Page 48 of Pucking Fate

Eventually, though, the conversation comes back to future plans.

“What I really want is to be able to take care of myself and Finley on my own,” I admit. “For once. I also need to find some sort of purpose with my life once Finley’s at school for theentire day. I’ve been trying to find a job, but you can imagine how that’s going with no degree and no actual experience doing anything but helping out at the preschool when they asked for volunteers. My only job for years was to make sure he’s happy and taken care of, so I’m sort of feeling a little lost now that he doesn’t need me all day and night.”

Spencer nods, his expression thoughtful. “You’re doing a great job raising Finley.”

“Preston was a huge help,” I admit, unable to take credit for him on my own.

“You both raised a happy kid. He knows you, Preston, and Christian love him and would do anything for him. Your job there is secure.”

“I guess so,” I agree. I’ve always known how much I love Finley, but hearing someone else recognize it, someone outside of our little bubble, is a relief, like maybe I’m not failing as a mother. “Thank you,” I say, my voice thick with emotion. “That means a lot.”

There’s a comfortable moment of silence between us. Spencer’s eyes are still on me, searching as if he’s trying to figure out the right thing to say next. “Can I ask you something?” he says after a beat.

“Sure,” I say, though I can tell by the fact that he asked that I may not like his question.

“Are you still in love with Christian?”

His question stuns me. And for a second, I’m not sure how to respond.

Am I still in love with Christian? I don’t know! It’s complicated. I care about him, and he’s Finley’s father, but love? That’s a whole different thing.

“I don’t know,” I finally admit honestly, feeling my throat tighten. “It’s so… complicated. I’m trying to move on…”

Spencer doesn’t push, but I can see the flicker of disappointment in his eyes as he leans back in his seat. “I get it,” he says softly. “Life’s messy.”

It is messy. So messy. And as much as I appreciate Spencer’s understanding, I also feel the weight of the situation pressing down on me. There’s so much uncertainty, so much I still haven’t figured out.

“I didn’t mean to put you on the spot,” Spencer adds quickly, his tone gentle. “I just wanted to know where things stood.”

I shake my head, forcing a small smile. “No, it’s okay. It’s just… I’m still trying to figure it all out myself.”

He nods, and for a moment, neither of us says anything else. “I had fun with you tonight. I hope we can do this again if you feel the same.”

“I had fun too, Spencer,” I admit, my voice quiet. “But…I have to warn you that there’s a lot going on in my life. Finley’s about to start school, I need to find a job like ASAP, and then there’s Christian who I think is serious about being a part of our life, Finley’s life…”

He smiles, but I can see the disappointment settle in his handsome features, though he tries to hide it. “I understand. You’re busy. I will be too soon when the season starts,” he says, his tone gentle. “How about we just take things slow, as friends for now?”

“Okay,” I agree.

We sit there in silence for a few more moments, the weight of the conversation lingering between us before he changes the subject. “So, you need a job?”

“Yes.”

“Well, I grew up not far from here, which is why I was so damn happy the Warhawks wanted me. I know tons of people in the area. Maybe I can help you find a job. If you could do anything in the world, what would it be?” he asks.

“I honestly have no idea.”

“None at all?”

“I really don’t know. I’ve never had a chance to explore any careers. I just know I need a job with flexible hours. That’s why I applied to one job I didn’t have the experience requirement for but would potentially work with Finley’s school day.”

“Which position was that for?”

“Oh, um, an activity director at a senior center.”

“Really?” Spencer asks. “You want to work with seniors?”

“Yes. I can’t imagine leaving your home behind and being stuck in a place like that for years, away from your family that can only visit when they’re not working or raising their own families. I’m so lucky I have my brother, but if I didn’t, I would be all on my own. I guess I would like to be there for someone else to make their day a little better.”

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