Page 38 of Pucking Fate

I hate the idea of Maya dating any other man, but especially another fucking hockey player. Why is that? Because it means that all her excuses about me not being around because of the busy schedule and not trusting me on the road are personal. She would endure the hectic months of games and practice, even trust a man she barely knows, but not do those things for me?

While I loathe the thought of another man touching her, I tell myself that Maya’s too uptight and inexperienced to hop into bed on a first or even fifth date.

That may be my fault, and I hate that I hurt her so badly years ago, but in this circumstance, I’m thrilled she isn’t quick to sleep around with guys.

Although, I’m the last person in the world to be encouraging abstinence thanks to my past. Still, I’m glad Maya has only ever been with me. If only she would give me another chance to take her virginity. Because in my mind she’s still a virgin, despite the fact our child came through that whole area without my actual penetration.

Shoving her fingers through the front of her hair to push it back, she eventually says, “Finley asked Spencer for one of his jerseys, and he was nice enough to oblige.”

Scoffing, I tell her, “Oh, I’m sure that fucker would love to oblige the shit out of you.”

“He also said you told him we weren’t together.”

“We’re not, right? You don’t even want Preston to know about us.”

“Christian…”

“Maya, I don’t get it,” I say as I sit up in the bed. “I’ve spent weeks proving to you that I only want you, that you can trust me to be a good role model and father to Finley and to not hurt you. And now the first time some guy comes up to you, not even a fucking starter for the Warhawks I should add, you’re ready to bail on me forhim?”

“I’m not…I’m not bailing on you for anyone else, Christian.” There go the crossed arms again. God, it’s like talking to a brick wall whenever that shit happens. “This decision has nothing to do with Spencer asking me on a date, either. You’re leaving for Greensboro soon. We both know that long distance won’t work between us.”

Right, because she’ll never trust me not to screw around behind her back, even though I’ve never cheated on her when we were dating, past or present, and I would never do such a thing to her. I’ve never cheated onanywoman. Yes, Elle and I had a miscommunication where she assumed we were both more serious than we were when I thought that we were just occasionally hooking up, having fun, with no strings or commitment. The only real relationship I’ve ever had is with Maya, then and now. Because this is a relationship, whether she wants to admit it or not. And I know there’s only one way Maya will ever trust me—if I’m sleeping in the same bed with her every night. That’s why I tell her, “It wouldn’t be long distance if you and Finley moved to Greensboro and come live with me.”

“I-we can’t do that!” she exclaims, most likely loud enough for the rest of the house to hear.

“No, youwon’tdo that,” I amend for her. “And I have no fucking clue why you won’t consider moving. Preston’s there too. You could live with him. And you would be closer to Elle, who I know you adore. So, tell me what the real problem is here, Maya.”

There’s a moment of hesitation before she blurts out, “I…I don’t think this, you and I, could ever work.”

She could’ve sliced my chest open with the blade of my skate and it would’ve hurt less than hearing those words from her mouth.

“This? You and me, you don’t think we could ever work?” I ask, needing clarification.

“It didn’t work before, and back then you weren’t even a hotshot hockey player yet.”

“I told you I was sorry about bailing that night!”

“Keep your voice down,” she warns me as if she wasn’t just yelling too.

Groaning, I scrub both of my palms down my face. “I don’t know what else I can do, Maya. I apologized back then by text, in voicemails, hell, even in letters.”

“There were no letters,” she snaps.

“Yes, there were. A bunch of them. I sent them to your dorm.”

“Well, I was so upset that I dropped out of school and moved out of the dorm when I found out I was pregnant,” she huffs. “But now we’re off topic. You and I, it’ll be better for Finley if we stop this now while we don’t hate each other.”

“I could never hate you,” I tell her. “Even after you kept my son from me for nearly five fucking years, I didn’t hate you. And I don’t think you ever hated me, either.”

When she doesn’t respond, I’m certain that there’s no way to win this fight with her tonight. Reluctantly, I slide off the bed and start slowly putting my clothes back on piece by piece. I’mhoping like hell that Maya will change her mind, that this will turn out like her telling me I couldn’t stay over while Preston and Elle are here. But she doesn’t stop me.

She’ll miss me once I leave and possibly even change her mind after a few nights apart.

At least that’s what I tell myself before kissing her cheek goodbye and leaving.

17

Maya

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