now I have the Souls… and Sarge.

“You look good, Jordyn.” She didn’t. Her skin was still a grayish tone. Her hair is thin and greasy much like her body. The eyes we shared were dull and beaten down by the hardships of the past few years.

Her breath hitched, not expecting my compliment. She choked on a sob, shaking her head. “No, I don’t.”

I cut the small talk. “Why are you saying goodbye?”

She let out a shuttered breath, looking away in shame. “I’m going to get help.”

I blinked. That was new, she’d never tried to get help before. “You’re really going to get help?”

“I want to be a better person.” She nodded, the tears she was trying so hard to keep inside spilling from her eyes. “I want to be your sister again.”

I don’t know if we could ever get to that point again. But I needed to say what was in my heart for my own peace, even if it destroyed what little she had left of herself. “You may have hated me, but I promise you no one hates me more than myself. You’ve made me hate myself for so long for choosing sobriety and happiness. I’ve enabled you and let you manipulate every facet of my life because the Bloods’ actions were my fault. Well, it’s not. I am not responsible for the actions of others. Your manipulation of me stops today. Get help or get lost, Jordyn.”

She tucked her chin to her chest, arms crossed as she shakily grabbed her biceps. “I want to prove to you that I want to change. I want to be a person that someone actually wants to see, not just someone they want to avoid.”

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