Page 57 of Pucking Fate

The question pierces through me, and for a moment, I can’t breathe. I want to give him an easy answer, something that will make everything make sense in his little world, but the truth isso tangled up in past hurts and present uncertainties that I don’t know how to put it into words.

I bite my lip, trying to hold myself together. “Christian… cares about me a lot, Finley. I care about him too.”

“But you don’t love each other?” Finley’s voice grows louder, more insistent. “If you loved him, could we go live with him?”

I can feel the frustration building up inside me, bubbling over from my own doubts and fears. I know he doesn’t mean to push, but every question is like a little dagger poking at a wound I’ve been trying to keep closed.

“Finley, I’m sorry that this is so complicated…” My voice wavers slightly. I’m supposed to be strong for him, to be the one who has the answers, but right now, I feel as lost as he is. “But it’s not that simple.”

“Why not?” His voice breaks, and there’s a tremor in it that tells me he’s about to cry. “I want to live with him, not you!”

“That’s not going to happen!” I snap, sharper than I intended, mostly out of sadness, and instantly regret floods through me.

Finley’s eyes widen, and his lower lip quivers as he looks up at me, startled by my tone. Tears well up in his eyes, and before I can say anything else, he bursts into sobs, covering his face with his small hands.

“Oh, sweetie…” I whisper, reaching out to pull him into my arms. I hold him tightly, my heart aching at the sound of his cries. “I’m so sorry, Finley. I wish it was as easy as it sounds to up and move and all of us live together, but it’s not.”

His little body shakes with sobs, and I gently rub his back, trying to soothe him. “I know you’re confused, and I’m so sorry. Please don’t cry.”

“I’m going to…miss him...like I miss…Uncle Preston.”

“I know. I know you will.”

God, seeing him so upset, maybe I should just cave and move us to North Carolina. I want to do just that, I do. But then there will not be any excuses to give Finley if Christian stops coming around, or if I can’t find a job. I’ll be right back where I started, being dependent on my brother thanks to my parents throwing me out and refusing to pay my tuition. At some point, I have to stop letting them, life, hold me back from finding my own happiness.

Besides, during the hockey season, we may as well be living in a different country than the players who constantly stay busy on the road.

I wish there was a simple way for me to decide, to know for sure, what’s best for us in the long run.

Then it hits me.

If I get the perfect job I want so badly, working at the retirement home before Finley starts school, then that means that we’re meant to stay in Maryland. It’s fate. This is where I can stand on my own two feet for the very first time, and Finley can keep his routine, his friends.

If I don’t get the job, well, I can’t let Preston keep paying for two houses, one here and one in North Carolina. I’ll only be putting more of a burden on him, so I’ll enroll Finley in a school down there for fall, even if the thought of packing up our things and leaving our life here behind makes me nauseous.

God, I hate change. I hate empty boxes and saying goodbye to my home with so many happy memories.

Finally, Finley’s sobs begin to quiet. I continue holding him, rocking him gently, whispering soft words of comfort. “It’s okay, Finley. Everything’s going to be okay.”

He pulls away slightly, his red, tear-streaked face looking up at me with so much innocence, and my heart breaks all over again. “I just… I don’t want the summer to end, Mommy,” he whispers, his voice small.

“I know, baby,” I say softly, brushing a tear from his cheek. “I don’t either.”

24

Maya

Later that night, I’ve just tucked Finley into bed when there’s a knock on the door. I glance at the clock, realizing that it must be Christian returning. Maybe he forgot something, or he’s going to beg us to move in with him again. Who knows with the playboy.

I open the door and try to keep the disappointment off my face when I find my brother standing there with Elle by his side, her warm smile and her gentle presence already making me feel a little more grounded.

“What in the world are you two doing here?” I greet them quietly, then hug them both before stepping aside to let them in. “And why didn’t you just come on in since you still have a key?”

Preston walks in first, his usual confident swagger replaced with something softer, more concerned. “I was worried about you after we talked this morning. Elle thought we should come visit and check on you and Finley. How are you holding up?” he asks, his brow furrowed as he looks at me.

I give him a weak smile. “It’s been…a long day.”

Elle, always the intuitive one, places a hand on my shoulder and gives it a light squeeze. “We brought ice cream,” she says, holding up a local grocery bag. “Thought you might need a little comfort food.”

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